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Unread 07-13-2017, 06:32 AM   #41
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

Right now then you feel completely alone and rejected, and those feelings, and the pain that they bring, tempt you to end your life.



Could you please explain the significance of canceling Friday's counseling session? You spoke to your counselor about this?

I think you were wise to ask Teresa not to come to the family sessions for a while after what happened last week.

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Unread 07-13-2017, 06:23 PM   #42
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

Yes, I spoke to the counselor about canceling Fridays session. He said that the relationship with Teresa is toxic, and as she has done with another counselor, gone in and made the session about her by crying and yelling, it would not be healthy for my recovery to bring her in to talk about supporting me. She was to come tuesday as a supporter and yet blew up cried, yelled and talked about all her problems and how hard it is to support me.
Carol told me, "you can't end your life right now because it would devastate Teresa" then today Teresa sent me a text message that said, "if you have not yet, go ahead and remove me from all your phone lists"
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Unread 07-13-2017, 07:11 PM   #43
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Oh my Kathy those people are definitely toxic. I just cannot believe that last remark from Carol, I am speechless. (((((kathyps33))))) I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that, with all of that, with them.

I guess that the Friday session was to be with Teresa? Yes, your counselor is right on the mark in my opinion.

I am hoping that you find posting here to be a source of support for you, and if so I hope that you will continue posting here. I for one would like to support and encourage you in any way that I can.

Please continue to find any small part of you that still has hope, and listen to and encourage that part.
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Unread 07-14-2017, 02:39 AM   #44
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

Quote:
Originally Posted by kathyps33 View Post
I went to the ER Friday afternoon because the suicidal thoughts were so strong. I gave the meds I had to overdose on to my manager who brought me home from work and a friends husband took me to the hospital. They did not keep me. Uggghhhh. The psychiatrist at the ER said I was high functioning and it would be hard but I needed to stop Xanax and just get through until my appointment next Thursday with a day treatment program. How can these professionals decide they aren't going to help me? My counselor has told me many times if I feel suicidal go to the ER. Now, I don't know what to do? I have sat at home alone, my friends said call if I need them but they don't answer or it's hours later and they send a text asking what's up? I'm now understanding why so many people give up.

Kathy:
thanks for your post....I can relate - sometimes it feels like I have the inner strength to type a message and that's all. For me, one of the worst things is when people say, "Come on - it's a great day.....you'll feel better." All I want is someone to say nothing - to just know that this other person is in my place as well: sad, at wit's end, dark, angry......sorry, this probably didn't help much.....but I hope it did at least a little.
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Unread 07-14-2017, 05:05 PM   #45
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

Unfortunately, the medical field is really sucking now. I know how you feel, believe me. I think I've only had one doctor who has understood and that was back when things were a bit more liberal. It's my luck that he died. My head is in a bad place so all I can offer is: take it day by day....
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Unread 07-14-2017, 07:13 PM   #46
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How are you doing now?
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Unread 07-15-2017, 09:42 PM   #47
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Unread 07-16-2017, 09:17 AM   #48
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Unread 07-16-2017, 09:19 AM   #49
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

thanks Bill3 for checking in. So, to update. Today I am feeling better actually I have been since Friday afternoon. It is a little strange, I have been depressed for so long this new peace, calmness is unfamiliar. So friday afternoon I went to my nurse(Andria) at the center and confessed I had another bottle of insulin, a syringe and needle. I was going home and get them and bring them back, who was I to give it to? She was wonderful, calm did not get mad and told me she would wait for me. So after the last class at the center at 2:30pm I drove home got it all and went back and gave it to her. I saw my counselor (Neal) on the way out and told him what I was doing. When I got back to the center at 3pm they were waiting for me, I was scared they would be mad I had been lying to them about having anything at home to use to end my life. They were not mad and my doctor (Dr. Berg) was also not mad, when I told her/them who I was getting the insulin from Dr. Berg said she figured that but pushed the thought aside. Neal said he figured I was lying, or at least not telling the entire story, so he just waited. I realized this week doing without my support people (Carol and Teresa) I have made it through. Being on here has helped and the staff at the center being accepting of where I'm at now has helped. Thank you for continuing to check in on me. I am scared of thinking about the future right now, so really practicing focusing on just today. I did start back walking every morning. I use to walk 4 miles a day, but had quit a couple of months ago, now I have walked 2 miles a day the past 2 days. It's a start, I guess.
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Unread 07-16-2017, 09:48 AM   #50
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Default Re: Not sure I'm going to make it

Thank you so much for staying in contact with your professional support people, as well as with us. I am so happy that they continue to be kind and supportive, as well as professional.

I think that your walking is wonderful! Being active does a lot to help resist depression. Do keep at it, every day if at all possible!

Quote:
I use to walk 4 miles a day, but had quit a couple of months ago, now I have walked 2 miles a day the past 2 days. It's a start, I guess.
To say that two miles is not four miles is to bring yourself down a bit. I would rather you say that two miles is not zero miles! Going from zero to two is a much much much bigger deal, in my opinion, than the fact that two is not four. Two miles is really good!

One step at a time, haha, unintended pun : You will be able to get back to four.

Great job making it through this really challenging week!



Quote:
Thank you for continuing to check in on me. I am scared of thinking about the future right now, so really practicing focusing on just today.
You're welcome!

Yes, one day at a time. Do focus on this day, even on this hour, or this minute, if needed. You can make it through, gradually get better, and heal! One step at a time.



P.S. Just a reminder that you can speak with someone any time by calling 1-800-273-TALK (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline).

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