Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > Depression



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 09-13-2017, 03:48 PM   #1
Member
 
Djinn8's Avatar
Djinn8 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2008
Location: South Yorkshire
Posts: 240
8 yr Member
12 hugs
given
Default I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Rules of the forum and all that...

That's a shame. Despite having being a member here for close to a decade and not having a single friend online, I still consider this particular pit of glass shards a somewhat homely corner of hell. This is something I would like to talk about and this is the only place that I could talk about it. But I can't, so I guess I'll just go and scream at a cloud or something.
Djinn8 is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Unread 09-13-2017, 04:21 PM   #2
Elder
 
*Laurie*'s Avatar
*Laurie* is a NAMI group facilitator.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 5,444 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
3,012 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Are you referring to suicidal thoughts?
__________________
*Laurie* is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2017, 04:29 PM   #3
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 67,004 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
33k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2017, 04:42 PM   #4
Member
 
Djinn8's Avatar
Djinn8 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2008
Location: South Yorkshire
Posts: 240
8 yr Member
12 hugs
given
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Laurie* View Post
Are you referring to suicidal thoughts?
Yeah. Wouldn't exactly call it thoughts though.
Djinn8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2017, 05:11 PM   #5
Member
 
FallDuskTrain's Avatar
FallDuskTrain has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Posts: 94
Default I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djinn8 View Post
Rules of the forum and all that...



That's a shame. Despite having being a member here for close to a decade and not having a single friend online, I still consider this particular pit of glass shards a somewhat homely corner of hell. This is something I would like to talk about and this is the only place that I could talk about it. But I can't, so I guess I'll just go and scream at a cloud or something.


I have just read the rules again and my interpretation is that the app moderators /administrators don't want to see a comment that reads "i will take my life tonight". That is scary and it is not their place to save us.
I think it would be okay and acceptable to discuss suicidal thoughts or the lack of desire to live due to the enormous pain we are in; as most of us experience them often.
I might be wrong. In any event, I am here for you, if you want to talk.
FallDuskTrain is online now   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2017, 05:45 PM   #6
Member
 
Djinn8's Avatar
Djinn8 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2008
Location: South Yorkshire
Posts: 240
8 yr Member
12 hugs
given
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Well, I'll give it a shot.

I've reached a point where getting better is an impossibility. If I could have any wish, anything at all, there is nothing that I would want. So an exit strategy is in motion. I've given it a lot of thought and while I can't go into detail without breaking the rules for certain, I will say that this is not something that is a spur of the moment thing and I've got to wait for the right conditions which could take months. What I have in mind is kind of brilliant as a solution and there will never be a better option, so not going through with it will mean that I've missed my one chance and then I am really ****ed.

I want to talk about it because it's hard and because I might wuss out. I don't want support to survive and get thought this - I want support to END this.
Djinn8 is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 09-13-2017, 07:13 PM   #7
Member
 
FallDuskTrain's Avatar
FallDuskTrain has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Posts: 94
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djinn8 View Post
Well, I'll give it a shot.

I've reached a point where getting better is an impossibility. If I could have any wish, anything at all, there is nothing that I would want. So an exit strategy is in motion. I've given it a lot of thought and while I can't go into detail without breaking the rules for certain, I will say that this is not something that is a spur of the moment thing and I've got to wait for the right conditions which could take months. What I have in mind is kind of brilliant as a solution and there will never be a better option, so not going through with it will mean that I've missed my one chance and then I am really ****ed.

I want to talk about it because it's hard and because I might wuss out. I don't want support to survive and get thought this - I want support to END this.


I am sorry. I cannot be a support in ending it; however I am here to support you in this painful journey. In the meanwhile, please call the suicide hotline. I do it often, actually. I do it because I have no family or friends. I have a therapist but I cannot call her at 3 o'clock in the morning.

You know very well that you cannot give up.
I understand it well. I have had, and still do, the desire to leave it all and disappear from earth but I know that it is the depression talking. Depression alters our brain chemistry so much that thinking logically is no longer an option. Whatever we think becomes 1000 times larger hence impossible to manage.

Do I have a solution for you? No, because I don't have a solution for my own suffering; however I also think that trying to find a solution is irrelevant. This is not a math problem or a formula. Brain is a complex organ and life is even more complex.

With that being said, we live in scary times, yet we live in a very interesting era. There's a lot of evil in the world and there's a lot of innocence and beauty. This has always been the case, but now we are exposed to it and this probably makes it much harder for those suffering with mental health issues.

I have started reading a lot of ancient philosophy books and started communicating with those who have mental health problems and who are trying to navigate life despite this painful challenge. I have also started learning about neuroscience and brain and have chronic depression impacts the brain and body. Understanding my condition provides some answers.

I also started eating much less sugar and exercising. As, it is scientifically proven that what we eat impacts our brain.

Am i feeling better? No! But at least I am able to get out of bed and accomplish these very small stuff that are listed above. I feel crappy while doing it and my emotional pain has not decreased at all but I know for fact that if I dont do these, my depression will only get worse and I am already in a lot of pain and the idea of being in worse pain is intolerable.

Navigating through life with this awful disease is a lot of hard work, enormous amount of hard work.

We are here for you. Please do not disappear.
FallDuskTrain is online now   Reply With Quote
Unread 09-13-2017, 07:55 PM   #8
Member
 
FallDuskTrain's Avatar
FallDuskTrain has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Posts: 94
Default Re: I want to talk about something but I'm not allowed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Djinn8 View Post
Rules of the forum and all that...



That's a shame. Despite having being a member here for close to a decade and not having a single friend online, I still consider this particular pit of glass shards a somewhat homely corner of hell. This is something I would like to talk about and this is the only place that I could talk about it. But I can't, so I guess I'll just go and scream at a cloud or something.


I also sent you a PM. Please check it
FallDuskTrain is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:27 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines