Leading up to my 23 year Day of Reckoning - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 07-04-2016, 01:05 AM #11
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Default Re: Leading up to my 23 year Day of Reckoning

I'm about 10 days early on this, but in trying to fall asleep after an eventful evening, I thought about where I was 26 years ago.
Nashville, TN.
I hadn't seen fireworks in my city of residence and where I moved to, to live with my mom. Where I graduated from high school and returned briefly after college, then again before marriage until 10 months after giving birth to my oldest.
I've been back here for over 2 years and tonight worked out into seeing fireworks here. Which is how I came to recall that I was in Nashville, 26 years ago.

As I move past my 25 years of recovering, I realize, life does seem to kick me straight in the ribcage quite often, but I'm a fighter. I was a kid, then. Does it get better than crouching down in a shower stall in St. Louis? Do birds chirp as the sun rises?

My gmail presented a tumbler email. It's my 3 year anniversary of my cancer scare. It's it good to be alive? You bet'cha!
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Last edited by healingme4me; 07-04-2016 at 01:06 AM. Reason: photo....home and work...can't ask for more
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Old 07-13-2017, 11:44 PM #12
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Default Re: Leading up to my 23 year Day of Reckoning

27 years.

It's been a year, that is for sure. Strange watching my oldest grow and develop and have his own childhood during these ages, early teens, when these were the years for me of deep sadness. They still have yet to notice my scar. My scar was something that I thought to myself, I will have this talk with them, if they ever ask-any of my three.

I wondered when I would get in here to post and say hello. I'm up late this evening. Have a family get together when today actually becomes today.

Happy day of reckoning, to me.

Last edited by healingme4me; 07-13-2017 at 11:50 PM. Reason: 27 not 26 ...like I wrote..it's been 'a year':\
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Old 07-13-2018, 09:15 PM #13
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Default Re: Leading up to my 23 year Day of Reckoning

28 years. On the Eve. (it's 10pm my time and knowing me, tomorrow could bring busyness or lack of inspiration-could go either way or no way at all)

Wasn't sure if I'd be able to find this through the tapatalk app or not. But here I am and here's this thread and what a strange turn of events the past couple of weeks has been in unearthing parts of my past in healing types of ways.

Right before this event, the tarantula. https://www.spirit-animals.com/tarantula/

Patience, says the tarantula.

Do I go the route of external factors? Because I've really reached a point in my life where personal responsibilty plays a role in choices that we make and it would really suck to sit and point fingers and cast irons. At the same time, how do I discount what was going on around me in my not yet matured state of mind? I certainly lacked stability in my external life. A constant uprooting, being a pawn in a game of custody, being a byproduct of another's internal strife.
I felt.....Ignored. There was so much inconsistency. Say one thing, do another. And left alone. Later years abandonment/well middle childhood abandonment. Was I traumatized? I'm going to say, yes, yes I was.
Being a mom of these age ranges, I'm floored. Literally floored. When my oldest asked me at the age of 12, How did I survive my childhood, he meant it.

I'm glad I didn't get further than I did. I'm glad all that sh ended when it did.

Life hasn't been a bed of roses, but I wouldn't choose to not wake up each day counting my blessings. And it's been said of me, that I do wake up as though yesterday was eons away. Capture+_2018-07-12-22-34-08.jpeg
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