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Old 05-12-2015, 10:13 AM   #11
starthrower
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Default Re: When u lose someone u depended on

It's horrible :/ I've had it with nearly every person I've depended on and it never gets any easier. Usually they gets freaked out or fed up with me being so 'intense', and ask me not to contact them again. It's like being punched in the stomach and everything's sucked out, if that makes sense? Mega vertigo. I used to be really bad at dealing with it and would end up having a relapse of eating disorder behaviours to cope with the feelings, but am gradually getting better at it. Writing definitely helps, and (for me) running. So hard though :/


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Old 08-17-2016, 12:43 AM   #12
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Default Re: When u lose someone u depended on

I don't give advice so I'll just say what I did and am still doing to overcome Dependency (Codependency).
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenity2298 View Post
I have been diagnosed with dependent personality disorder for a while. It's been a cycle in my life that i completely depend on one person from my exes till lastly my best friend.
I entered some cheap or inexpensive 12 step support groups and discovered where my dependency originated, which helped a lot. Then I went to a Self-esteem workshop and learned how to bolster my damaged/lagging self esteem (still working on that) and, finally I went to some Spiritual type groups where I learned about Non-duality and the Self vs. the little, personal self/ego. All of these groups and teachings have made it perfectly clear to me that it's up to me to find my own independence and security and NOT find it in someone or something else, as I was trained to do as child. The story of how I was trained to be Codependent is long but the solution is short = become my own loving parent! So that is what I work on nearly all the time now that my late wife is no longer here to guide, protect and LEAD me.

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I was hopelessly dependent on her and needed to be with her as much as possible and we did spend lots of time together. I went to her for advice on the smallest littlest things she was always there for me. She cared so much for me.
That perfectly describes the relationship I had with my late wife and also my older brother as a child.

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The problem is she always warned me that certain things like drinking or stupid behaviour and she would leave me and never talk to me again. Well, in November I tried to commit suicide and she dropped me just like that. Realizing how dependent I was on her despite being a single mum of a 5 year old I am hurting so so much right now. It's like I'm stabbed in the heart every day every time I think of her and the regret and guilt is horrendous.
And I'd imagine your "situation" has a HORRENDOUS impact on your 5 year old! I'd be thinking of my child if I were you.

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So where do I go from here?
I went looking for and found help in 12 step support groups and some therapist but mostly at groups as I noticed that a lot of therapists and NOT very helpful.

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I'm actively seeking someone else to attach to but to no avail, me and that person has to 'click' for it to function. On the other hand I'm thinking here's a clean new slate and I can start fresh without being so dependent on anyone.
IMO and experience, that is your best option and will also be best for your 5 year old child.

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My pain is however, that I miss having someone there for me and I'm finding it so hard to cope. On a further note I don't want this to happen again, what if i do find a new friendship that 'clicks' and i become overly attached to again, how do i stop that from happening?
IMO and experience, the pain may be reduced by going to support groups and then you will be able to "stop that from happening" in the future once you have obtained a little more self respect and LOVE. This will have a huge, beneficial effect on your 5 year old child, IMO.

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I'm very much in too minds, on one hand I desperately want and need someone on the other hand I want to be independent and capable of being on my own without feeling so alone.
Any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
I found all the help and support I needed in 12 step support groups. Being helped and encouraged by others, who are working on their problems, is way more powerful than sitting with some "perfect", "superior" and "wise" therapist, IMO and experience. Good luck.
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Old 09-16-2016, 06:50 PM   #13
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Default Re: When u lose someone u depended on

I would only add to be extremely self aware of your vulnerability at this time, and the 13 steppers in "support" groups, keep yourself healthy, TLC, there are lots of online resources. In my experiences to this date, it can be a time of reflection, and re-creating, questioning, and opportunity, mini steps to self respect, worth and value that's a key. In addition presence to your young child also. Be the best you and model what you need. I read somewhere: we learn to practice what we most need: compassion, hope, love, acceptance. You got this.

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