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Old 02-21-2019, 05:13 AM   #61
Anonymous32895
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Default Hit me, mon then ...

Girl power? Honestly.
Don't act your shoe size.
Maybe his friends
Found that type
Of jokes funny.
I am not one
Of your male pals, I'd say.
I do not make fun of you
The way you do to me.
Hit me. Come on hit me.
And he spits through
His teeth and tries
To go forehead to forehead with me.
Trying to provoke a fight.
I almost cry.
It is really intimidating.
And I step back
Until I feel the glass table
And avoid eye contact.
He wants me to try
And hit him
So he can hit me.
When he realises
That I won't entertain
His challenge he stops.
No more arguements
If you can't hit me, he says.
My heart races
With the adrenaline, spike.
What would I say
If I had a black eye?
What would I tell my work?

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-21-2019 at 05:37 AM..
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Old 02-21-2019, 05:21 AM   #62
Anonymous32895
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Default Consolation prize

My parents stopped giving
Me a swift slap when I
Was old enough to avoid them.
A hot e^se. That was a joke
Between family and family friends.
Accross the whole country quite possibly
In working class backgrounds.
I can't remember ever
Being put over someone's knee!
It never happened, it was
Just what parents say
When kids act up or misbehave or show off.
Fred used to get the wooden spoon.
House on fire got a good clout.
Boys need a firmer hand, not girls.
Girls just want more attention.
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Old 02-22-2019, 07:00 AM   #63
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Default Re: Life without fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810 View Post
Fred: Do you want me out of the house so
You can slap around behind my back like?
Quit tryin to get me to do things.
Me: No. We both need to meet new people.
Why does everything come down
To the bedroom with you?
I did not cheat on Fred.
Even if he was not
A bit controlling I still
Would never have
Even thought about It.
I was in a committed relationship.
I don't and never believed
That all men's worlds
Revolve around sex.
That is almost
Reducing them to animals
Or what teenagers
Pretend to believe
Is the be all and end all.
Fred just thought it
Was supposed to
Be manly to ask
To be tended to.
He was pushing
His luck and
Copying his boss
And his joke
At the xmas do.
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Old 02-23-2019, 07:36 AM   #64
Anonymous32895
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Default Re: Life without fear

What I had, needed a
Hospital stay and treatment
And afterwards I should
Have rested more.
It was not cancer though.
Dare I say, it was serious
But not life threatening
As having cancer.
I was not bed ridden
And I was "fixable."
I took one solitary pill
And in 28 days I was home.
I would not return
To my sport now
But the doctor knew
I was clever and probably
Would find no satisfaction
Without a tangeable purpose.
That I was not
That happy slogging away
When I did get work.
They were a doctor
And not my life coach.
And I was actually
Doing quite well.
I had a breakdown.
It was a chemical Imbalance.
It felt more like
Having diabetes and
Taking insulin and
Therefore I found it was
A manageable condition.
That is the way
It should be. But
I realise I was lucky
To have responded
To the medication well.
Where, some people don't.
My parents latched
Onto the "some don't" part.
Fred took what
My parents said on board
And still stayed.
I hope it was because
He knew there was
More than one outcome.
That the doctor thought
I would recover with
The aid of medication.
If I was a dead certainty
To deteriorate then
Why would he have stayed?

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-23-2019 at 08:06 AM..
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Old 02-23-2019, 09:50 AM   #65
Anonymous32895
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Default Re: Life without fear

No I was not brain damaged either.
It's the brain producing
Too much of some chemicals
Or too little of some.
So the medication
Helps stem the flow,
Or promote the production of more.
It was just going to take time.
To get back to centre ground.
I may have needed to give
Up some things for a while.
I doubt I will ever run a marathon.
But I could do a 10k if
I set my mind to it. Apart
From that I can say that
It was me who assumed
Certain doors were closed
Because people would
Always find out about the hospital.
But some stigma is
In fact self- stigma.
A person believing
They are being judged
When not all people
Are that judgemental.
It's just like racism or homophobia.
Most people are not.
Some only are to fit in.
Some people change.
And the others that do mind,
Do not matter.
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Old 02-23-2019, 12:20 PM   #66
Anonymous32895
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Default The elephant in the room

