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Old 11-21-2018, 06:04 AM #171
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Default Re: Petals

My step dad did treat
Me and Paul the same.
Now my grandparents
Are gone, I do feel
Like he has a support
Network that I do not.
That he always had
More people to turn to.
I felt a little angry
Towards my mum,
For her favouritism.
I thought I must be
Deficient of something
To not feel as loved.
But I have never been
Jealous of Paul. Of
Course his n... would
Suggest that, seeing
As froggy had
Let it slip that n..just
Loves Paul to bits
She can't help fussing.
She forgot I was there
In the middle of the party.
They are like everyone
Else, they see their
Version of the truth.
My mum poisoned
My grandparents against me.
And it made me depressed
To lose my only
Sanctuary of peace.
I loved my grandparents
And I felt like I let them down.
Me and Paul were
Like two ships passing
In the night. We get
Along when we do
Cross paths but there
Are no ill feelings
On either side. We were
Good at different things.
I doubted myself, sure
But under it all I had
Confidence in my intelligence
To get me far.
And when I said that
Paul always got more,
David just put his arm
Behind his head and
Nervously feigned a scratch.
And mum just scoffed,
And said I had a vivid imagination.
But I do not regret saying it.
I should not be ashamed
To feel my feelings anymore.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 11-21-2018 at 06:23 AM.
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Old 11-22-2018, 01:17 PM #172
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Default Re: Petals

I never wanted to be
A part of my fathers side.
I came to terms with
And understood why my
Step family would never
Greet me as their own.
And my mother has
Just rubbed salt into
My lonely enough wounded heart
And she does not want
Me at her favourite nephews wedding.
So now I do not feel
Bad that my Grans extended
Family left her out
Of the speech at her send off.
I will have to find a way
To forget about the wedding.
They abandoned me
In a heartbeat so they
Did not have to
Face their guilt.
But all this hardwork
Building bridges and
Waving white flags.
There is no point starting
A new war I will never win.
I will have to distract myself
And book a holiday
For myself and I
Will say to Pauls family
Afterwards that I
Knew all along but
I did not want to go.
I get it. I am the pink elephant.
And I wouldn't feel at ease
Without a plus one.
And I can hardly
Hire an escort to go.
Two pint Harry's face
Expression would be
Easy for all to read.
And I would just feel
Like a nuisance tag along.
So it is goodbye
To them for good.
I hope that Troy
Finds their happy ending.
I would like to say
It is hard. Failing.
Picking yourself back up again.
To not compare themselves
To the wedding. And
Maybe talk to a
Trained professional about
Their feelings being undermined.
The British nation
Has some of the
Greatest artists especially
In the music charts
This past half century because
Deep down we are
A repressed state of affairs.
We do not
Turn on the water works.
Dry your eyes
Plenty more fish in the sea.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 11-22-2018 at 03:29 PM.
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Old 11-23-2018, 11:38 AM #173
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Default Re: Petals

Fred did not have many
Nice thing's to say about anyone.
But neither did my mum.
Always picking faults
When there was none.
Fred never complimented
Me directly. I am wracking
My brains and I just
Cannot grasp a time
Fred complimented me.
I felt he was only saying
I would get a lucky break
Sometime just to
Try and keep me happy
And settled in our little world.
He said that y
May be talented
But they were
Not a nice person.
So was I a genuine person?
I had a nice body.
But what about me?
I am not just with you
Because I feel sorry for you.
If it isna broken, dinna fix it.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 11-23-2018 at 12:02 PM.
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Old 12-28-2018, 04:13 PM #174
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Default Not n.e.e.t

Cabin fever. I ran everyday.
I did all the housework.
And I read factual
And fictional book
So my brain Did
Not go stale.
My life had
Been rudely interrupted.
I saw that programme too.
Since I was not in
Eduction, employment or training.
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Old 12-30-2018, 04:47 AM #175
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Default The doctors opinion on neuroleptics

The doctors opinion was
All that counted above all else.
So where did my ol' parents
Get the notion I would
Never ever recover?
That I would turn to
Street drugs and die
Before I am in my thirties?
The doctor was nothing
But positive with me.
The "milk the system" cpn
Needs to take a rain check.
In their defence I guess,
Some of the neuroleptic
Newer drugs have not
Been approved for widespread
Usage for too long, some
Only the turn of the century.
So progress is there,
Things are slowly changing.
I would expect nurses and doctors
To have faith and be raving
About the break throughs
In mental health. But
That is not the case.
Where I grew up everyone
Seems to tar everyone
With the same brush.
It was drug addled
Waste of spaces
Who put a strain on the
Psychiatric healthcare system.
The doctor never said to me
That I should lower
My expectations in life.
They said the complete opposite.
I could still get married
And get a career.
People from all walks
Of life were treated
And went back to
The normal humdrum or "slog."

