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Unread 02-17-2017, 10:34 AM   #1
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Default Just exhausted

In the last couple of years I've lost basically everything. My home, my family, my job and career, money, self-esteem, hope.

I left an abusive relationship and lost my daughter in the process. She lives with her mum, 1200 miles away. I left a lovely home. I left a hope I had for a future and a family. I had to leave though) I was becoming a shadow.

I tried to rebuild my life after I left and started a new job but despite being told that I would be made permanent, I was actually laid off just before xmas. They let me leave work on a Friday thinking that I would be made perm the next week but then called me on Monday (I was on holiday) to say that I had no job to come back to. They did this to everyone in my team and 20 others.

I've been living with my mum since last summer. She's bedridden and has been for 20 years. She was abusive to me too when I was younger and I had to escape. We've had a strained relationship. Patterns huh...
Her house was a mess, a real state. I've been tidying it but now that's almost done. It gave me a reason to get up but now it's pretty much done.

I need to find work but quite frankly I've had enough of everything. All my efforts have ended up with me alone, jobless, poor, 1200 miles away from my daughter and stuck right back in the one place that I swore that I would never return to.

My ex just got diagnosed with MS. I drank too many beers last night and stayed awake till 4am worrying. Feels like life has just fallen apart. First step is finding a new job, but I am absolutely exhausted and used up. I hate myself. It took all my reserves to recover from leaving that relationship. I don't know how to recover from losing my job.

Really though I just don't know how to start again. I just don't have anything left.
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Unread 02-17-2017, 11:06 AM   #2
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Almost 2 years ago I was in an abuse situation. One night I had to save my life. I put my cats in the car, filled 2 garbage bags with as many of my possessions as I could, and drove to a different town. I lost a lifetime of possessions. I did manage to get my family photos out. Hard, hard, hard. BUT I've lived in this town for almost 2 years and finally this year things are coming together somewhat. People can go through hell and survive to create a new life. Really, it's true. You can do it if you put your mind and energy into it. Of top importance is taking good care of yourself...good sleep habits, not drinking too much alcohol, and so on. Being self-destructive will guarantee that your life gets worse. And I believe strongly that worse is not what you want for yourself.
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Unread 02-17-2017, 11:50 AM   #3
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Thanks for sharing and I'm glad that things are getting better for you.

I manage to look after myself for a few days but then lose it again. Sleep is OK but I'm not really eating. Been several occasions when I've not eaten for 24 to 48 hrs. It's a way of punishing myself. Even though she was abusive I feel guilty that I left. Bit of a mess! I kind of fall into the trap without realising. Sad thing is that I can go several days without anyone asking how I am.
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Unread 02-17-2017, 03:01 PM   #4
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The situation I was in was very abusive, no doubt about that...and I still feel guilty that I left him. Abusive people can trick us that way, trick us into feeling guilty for not continuing to take the abuse.
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Unread 02-18-2017, 11:53 AM   #5
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Unread 02-18-2017, 12:00 PM   #6
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Also, I think it's important to keep in mind that while our abusers really did abuse us, and while we really do need to be away from them, that doesn't mean there were not some good times with them. It's just that their abuse was more severe than the good times were.
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