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Unread 07-17-2017, 11:23 AM   #1
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Unhappy :(

Hard to articulate it into words. (Sorry this is a just a jumble of my thoughts. Probably will make 0 sense).

But there are so many people out there in the world that have genuine happiness you know? Like a colourblind person seeing colours they never seen before, an amputee getting a new arm, a child finding out they're going to disney land, etc. I see that and I see their happiness and I think wow, these people will have long and happy lives. And then I reflect upon my life, how I have no happiness, how my life is so pathetic, how I'm not capable of doing any good to the world, and it's these circle of thoughts that makes me think that other people deserve a shot at life. They have so much to live for, so much to see and experience. And then there's me in the corner who has absolutely no potential in life, how worthless I am, and how much I deserve to die.

I have no happiness. Nothing to live for. Nothing worth seeing. Nothing worth experiencing. Because I know regardless of what happens I would still be hoping for my death. I really am a waste of space.

Just observing all these people around me they have so much going for them. So many things they want to do. And I don't. Is there a point to keep living when you have nothing left in you to keep going? I can't feel genuine happiness because the back of my mind is always rooting for my death. Every day when I wake up I see it as one day closer to my death. I am so messed up on so many levels. What's the point of keep going when the future is empty and hopeless and will only get worse
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Unread 07-17-2017, 11:27 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry you're feeling so hopeless, I can relate to your post. When we feel depressed it always seems like everyone else is feeling so much better and has better lives and more opportunities. Depression really sucks you in to feeling miserable and I know how horrible that feeling is. Are there any little things that even make you feel a tiny bit good or even a more neutral feeling than despair? Are there things you can try again that used to make you feel good? I hear your pain and I'm sorry that I have no solutions, just know that you are far from alone. I hope things improve for you soon. Take care.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 11:55 AM   #3
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Honestly, I don't even remember what makes me feel even a little bit better :/

I have literally no hobbies other than napping, if that even counts as a hobby.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 12:05 PM   #4
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I can relate so much to this.. you don't deserve it. You don't deserve it at all.. you're kind and generous and you should get better treatment.
I'm so sorry
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Unread 07-17-2017, 12:13 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles00 View Post
Honestly, I don't even remember what makes me feel even a little bit better :/

I have literally no hobbies other than napping, if that even counts as a hobby.
Are there any hobby type things you might be able to try just to see if they give you any enjoyment? I know it's really hard to motivate yourself to try things though. I guess you won't know if something will help until you give it a shot.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 12:47 PM   #6
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I used to read a very long time ago. Idk why I stopped. I also used to draw until my parents told me to stop drawing. Now I suck at drawing. I tried getting into knitting but lost motivation after a while. Not sure what else there is.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 01:10 PM   #7
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Unread 07-17-2017, 04:36 PM   #8
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Would therapy be a possibility for you? I am sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

I highly recommend exercise, which you can do at home (there are lots of free fitness videos on Youtube). It improves your health both physically and mentally...exercise is basically an anti-depressant without the negative side effects, it's pretty awesome!
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Unread 07-17-2017, 06:42 PM   #9
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Thinking of you today, Bubbles. I've been there many times before. I wish I could offer more than just my commiseration. But you are not alone in feeling this way.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 06:50 PM   #10
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