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Old 02-01-2019, 01:56 PM   #381
Anonymous32895
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Location: UK
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Default Doss pot despot details

I guess I am going to
Be written out of scrooges will.
I don't want to thank
Them for anything. Go ahead
And be my guest.
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Old 02-01-2019, 02:35 PM   #382
Anonymous32895
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Location: UK
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Default Re: Petals

I was the one who
Tried to do the right thing.
I was a good kid.
My blood father
Probably regretted not
Coming to see
Me in 1988 when
He heard I was
Potentially very clever.
But I was the one
That was the problem.
The one needing fixed.
I cannot wait until
You crash to earth
With a thump.
Yes indeed and you
Were the one glorifying
In calling me sick
Because you heard
Some Frank Gallagher
In the pub telling
Some conspiracy theory
That people are
Sick for life after
Being in that place
When the doctor confirmed
I was getting better
And no diagnosis was given.
Gran was an addict.
Other granda an alcoholic too.
Mum and dad
A pair of drunken idiots.
My blood father
A depressed chain smoker.
I was destined
To crash and burn.
Nobody put me
On a pedestal
Because I was
Not from money.
I would be a fraud
If I actually did well.
I thought you were musical?
Not when you live
In a flat and don't
Have your own bedroom
Because all your parents
Do is go to the pub.
And your ol'mum tried
To score extra points
With the local authorities
And faked having depression
To get points for a house.
Did she not realise
That a doctor would
Have to confirm that?
They would take
Your word on it when
Some people are
Dying for properties.
On lists for a decade
Or more than giving up.
Working two to three
Jobs so their kids
Get a head start.
I am the bad one.
No I was the scapegoat.
And Fred knew.
He knew I was mis
Treated in some way.
You are not a druggie
There must be a reason
Why you ended up there.
You are bi-polar? No you are not!
But you are so calm!
And tidy almost OCD.
You are never hyper,
You have a dry humour. Fan club.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-01-2019 at 03:20 PM..
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Old 02-01-2019, 03:15 PM   #383
Anonymous32895
Poohbah
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Location: UK
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Default Re: Petals

When the neighbour said
Your ol'mum cried every night,
I thought it was just guilt.
None of my family
Will ever take an ounce
Of blame with me.
I do not want them to.
My ol'mum was cold
And distant with me
My whole life.
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Old 02-01-2019, 03:49 PM   #384
Anonymous32895
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Default It will hit me later

I struggled with
Personal essays.
Academic ones
Were a cinch.
I had no option but
To down play the value
Of words or was I desensitized
To the impact because
I had this defensive wall
Between me and life.
A lot of the time
I never felt something
Until I thought about
It when I had a spare moment.
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Old 02-02-2019, 09:10 AM   #385
Anonymous32895
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Location: UK
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Default Merry

Are they mental.
Just free association.
I asked my pals
Family to adopt me
When froggy was there.
When drinking with pals.
I thought nobody
Really gave a
Hoot what I said, sober
Nevermind when merry.
I thought nobody
Took me seriously.
Work, rest, play.
You are so anti-social.
My pals said I
Always spoke to guys.
Not to pull.
But just socially
I gravitated to guys.
They seemed less judgemental
Not of me necessarily
As a rule of thumb.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-02-2019 at 12:38 PM..
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Old 02-02-2019, 09:30 AM   #386
Anonymous32895
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Default Bucketful skinful of whiskey

What if they contracted H.I.V
And not chlamydia?
I can say that now.
I just said they
Were like a gay man.
But that was my upbringing
And mass media talking.
And they must have
Took a chance one time to
Have got the c . anyway
So it could have been
Hepatitis or H.I.V. instead.
And the c. can leave
You with fertility problems.
It was not homophobic
Saying they slept
Around like a gay man,
It was stereotyping.
And if they had not
Told people sensitive
Information about me
I would not have Said it.
That was bad her
Doing that. I was drunk
When I said about shortbread.
She was acting
Like a woman of the world
One night and I had
Been drinking. And
She said I spoke in monotone.
Wind your neck in.
Family life suits her though.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-02-2019 at 09:44 AM..
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Old 02-02-2019, 01:52 PM   #387
Anonymous32895
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Default Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Balthascar810 View Post
We were on the property ladder.
My old neighbour joked
That when him and his gf
Moved into their flat,
They bought smart price beans!
Fred was just trying
To pick a fight with me.
"I have the life of a dog
Since I moved in here."
When I shrugged it off,
He blamed me and
Said, "YOU are the REAL reason,
YOU give ME the
Life of a dog."
He completely contradicted
Himself and would
Say " I look after you,
No bacon without me."
It was thug who
"Whispered" in his
Ear when we
Were out in a club.
I heard him.
I was drunk.
I have no idea
What friends I was
With that night.
It was an impromptu
Night out because
I had on a pink vest top.
And Fred was out
Because he was
Always out with his posse.
We were looking
Into renting for a
A good while.
And this house
Came up and we
Went to view it and
It was perfect
For first time buyers.
I did the complete opposite.
I so wish he took
Up a hobby or had
A set day/days where he
Went to pub with his pal.
It was not money.
There was enough
Money to go out.
He was trying to
Avoid his old posse I think.
I seen enough exercise
Classes from doing my sport.
I did not buy labels so
I could save some rainy day money
At least I tried but it did not really work.
You don't miss what you never had.
I could afford Nike and Adidas etc.
But girls don't worry about labels like guys.
I was not frugal or thrifty,
And I never borrowed anything from Fred.
God forbid I daren't. I never even
Considered asking Fred.
After he bit my head
Off over chips and cheese.
We spent a bit much on take out.
Sometimes we would order chicken kavurma
Later in evening after eating tea.
It was not the money that made
Us cut down on take out -
It was the health reasons.
It would have been nice
To have had money for
More frequent trips or short breaks but
We were on the property ladder.
The engagement was not fastest town.
It was just a sign of commitment.
Tbh everyone told me he was a keeper.
When I was on a proper wage
We would have done it properly perhaps.
I wanted to be married before kids.
I was a traditionalist.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 02-02-2019 at 02:40 PM..
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Old 02-02-2019, 02:38 PM   #388
Anonymous32895
Poohbah
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Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
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Default Re: Petals

He was being cautious.
That explains the drawer.
We were still young.
I did not want kids yet.
But if it happened
I would never have aborted.
The box room would have
Been ok for a few years.
I could have studied online
While I was at home.
If we had kids, our folks
Would have bailed
Us out of tricky spots.
Yes my folks too.
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Old 02-02-2019, 03:51 PM   #389
Anonymous32895
Poohbah
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Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
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9 hugs
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Default Re: Petals

You can lead a horse to water
But you can't make it drink.
So peer pressure? Does not exist.
Manipulation? Is for the weak
Coercion? Is for feeble fools
Everyting boils down to
A decision a person makes based on -
Influence, life experience, emotions.
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Old 02-03-2019, 04:09 AM   #390
Anonymous32895
Poohbah
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Member Since: May 2018
Location: UK
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Default They ignored the doctor

Some Frank Gallagher
In the pub telling
Some conspiracy theory
That people are
Sick for life after
Being in that place
When the doctor confirmed
I was getting better.
And no diagnosis was given.
I am the bad one.
No I was the scapegoat.
And Fred knew.
He knew I was mis
Treated in some way.
You are not a druggie
There must be a reason
Why you ended up there?

My parents never
Listened to the doctor.
They believed what
People said in the pub.
Fred was in two minds.
You can be my housewife.
He was possessive.
It was his insecurity
More than a reflection on me.
But he was the best
Person in my life
At that moment in time.
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