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Unread 10-11-2017, 08:31 PM   #1
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Default How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

I have a lot of things going right in my life. Great wife, 3 great kids (8,6,2), I lead worship at church and teach a great Sunday School marriage class. And yet, I feel like everything I do is wrong. My wife gets frustrated with me for things around the house, my job is okay but Iíve been there 17 years and no promotions. Everyone likes me but no one respects me. It seems whatever decision I make is the wrong one. Like simple things. If i have to choose between getting cake or pie Iím going to choose the thing everyone hates. I feel sad that Iím 37 and havenít done more. I feel sad that I never won anything as a kid and now I see my kids and theyíre just like me. How awful am I to think my kids are going to be losers, knowing that if they are itís my fault? Iíve been reading about CBT thinking that my inner dialogue is broken, but what if itís real? What if Iím really as pathetic and sad as I think I am? My mom and sister suffer from depression. What if I end up as sad and bitter as them? Iím on Celexa at the moment and have been since 2015. My moment to moment mood is much better on it, but the thoughts I had before I got on it are just burned into me. Like a scar. Am I relapsing even on my meds, or am I just throwing a pity party like I would do when I was 7 years old?
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Unread 10-12-2017, 07:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

Welcome to pc

I donít have an answer to this. I do have diagnosed severe Depression though,

Pity party isnít a term Iím familiar with or find particularly useful.

But as an aunt used to say ďto each their ownĒ ..

Iím sorry this post isnít more helpful. I hope you get some more useful answers, I just wanted to welcome you
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Unread 10-12-2017, 10:37 PM   #3
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Welcome to pc

I donít have an answer to this. I do have diagnosed severe Depression though,

Pity party isnít a term Iím familiar with or find particularly useful.

But as an aunt used to say ďto each their ownĒ ..

Iím sorry this post isnít more helpful. I hope you get some more useful answers, I just wanted to welcome you
Thank you! Good to be here!
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Unread 10-13-2017, 09:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

HI!!

CBT is amazing stuff. The method I use for myself is a simplified process based on the same kind of premise. It's incredible. It frees you from your thoughts. I spent my entire twenties being depressed and questioning my worth, and now I'm 32 and fine and like, actually living.

Your question is, what if your negative thoughts are true? What if you really are pathetic and sad?

You seem to be asking, what if I'm pathetic, and I learn to stop believing I'm pathetic, what force will there be to motivate me to stop actually being pathetic?

It's as if we assume our negative thoughts are beneficial in some way. That they're motivation or that there's something noble in having low self-esteem.

This is a false mental trap. It's a lie. Feeling pathetic does not, can not, will never, help you feel and be what you wish you felt or were. There is no honor in suffering.

I read a study once where people who were overweight and believed they were healthy lost more weight over time than people who were overweight and were really motivated because they thought they needed to lose weight. It's because you act as if. People who believe they are healthy naturally do things they believe healthy people do.

If you can let go of those false beliefs, "I'm pathetic" "i'm sad" "no one respects me", etc, your behavior won't be limited or trapped by them anymore. Your perception of the world won't be trapped by those beliefs any longer. If you believe those things, your mind will squeeze your world to fit between those lines.

The belief comes first. It has to. And you can tell a false belief, because it will make you suffer. That's how you know it's false.

CBT, basically identifying and questioning your thoughts, lets you view your mind from a higher perspective. Instead of asking "are my kids losers because they don't win things?" You'll start asking what makes a winner, what makes a loser, and if it's your place or even possible to define winners or losers or to judge your children at all.

There's a great great freeing power in realizing truly and deeply that some questions aren't definable and that it's not useful to pursue them. You recognize that questions like that are the product of fear produced by a false belief.

It's so incredibly powerful. It brings you back to kindness and generosity. The things you want are rooted in kindness and generosity. They're just skewed by false beliefs.

You can work through them. And once you do, they're gone. It's like watching a magic trick and then learning how it's performed. Once you know the trick, you can't be fooled again.
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Unread 10-13-2017, 09:15 AM   #5
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

Hello & Welcome, Asongrestored.

Your description of what you have been experiencing is much more in line with what I understand as depression. The fact you have been on medications for about a couple years - and have benefited somewhat from them - and have family members suffering from depression are indicators your condition goes beyond a simple passing low mood.

It is not unusual for people taking antidepressants to suddenly find the same medications and dosages cease working for them. This is something to discuss with your prescribing doctor soon.

Please make yourself at home here.
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Unread 10-13-2017, 09:16 AM   #6
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

Hello. Welcome to PC. I agree wholeheartedly. If you use CBT to challenge those thoughts and choose new, more realistic thoughts youíll eventually build new neural pathways and youíll feel better about yourself.
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Unread 10-13-2017, 03:09 PM   #7
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

:Welcome to psych central

Then "I'm useless and pathetic, and everything I do is wrong" is broken thinking. It's not true. If you were truly a bad person you wouldn't care and wouldn't have these thoughts in the first place.

You can heal from this. Also if you've been on celexa for a few years it may have stopped working for you. You may need a different dose or a different med.
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Unread 10-15-2017, 12:49 PM   #8
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

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Originally Posted by Winterbritt View Post

CBT is amazing stuff. The method I use for myself is a simplified process based on the same kind of premise.
Is this something you figured out for yourself or with the help of a CBT therapist?
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Unread 10-16-2017, 11:28 AM   #9
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Default Re: How do you know the difference between depression and a pity party

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Is this something you figured out for yourself or with the help of a CBT therapist?
I started reading Byron Katie and watching her on youtube before I'd ever even heard of CBT. She has a method she calls Inquiry with a step by step process that lets you investigate your thoughts.

I started off using that. Then I learned about CBT and saw the connection to Byron Katie's method and started applying the concepts to my life in a lot of different ways. I used variations of it to do all kinds of things with my behavior and my outlook on life.

It was kinda like the key that unlocked my brain and gave me control over myself and my experience.

I saw a couple of therapists over the years but I didn't find them very helpful. I don't think either of them specialized in CBT at all.
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