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Old 11-10-2017, 08:13 PM   #1
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Default Self-hating thoughts are just so comfortable.

Iíve been extremely sensitive and generally fearful for the majority of my life. I usually dread situations that are unpredictable or involve a lot of interpersonal interaction, and I donít handle rejection, disappointment, or unpleasant surprises very well at all.

Iíve had lots of therapists give me lots of techniques for positive thinking and mindfulness and trying to counter self-loathing thoughts, but I think the problem is that I donít really want to do any of that. My low, self-hating state of mind is actually really comfortable ó because I donít have to deal with that constant nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to go out and meet people or put myself in other anxiety-producing situations, because Ďyou never know, it might pay off in the future.í

I donít really have any significant goals in my life at this point, so I really donít see any good motivation to try and counter any of my negative thinking. Itís so much easier to just stay in that zone rather than give myself any more false hope.
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Old 11-11-2017, 03:03 PM   #2
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Smile Re: Self-hating thoughts are just so comfortable.

Yes... I can relate to this. My head of chucked full of negative, self-loathing thoughts. The difference (perhaps?) is that, in my case, they're all perfectly justified. I'm an older person now & I no longer have any significant goals either.

For a long time, I tried to work on my self-loathing thoughts. But, over time, I've just come to a point where I realize their never going to go away. So I do what I can in the moment work with them in a compassionate, accepting manner. But I'm not putting any organized effort into it. I'm a reclusive old troll. So I rarely go out. I consider my solitude to be my gift to the world... or at least that tiny portion of it I inhabit.
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Old 11-11-2017, 03:31 PM   #3
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Old 11-11-2017, 05:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Self-hating thoughts are just so comfortable.

Wow. I sure can relate to that feeling.
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:05 PM   #5
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Default Re: Self-hating thoughts are just so comfortable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LostIntrovert View Post
I’ve been extremely sensitive and generally fearful for the majority of my life. I usually dread situations that are unpredictable or involve a lot of interpersonal interaction, and I don’t handle rejection, disappointment, or unpleasant surprises very well at all.

I’ve had lots of therapists give me lots of techniques for positive thinking and mindfulness and trying to counter self-loathing thoughts, but I think the problem is that I don’t really want to do any of that. My low, self-hating state of mind is actually really comfortable — because I don’t have to deal with that constant nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to go out and meet people or put myself in other anxiety-producing situations, because ‘you never know, it might pay off in the future.’

I don’t really have any significant goals in my life at this point, so I really don’t see any good motivation to try and counter any of my negative thinking. It’s so much easier to just stay in that zone rather than give myself any more false hope.
I also suffer from perpetual self loathing thoughts and feelings which no matter how hard I try, I cannot effectively stop or fight. It's often easiest to just agree "yep, I'm a very bad person" again and again.

Have you heard of ACT Acceptance Commitment Therapy? Check it out, it's a formalised version of your philosophy in some ways. It basically allows you to "make room" for the unwanted thoughts and emotions, not to fight them all the time. Lots of metaphors (driving the bus, stinky tramp etc.), analogies and paradoxes which I personally loved.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:18 PM   #6
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Default Re: Self-hating thoughts are just so comfortable.

sming - Never heard of Acceptance Commitment Therapy, I'll check it out and ask my therapist about it. I'm curious as to why you say "it's a formalized version of your philosophy" though. Most acceptance-based therapy I have a hard time buying into, because I don't see what benefit I get out of acceptance. Seems like it would just lead to people pushing me around more.

In addition to being a way to avoid anxiety, I think the self-destructive things I do are an (admittedly childish) way of acting out against society and its expectations. It's kind of like "I may be doing self-destructive things and feeling miserable all the time, but at least I'm not blindly following the herd into the little box I'm supposed to want to fit into." Of course, if I had any self-confidence or wasn't so afraid of interactions with new people, I might be able to figure out what I actually do want and take steps to pursue it. But since that isn't the case, I end up pouting like a teenager.
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