So why write a book
If I was only in
For 28 days?
Did I unconsciously want
To hit back at those
Who did me over?
I felt I deserved
More than to be known
As a someone who
Had been in a psych ward,
For the rest of my days.
Even if I never needed
To ever go back or relapsed
It seemed to never blow over.
How 28 days was
Enough to change
The course of my life.
The conundrum or paradox of
How the stay and
Meds saved my life,
Where at the same time
Effectively ruining my life by
Attaching this big
Pink elephant to my back
That I could not shake
And would follow me,
Until I decided enough was enough.
Either I prove my sanity
And worth as a human being
Or the elephant crushes me.
It was slowly going to
Fill the room until
I could no longer take it.
Where's the shining...

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-23-2019 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 02-23-2019, 01:49 PM   #67
Anonymous32895
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Default Re: Life without fear

After all he has done for you?
Name one thing he has
Done apart from visiting
Me while in the ward?
Against you telling
Him to run a mile. Thank you.
Wonderful, doting parents
Would really say that.
You don't care because
I was always last in the pecking order.
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Old 02-23-2019, 01:59 PM   #68
Anonymous32895
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Default The future is orange

Medicine is never absolute.
With any health condition
Nothing is absolute.
With any medication
A person could take
A bad reaction.
It's a slim chance.
Why did they latch onto
Some pathetic conspiracy
Theory by a drunk
In the pub. Did they
Enjoy the drama that much?
Why would parents ignore
A doctor giving positive feedback?
Positive I would move on
And make something of my life.
I had come off the rails.
But I wasn't on heroin or in jail.
I was not addicted to anything.
I was NOT one of them doctors said.
They knew what they were
Looking for and I was
A bright young girl who
Could still have a bright future.
They should have corrected
Milk the system. What, excuse me?
That is my daughter.
They are NOT some drug
Addled waste of space.
They are not like most of them.
But my parents were
Never supporters in my corner.
Whatever David said
My ol'mum dare not argue.
So when he got on his
High horse my ol'mum
Sort of followed suit.
Maybe I don't understand
Because I am not like that.
I would be eaten with guilt.
But with some people
It's strength in numbers.
Back up me? And change
The habit of a life time?
I never held my breath.
So when Fred saw
My side, it was a
Breath of fresh air.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-23-2019 at 02:14 PM..
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Old 02-23-2019, 02:26 PM   #69
Anonymous32895
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Default Re: Life without fear

If me and Fred had kids
I would have been
The mum who found it hard
To say no to my kids.
I would not have let
Him shout or threaten them.
If he told our son or daughter
To stick up for himself
I would have told them,
To learn how to run fast
Or do martial arts.
To walk away from
A fight when he or she
Realised it was brewing.
I would have rewarded
Them for good grades
Or for improving their grade.
I would not be pushy.
I would never make
Them do chores.
They could have a pet
And I would not mind looking
After it and I would
Let them have
Friends round and
I would have worked
All the hours
God could send
To give them a head start.
We would go on holidays as
I would go tee total
So no money wasted in pubs.
Because I never
Got any of those luxuries.
If Fred came to blows
With any of them
I would remind him
He was young once.
And pray to God
They did not hate
Me when they found
Out about the hospital.
But I think they would
Understand when Fred
Criticised my parents
To the moon and back.
Explaining about the
Fountain of knowledge
And them trying to kick
Me out at 16 for
No legitimate reason other
Than their own skewed beliefs.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-23-2019 at 02:43 PM..
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Old 02-24-2019, 10:39 AM   #70
Anonymous32895
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Default Apparently I am too nice

Sucre. Sugar. Sounds like
Aberdeen harbour. I could
Blame the alcohol but
I said sore throat was Fiona.
A general interest in people
Ideal for the retail sector. Liar.
I never moved around
So I was once removed.
Hula hoop, I did wonder.
I am on a diet.
I never ate the cake or slice.
I would have burned it off
Anyway, I was still young.
I just drank the tea.
Curtains, you are too nice.
Yeah is that why I
Broke down a second time.
Nice is weak. A door mat.
Nice and fiery. That is
A Paulo Coelho paradox
If I ever saw one.
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