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Unread 04-19-2017, 06:05 PM   #11
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Default Re: How low...

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
"hospital" isn't an option for me either
I would do outpatient again in the future and I would see a therapist or case manager or any other metal health professional if I absolutely had to.

I refuse to ever go to impatient again because the last several times that I was locked up in a psych ward the experience was dreadful for me.

Never doing the hospital thing again. If I ever have such strong feelings that can't be treated either by my own methods (diet, exercise, supplements, mindfulness, ECT) or by a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, I will act on said feelings.

They can take me to that prison that they call a hospital over my dead body.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 12:54 AM   #12
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Default Re: How low...

What do you mean by "force [you] into a smiley mood"?

By doing things with you that you usually enjoy?
By cracking jokes?
By telling you things you can try to improve your overall self esteem?
Or something else?
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Unread 04-21-2017, 02:16 AM   #13
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Default Re: How low...

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What do you mean by "force [you] into a smiley mood"?

By doing things with you that you usually enjoy?
By cracking jokes?
By telling you things you can try to improve your overall self esteem?
Or something else?
I meant when people don't want to accept me if my curreny mood is sad. Pretending like I didn't say what I've said (when trying to share about my issues), joking about my issues, they see I am suffering but all they want is to keep the conversation on a light level (while I would need to talk about my issues), they are trying to "cheer me up" instead of listening and being there. They get angry or dissappointed with me (and I am afraid they will reject me) if I don't change my mood. Some very close people in my life do everything to distract me, like changing the subject. I know I would cause them huge pain (and to myself to see them like that) if I shared my issues with them so I learned to pretend or at least not go into depths. They have the obsessive need to see me happy, their happiness depends on mine (this is one person in my life)
This is all hard to explain.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 05:48 AM   #14
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Default Re: How low...

Same here. In my country, people with having mental illness treated badly. Most people will automatically assume that you're just overreacting or attention seeker. In extreme cases, isolation and locked up.

I have not tell everyone in my area about my condition too. In fact, they still not notice that I have take and diagnosed with ASD.

That's why I'm here. I can openly say about my problem and get supported in PC.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 07:08 AM   #15
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Default Re: How low...

it is hard for some people to understand because they havn't ever exprienced this feeling of depression or at least not as deep as it goes. i guess they therefore don't know how to relate because of it.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 10:15 AM   #16
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Default Re: How low...

