Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > Depression



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-09-2017, 10:25 PM   #1
Member
James0805 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Sacramento, California, USA
Posts: 45
8 yr Member
1 hugs
given
Default 47 and not a success

The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks
James0805 is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Old 11-10-2017, 01:18 AM   #2
Grand Poohbah
 
FallDuskTrain's Avatar
FallDuskTrain has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: World
Posts: 1,529 (SuperPoster!)
21 hugs
given
Default 47 and not a success

Please do not underestimate yourself. The concept of competition is odd. No one is better or worse than others. The society sets those crazy rules. Although, I do understand the need for validation from society. I crave for approval like many other.
However, deep down inside I know that this is all nonsense.
May I ask? What is keeping you from moving on? It does not have to be drastic. May be after you get your AA you can work towards management positions in retail. It is a pretty good job.
Do you like your own company? Or do you get bored easily? Got hobbies? These are all important questions to address while drawing in the pit of loneliness and misperceived failure. Some people love their solitude (i am one of them), so I got used to being alone easier. I am alone like you, but for the opposite reason: i moved around a lot.
__________________
[B]'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.'
FallDuskTrain is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-10-2017, 02:04 AM   #3
Grand Poohbah
 
cryingontheinside's Avatar
cryingontheinside has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,752
3 yr Member
Default Re: 47 and not a success

Quote:
Originally Posted by James0805 View Post
The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks
You said you have always worked . well that's a big achievement . regardless of what job you have that shows you are a hard worker . I bet your friends and family are proud of you and there's no need to hide from them. Also your making plans to go back to college , that sounds really positive to me .
cryingontheinside is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-10-2017, 04:36 AM   #4
Poohbah
 
happycheeks's Avatar
happycheeks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,461 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

192 hugs
given
Default Re: 47 and not a success

It's not too late. Since you have a job, I think you're doing pretty well. You could also volunteer or start any interests that you may want to start.
happycheeks is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-10-2017, 04:51 AM   #5
Anonymous57777
Guest
Anonymous57777 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: 47 and not a success

Quote:
Originally Posted by James0805 View Post
The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks
Treat your depression fully (medication, therapy). Change your job. Read inspiring books. (I am currently reading The Alchemist.) Dream. Plan. Take a chance.

I have failed miserably as well. It is good that your are acknowleding it/ feeling bad about it (It is good that you do not want to settle on a minimum wage job)--I think this is the first step toward leaving the past behind and moving on.
  Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-10-2017, 05:19 AM   #6
Moderator
Community Support Team
 
splitimage's Avatar
splitimage has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8,931 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

10 yr Member
17 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: 47 and not a success

I'm sorry that you feel you are not a success. That's hard. But I see a couple of positives in your post. You are working. That's more than I can manage at the moment. I'm on welfare and being helped out by family. I haven't worked in 7 years. And you're back in school to get your AA that shows you have goals for yourself.

If you haven't, I'd talk to a Dr. about treatment for depression because you do sound depressed.

And then I'd explore what hobbies and interests you have or could develop that would add meaning to your life.

Hang in there.

splitimage
__________________


"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favorite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

As some of you may know, my blog is currently off-line due to some problems at my previous site host. I'm working with my web master to rebuild and get back on-line.
splitimage is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-11-2017, 03:54 AM   #7
Veteran Member
 
Arbie's Avatar
Arbie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 527 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

132 hugs
given
Default Re: 47 and not a success

Well, first we'd start by defining "success." Who gets to decide that? Society? To heck with what society says you are. They don't get to make that call, because they don't know the inner battles you've gone through. Only you know that. And here you are, with those inner battles, and still standing. Sounds like success to me.

Nobody on this planet, I mean nobody, succeeds all the time at everything. And nobody on this planet, I mean nobody, fails all the time at everything. So you're not in the same place other people are at your age. Big deal. Did those other people face the same obstacles you have faced? Have they climbed the same mountains? What would they do if they were in your shoes, playing the cards you've been dealt? Would they fight as bravely as you have to keep going?

Never judge yourself by what other people can do. You've heard that saying about not judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree, haven't you?
Arbie is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 11-11-2017, 10:00 AM   #8
Poohbah
 
Teddy Bear's Avatar
Teddy Bear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Dresser Wisconsin
Posts: 1,182
My Mood:

2 yr Member
988 hugs
given
Default Re: 47 and not a success

I don't feel like a success either. I work part-time as a janitor. I'm trying to figure out what would make me feel fulfilled. I hope you find something fulfilling
__________________
🐻
Teddy Bear is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 11-11-2017, 12:12 PM   #9
Magnate
 
Crypts_Of_The_Mind's Avatar
Crypts_Of_The_Mind has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,326 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
1,766 hugs
given
Default Re: 47 and not a success

Honestly, at this point I am almost all out of "wise words" due to my own situation, but I will tell you this:

Success is what you deem success to be.
A man who stays at home and takes care of his children and cooks n cleans while his wife works and when she comes home enjoys the love they all share for one another - may see himself as successful yet society will look down on him bc he "let's his wife support him", or he may decide to believe society and be miserable even while he has the gift of love from his wife and children and has time to spend with each.

Success, for society, is a pre-defined notion, but even that changes over time. One of the best things my mom ever tried to teach me (took years to learn even after her death) was not to care how others viewed me and just be myself anyway. There is no way you can ever please everyone anyway. So why try? Just be you. Do what makes you happy. If that's going to college, great. If it's sitting at home doing nothing, that's fine too.

To be honest - I am 43. I am on disability. I never had a college degree. In my lifetime I worked as a babysitter, salad bar attendant, CNA, waitress, data entry operator, and a bill collector. Some were minimum wage, some above minimum wage. Some required special training, some did not. None required college. Now - I sit at home n play on my phone, watch TV, play with my dogs or walk on the beach, or take a ride in the car or walk in the park. I am not a success in society's eyes. Not by a long shot. In my eyes - I am. Why? Because I no longer spend a week in the psych hosp every 3 months. I can actually "make ends meet" financially - not everyone working can say that n I get less pay than most of them. I have 2 dogs that make me happy. I live indoors, not outside n not in a shelter. I have a car of my own.

These are things that allow me to say "I have succeeded in life."

Success is what you deem success to be.
__________________
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 11-11-2017, 05:45 PM   #10
Member
LostIntrovert has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: California, USA
Posts: 26
2 yr Member
6 hugs
given
Default Re: 47 and not a success

To echo others on this thread -- whose definition of "success" are you using? Success can be deceiving, anyway. I know quite a few people who make six figures but hate their jobs--would you consider them "successful"? There are a lot of things that society says you should want -- marriage, house, kids, higher salary, etc -- but not everyone actually wants them. If you don't, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Like you said, you've always worked, which is significant. And you're going back to college, which means you have motivation to change whatever it is you don't like about your life. That's something you should be proud of.
LostIntrovert is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines