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Unread 10-12-2017, 03:59 PM   #1
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Confused ?

Hello guys
I'm fairly new here, been a member for a couple of months. I rarely post because I find it hard to get to that place where I can really think about things constructively.

I feel that I have many problems that I need to address in my life in order to feel content with myself. I know some of them I can find help here and other problems I have to embark on a personal and spiritual journey in order to fulfil myself. I think one of the most tormenting defects to have is for one to not accept oneself, like a body rejecting an organ transplant or like a flesh eating desease, the longer the problem exists the more it spreads and embeds itself in the core of its host...it's the worst kind of suicide...suffocated, starvation denying itself one of its essential needs of survival. Like an underdeveloped parasitic twin that sucks the life out of its host.

I'm suffering from severe negativity, depression, anxiety, hopelessness and all the other little demons that accompanies it...I have no self esteem, no self worth and I'm basically directionless in life. I can't hold a conversation more than a question and an answer and I find myself extremely irritable. My negativity towards myself and everything around me is severely disabling my ability to build relationships with important people in my life.

I'm not content with anything in my life... I had a difficult childhood, I know that different people handles, copes and interprets situations differently so I'm not one to judge the next person. what is happiness? Is happiness an emotional feeling? isit a feeling of contentment? is happiness the feeling of pursuing your goals and dreams at the expense of someone else's plans and hopes? ...How can someone care about someone else if they don't even care about themselves!.. (I started this post in one place and somehow ended it in a totally different place)
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Unread 10-12-2017, 08:17 PM   #2
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Iím sorry youíre struggling. Have you considered therapy to help you process and heal some of this? Sending big hugs.
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Unread 10-12-2017, 08:35 PM   #3
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You are well spoken urban, at least in writing.
You sound intelligent, happiness can be yours, but you will have to deal with the traumas of your childhood first.
If you have detached yourself from your emotions to protect yourself in the past, then that usually includes happiness. It’s all in the same closed box.
I speak from my own experience, which is all I can do.
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