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Unread 04-05-2013, 09:59 PM   #1
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Default Alone in s crowd

Hello everyone,
I've always felt alone in a crowd, and lately it's much worse. Lately it's just much worse.
My wife is into communication, and I understand that it it's vital to any good, dynamic relationship.
I tried to talk to my wife today, about my depression. It couldn't have gone any worse. It turned into an argument bc she expects so much from me. It's as tho she expected me to be healed when I got out of the hospital.
They just changed my meds, and I'm so down, I'm so discouraged. I tried to go back to work, but the stress threw me into an anxiety attack.

But, I did have a break thru this week. I finally put into words what my heart feels.

I wish I could will my heart to stop beating so I can be free, free from the burden that it is to be me.

That describes me, here, where I am at this moment....Thank you all for providing a safe place to come and bare out souls.


Sent from my GS3.
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Unread 04-05-2013, 10:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Alone in s crowd

Life can be overwhelming at times and it sounds as though you are there. Has your wife had any counselling on depression? Sometimes if a person other than the depressed individual tells the spouse how critical it is to be supportive and accepting, they will respond to the information better. Just because you just returned from the hospital, that doesn't mean that you are completely cured or don't still have intense emotional pain. For a person who has never been depressed, that can be difficult to accept.

There is a difference between wanting your pain to end and wanting your life to end. In the face of depression, the two sometimes get meshed together and life ending can seem like the only answer. Give your new meds some time to reach their peak blood level. Many anti-depressants can take a couple of weeks before a real change can be seen. That may seem like an eternity to you right now.

Its hard to think and remember when you are having a crisis with depression. I've been fighting depression for the last forty years, and there are times when I can't remember what I was thinking, or can't tell if the fog is lifting. It helps to keep a journal of how you are feeling, what medications you are on and any side effects of your meds. That way, you can look back to what you were feeling last week or last month. A journal will help you identify triggers for your depression, assess the effects of your medications, and let you know how you are progressing. Its also useful to read just before an appointment with your therapist. You will be able to tell him what is going on without having to think back and second guess what you were and are feeling.

It is important that you have a good support system, so if you can convince your wife to either come with you to one of your therapy sessions or see one herself, that would probably be helpful.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad now. Its good that you feel safe enough to come to this forum and use it as part of your support system. I know its not the same as a physical presence, but at least you know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that there are people who care about how you feel.

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Unread 04-05-2013, 11:43 PM   #3
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Location: Missouri
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Default Re: Alone in s crowd

I just typed a 4 paragraph no idea what the h*&l I did, but its all gone. I have no energy to retype it.
I'm going to bed.

Thank you.
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