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Old 03-04-2017, 06:27 AM   #61
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04 03 17

Nausea returned again last night. I was lucky to fall asleep just when it hit me.

I hate hate hate anxiety & uncertainty.

Thats all.

I just want to say how much I hate uncertainty.


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Old 03-05-2017, 10:51 AM   #62
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05 03 17 APOGONIA

I was relativly healed for a few days.

Too much sleep today, with a hope that dreams will drown the pain away (anxiety itself is after me so everything looks menacing).

I dreamed that I was in hell looking for a scroll called Apogonia. I returned with it in my imaginary town that floats on water and locked it up.

I googled Apogonia when I woke up and found it:

https://wiki2.org/en/Apogonia
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Old 03-07-2017, 08:05 AM   #63
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07 03 17 ELEMENTS

There is a great game of war going inside me, between complexity and enthropy.

I am complexity and Death, my f(r)iend, is enthropy.

I walk on a board with squares inscribed by chemical elements.

They arrange and rearrange. Puzzling. Pushing me into infinite labyrinth.

Some elements are put together by my medications.

Lots of elements were stolen from me by Death.

I suffer eternally.

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Old 03-07-2017, 09:32 AM   #64
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Originally Posted by bearguardian View Post
07 03 17 ELEMENTS

There is a great game of war going inside me, between complexity and enthropy.

I am complexity and Death, my f(r)iend, is enthropy.

I walk on a board with squares inscribed by chemical elements.

They arrange and rearrange. Puzzling. Pushing me into infinite labyrinth.

Some elements are put together by my medications.

Lots of elements were stolen from me by Death.

I suffer eternally.
I am very sorry that you are suffering with this..you are one of the bears
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Old 03-07-2017, 09:40 AM   #65
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I am very sorry that you are suffering with this..you are one of the bears
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Old 03-08-2017, 06:04 AM   #66
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08 03 17 TRANCE G

Song of the day is unfed pendulum: https://youtu.be/wQeUZ5iT-ss

Tarot card of the day is high priestess.

One of her names is Trance Gemini. Also known as High Fox Priestess, Alice in wonderland, and the Devil.

She is the smartest life form in all the universe. An avatar of the sun. A dweller in the chaos of probabilities.

She is a professional gambler. She never loses in games of luck and chance.

She is a machine fairy. She helps those suffering with anxiety and uncertainty. Or so I comfort myself. Or so she comforts me.

I suffer eternally.
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Old 03-09-2017, 11:12 AM   #67
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09 03 17 PHOTONS BE FREE

song of the day: https://youtu.be/EElaqhquY00

math of the day: ax^2 + bx + c = 0 (parabola)

tarot card: the tower

dedication: to those rare fleeting moments when everything seemed destroyed, light and free
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Old 03-11-2017, 01:48 PM   #68
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11 03 17

I overslept the whole afternoon. Felt like death on awakening. Brufen brought me back to life.

I printed yesterday 36 cards with beautiful math formulas on them.

I dont know why Im so obsessed with math. And language. All sorts of codes and symbols. Especially when they are printed on cards.

Reality is so cruel and dreadful. Symbols are so abstract and otherwordly. A promise of something lighter.

Escape. I want escape from this chains of life. This iron prison. Help. Help.
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Old 03-13-2017, 02:24 PM   #69
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13 03 17

First part of the day was normal, even productive.

Then the gloom hits me, un-triggered.

Anathema helped: https://youtu.be/YVEmGvY4HDI

But its ok. When music feels like psychotic wave-bursts, not ok.

For the whole 2013 music felt like that. I dont know why.
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Old 03-13-2017, 04:21 PM   #70
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13 03 17 part 2

https://youtu.be/aCFEETZX3SY

This is dark side of the moon in the world of metal.

Im not sure anyone will understand me in this but I had to post.
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