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Originally Posted by subtle lights View Post
I meant when people don't want to accept me if my curreny mood is sad. Pretending like I didn't say what I've said (when trying to share about my issues), joking about my issues, they see I am suffering but all they want is to keep the conversation on a light level (while I would need to talk about my issues), they are trying to "cheer me up" instead of listening and being there. They get angry or dissappointed with me (and I am afraid they will reject me) if I don't change my mood. Some very close people in my life do everything to distract me, like changing the subject. I know I would cause them huge pain (and to myself to see them like that) if I shared my issues with them so I learned to pretend or at least not go into depths. They have the obsessive need to see me happy, their happiness depends on mine (this is one person in my life)
This is all hard to explain.
I had that problem for a very long time...along with many others surrounding the theme of "people just won't listen to me". I finally wound up inpatient in the community psych hospital - and at least they listened. After that, I was taught coping techniques and relaxation techniques...so even when I noticed the therapists began to quit listening, I could generally appease myself (at least for awhile) until I could find a new therapist. Sometimes I lost hope in the whole system though and went too long without therapy and wound up inpatient again. I learned how to "talk" to my doctors and counselors. Not just so I could get things off my chest, but so I could get the things I knew I needed them to do for my healing. I was tired of waiting - so I started pushing them to speed up "the game" (as I started seeing it) and slowing it down as needed. I started doing research on my own - about the therapies used for my differing problems, and started applying them to myself as much as I could (since I didn't see them having any success) and just listened for them to give me the next clue to an exercise, method, or technique I could try. Basically - I no longer worry about others listening, or trying to help me - I have come to the realization I am the only one who can and will do that - so I do.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 11:04 AM   #17
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Default Re: How low...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
I had that problem for a very long time...along with many others surrounding the theme of "people just won't listen to me". I finally wound up inpatient in the community psych hospital - and at least they listened. After that, I was taught coping techniques and relaxation techniques...so even when I noticed the therapists began to quit listening, I could generally appease myself (at least for awhile) until I could find a new therapist. Sometimes I lost hope in the whole system though and went too long without therapy and wound up inpatient again. I learned how to "talk" to my doctors and counselors. Not just so I could get things off my chest, but so I could get the things I knew I needed them to do for my healing. I was tired of waiting - so I started pushing them to speed up "the game" (as I started seeing it) and slowing it down as needed. I started doing research on my own - about the therapies used for my differing problems, and started applying them to myself as much as I could (since I didn't see them having any success) and just listened for them to give me the next clue to an exercise, method, or technique I could try. Basically - I no longer worry about others listening, or trying to help me - I have come to the realization I am the only one who can and will do that - so I do.
My whole life I've been playing roles others wanted me to be. I've been shoving my emotions down. No one knows who I really am (not even me..). In these last two yesrs I wanted to do everything alone. I researched, I practiced yoga, meditation, different kinds of psychological tools. Alone. Everything alone. Even when I was with people I was alone. I could never connect to people and feel that I am myself.
But now I've had enough, I don't want to do everything alone anymore. Being "true to myself" but only when I'm by myself. Because I couldn't with others.
I really really need to express myself. The pain, the darkness. If it's not possible to be understood and heard then I don't want to continue. If I just have to get over the pain and become the old me, that's not an option.
(Sorry, I'm down now but it will pass....)
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Unread 04-21-2017, 11:21 AM   #18
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Default Re: How low...

Unfortunately, a lot of how children are raised and educated revolves around learning "expectations" rather than learning about self. One is expected to behave, expected to get good grades, expected is the constant so when it comes to feeling challenged, it's no wonder it's hard to find anyone who is willing or has the ability to "sit" with you as you feel and help you learn how to slowly work through your feelings.

Unfortunately, people have children because that is what comes next and many of these people have no business having a child because they have NO understanding of child development and "nurturing". We also now live in a society where so many parents just hand over their children for others to raise too. We have parents that are very self involved, they are busy being all about themselves and their careers and often they spend little time with their children, and as I mentioned children end up growing up in day care, then elementary school, and their lives slowly revolve around "expectations" and "acting' more than understanding how to be in touch with their own emotions. More and more parents look at their child's needs as an inconvenience rather than a genuine need as something they need to control rather than actually "nurture".

It's not surprising that there are so many that feel lonely, especially when they are struggling and that when they reach out the answer is "don't feel, just be happy".
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Unread 04-21-2017, 11:34 AM   #19
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Default Re: How low...

Quote:
Originally Posted by subtle lights View Post
My whole life I've been playing roles others wanted me to be. I've been shoving my emotions down. No one knows who I really am (not even me..). In these last two yesrs I wanted to do everything alone. I researched, I practiced yoga, meditation, different kinds of psychological tools. Alone. Everything alone. Even when I was with people I was alone. I could never connect to people and feel that I am myself.
But now I've had enough, I don't want to do everything alone anymore. Being "true to myself" but only when I'm by myself. Because I couldn't with others.
I really really need to express myself. The pain, the darkness. If it's not possible to be understood and heard then I don't want to continue. If I just have to get over the pain and become the old me, that's not an option.
(Sorry, I'm down now but it will pass....)
Don't be sorry ...
I can tell you what I did when I felt like that, not sure if it will help or not...I wrote it down in poetry. Some of it I shared, others I did not.
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Unread 04-21-2017, 01:46 PM   #20
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Default Re: How low...

I do not understand. You want to behave destructively so as to be noticed yet you don't want to ask for help. It is seems the later would be the far easier of the two.
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