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Unread 08-25-2017, 01:18 AM   #11
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Default Re: Positive "Zen" Steps

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Looking for a new yoga place is just one way to cope with negative thinking and self-loathing. Sometimes it does not work and I have to let it go without judging myself. So I have to keep re-inventing the wheel and find another kind of Zen step that is meaningful and helpful to me.
Today my yoga practice was "hijacked" by ruminating about a small incident that had happened earlier on. I struggled to focus my mind on the poses so I began to listen to the harsh call of terns more carefully and then I was grateful that the breeze was not cold.
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Unread 08-26-2017, 03:04 AM   #12
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Default Overcoming an abysmal feeling of loneliness

Loneliness is certainly a factor that is contributing to drag me into deep depression.

After work, a sense of isolation and alienation "followed" me at the grocery stores and I couldn't brush it off even if I chitchatted with the cashiers. Back inside the car, I began to stare at the windshield feeling unmotivated to do anything. Eventually I convinced myself to drive to the place where I have been practicing yoga outdoors.

That helped me to "unstick" my mind. At the parking lot I quickly got my backpack ready and briskly walked to my yoga spot without letting my brain generate any thoughts about loneliness.

While doing yoga, I paid attention to my surroundings: the call of a killdeer, the gentle movement of water, the calm air, the red sunset, a bat flying by etc. I was facing a crescent moon, whose reflection was broken up by soft waves. And I identify myself with that disembodied watery moon. I caught myself dwelling in these negative thoughts and pressed on to finish my set of yoga poses. By the time I was through, night was falling and so the crescent moon. A starry sky watched me walk back to the car. Finally, I felt some respite from the debilitating workings of my mind.
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Unread 08-26-2017, 03:07 AM   #13
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Default Re: Positive "Zen" Steps

I've enjoyed reading your posts. Good job!!!
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Unread 08-26-2017, 01:11 PM   #14
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Default Re: Positive "Zen" Steps

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I've enjoyed reading your posts. Good job!!!
Thank you very much for your kind words. I am glad you get something out of them.

Writing these posts makes me think very hard about my struggles, and, maybe, helps me to understand them better. Sometimes it's hard to describe with words what's going on. The ultimate goal of this threat is to challenge my chronic negativity and turn it into "sunshine that breaks through the clouds".

All the best with your journey!

Last edited by Kepler22b; 08-26-2017 at 01:37 PM.
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Unread 08-27-2017, 01:14 AM   #15
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Default Random Act of Kindness to Others

For me it has always been hard to do random acts of kindness to strangers. When my mind constantly churns negative thoughts about myself and humanity the last thing that wants to do is to be nice to people.

Lately I have been trying harder to improve how I relate to folks whom I don't know. Few days ago a friend of mine told me that the owner of a new craft store was looking for accommodation. When I was at a grocery store yesterday, I saw an ad about a room for rent on the store bulletin board. I wrote down the contact info of the renter and instead of texting my friend I decided to go to the craft store in person to let the owner know of this rental opportunity.

So this morning I went there and had a chat with her assistant while waiting for the owner to be available; she was busy talking to other customers. After a while, I introduced myself to the owner and gave her a note with the contact info of the renter. It turned out that she had already talked to this person and that the house owner had changed her mind about renting the room. The store owner thanked me anyway. I left the place feeling good about myself Wow!

Last edited by Kepler22b; 08-27-2017 at 02:27 AM.
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Unread 08-27-2017, 02:30 AM   #16
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Default Random Act of Kindness from Others

This afternoon I was walking on a trail around a lake when a bunch of kids asked me if I wanted one of the stones that they had picked up from the lakeshore. They were displaying them on a bench in neat rows.

Instead of telling them that I did not need any stones, I agreed to look at them. When a girl told me that the stones with speckles where wishing rocks I selected the one that was green with tan speckles. It must have been one inch long. The same girl explained to me that I had to make a wish and then throw the rock into the lake.

Later on, I walked to the water to perform the ritual. After making my wish, I rotated my right arm in such an awkward way that the tiny stone did not plunge into the water but fell in the bushes. I began to call myself names but managed to stop soon after. Instead of giving up and leave the wishing rock hidden somewhere on the ground, I decided to look for it and after a little while I did find it! Then, I finally tossed into the water.
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Unread 08-29-2017, 12:32 AM   #17
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Default Singing on the trail

(Wow! I have just searched on Google "Singing on the Trail" to make sure that the grammar was right and I discovered that it's actually the title of a 1946 song and western movie!)

Well, yes I started singing on the trail today in the attempt to distract my mind from thinking about my marriage failure. (I have been married for 11 years and two years ago I separated from my husband. Several months ago the divorce was finalized. My ex-husband and I used to hike and backpack together. Since the separation, hiking alone has been difficult because it triggers a negative chain reaction of self-loathing.)

Singing did help but it was a bit frustrating because I could not sing an entire song but few lines so I kept switching from singing to humming. (I guess now I am motivated to learn songs from the beginning to the end.)

I also kept saying "Hello!" to the hikers whom I met on the trail and made general comments about the weather etc. hoping that they would start a conversation. Some people couldn't even look at me, never mind reply "Hi! I have been there myself so I cannot blame them.

Buenas noches! I cannot keep my eyes open anymore.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 06:52 PM   #18
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Default Re: Singing on the trail

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(Wow! I have just searched on Google "Singing on the Trail" to make sure that the grammar was right and I discovered that it's actually the title of a 1946 song and western movie!)

Well, yes I started singing on the trail today in the attempt to distract my mind from thinking about my marriage failure. (I have been married for 11 years and two years ago I separated from my husband. Several months ago the divorce was finalized. My ex-husband and I used to hike and backpack together. Since the separation, hiking alone has been difficult because it triggers a negative chain reaction of self-loathing.)

Singing did help but it was a bit frustrating because I could not sing an entire song but few lines so I kept switching from singing to humming. (I guess now I am motivated to learn songs from the beginning to the end.)

I also kept saying "Hello!" to the hikers whom I met on the trail and made general comments about the weather etc. hoping that they would start a conversation. Some people couldn't even look at me, never mind reply "Hi! I have been there myself so I cannot blame them.

Buenas noches! I cannot keep my eyes open anymore.
When I was a child I was extremely shy to the point that I would run away from people. I used to spend a lot of time by myself reading books, drawing or watching wildlife. Since then, I have always find it hard to express myself with my voice (singing) or voice + body language (acting), especially in public. (When I have to speak in front of a crowd my delivery is weak, my face "goes on fire" and I feel anxious).

I spend a lot of time in the car and I do have to find ways to manage my frustration at bad or slow drivers. This frustration increases with the "intensity" of my depression. I do listen to music while paying attention to the road but sometimes my mind won't let the negative thinking go. So I have started to force myself to sing out loud. It does help to give my mind some relief.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 06:55 PM   #19
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Default Reading the news in moderation

I don’t watch television and I don’t watch shows or the news on the Internet. A while ago I decided to cut down the amount of time that I spent reading the news online or listening to the news on the radio because I noticed that it would make my depression worse.

It seems to me that reading/watching/listening to bad news is highly addictive. I certainly did my mind a favor!

Last edited by Kepler22b; 09-05-2017 at 10:48 PM.
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Unread 09-05-2017, 07:02 PM   #20
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Default Re: Positive "Zen" Steps

I'm enjoying hearing about your journey. Thank you for sharing
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