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 12-30-2018 at 05:00 AM.
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:20 AM #176
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Default I can help. I am eminem.

I was away for weekend in the city.
And I had my hold all
Slung over my shoulder.
I was tired and thin
After turning to alcohol,
For a considerable time.
The best way to clear
Your head is travel.
Not being in the
Same spot and getting
Stimulation from surroundings
Instead of a chemical fix.
I needed a trip.
I was approached by
One young man who
Said he had an offer.
He was a drug pusher.
Are you sick of your job?
You don't look happy.
We can help you.
I just kept walking.
Then I took a breather
And sat down with
My bag after I lost
My ID to book into
The travel inn.
So I thought I will
Try the hostels.
And they needed
Photographic I.d.
So I sat with my bag
And cried a little.
And crying always
Makes me tired
Cannot underestimate the
Power of a good cry.
And I almost
Dozed off at the
Bus shelter, and
That's when a gentleman
Came up to me
And said do you
Have nowhere to Sleep?
I can help out.
But I refused of course.
He said he had "a friend"
Who moved from Egypt.
I said I have a home
To go back to,
I showed him my
Return ticket home.
He said he could
Put me up for the night.
And he walked with me.
My alarm bells ringing.
They practically followed me,
All the way to
The taxi rank. And
I got in a cab
Just to get him
Off my tail.
And the man said:
He was bothering you.
And I asked for a
Lift to the police
Station so I could
Report my card missing.
I just slept in
The train station
For a few hours
Before going home.
And I realised why
You do not see
Many homeless young women.
That women indeed
Are more likely
To be rescued than
The young men.
I guess they do not
Realise that in
Desperation they are
Jumping from a
Frying pan into
A fryer and will
Inevitably still turn
To drugs after
Being taken in
By a bad crowd.
Most ordinary people
Do not pick up
Strays form the street
Out of the goodness
Of their heart.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-01-2019 at 08:46 AM.
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Old 01-02-2019, 10:41 AM #177
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Default Re: Petals

Aside from foreigners
Taking our houses and jobs,
My ol'dear said things
That would make you
Question have you
Been drinking or is
That normal tobacco
In your roll up tin?
My neighbours were
In for their games night
And my ol'dear after
Swearing like a trooper
After a losing streak,
Joked she had Tourette syndrome.
And she continued
To act out the charade
Until David said
Right Alexandra it is
Your shuffle and down.
My ol'dear had this
Absolutely crazy notion
That she always
Brought up with friends.
Don't you notice
That fat people have
Pretty faces? To
Say it was sweeping
Statement is kind.
She would say
That she would laugh
About a joke
At work and then
Realise she no
Longer had nice white teeth
And had to put her
Hand over her mouth
And smile without
Showing her gnashers
In the future.
And Freds wife beater
Colleague asked if I
Was "fiery" like my ol'dear.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-02-2019 at 11:52 AM.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:02 AM #178
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Default Re: Petals

You have a bum.
On the end of your nose.
Never realised they
Liked chicken chow mein
Enough to get it tattooed.
Condensation? They did
Not know condensation
Would be on cars
On a cold morning?
Watching volleyball.
For the nice beaches, yeah?
The peaches more like.
Yes that was my point.
That there was one
Reason they watched it.
Maybe I did need
To work on my tone,
Or they Never
Picked up on my humour.
The latter was
Probably more prominent.
I may as well admit
That I padded out
The part-timer jokes
They always made.
Part-timer, no lifer,
May as well
Be a dole dosser.
I was just part-timer.
My jokes were:
Coming out with
Stupid things. That
Was because they
Never got the
Hidden meaning of
A double barrelled joke.
And I found there
Self indulgent speeches
At the end of
Classes to contain
Many stupid references.
I have friends who are thin.
But that does not always
Mean healthy. Do
You know why?
It is because they smoke.
And I think to myself:
Smoking happens to be an
Appetite suppressant.
And everyone is
Entitled to have a vice.
To be frank
I do not think I
Trust anyone who
Has never had
A vice of some sort
Or some sort
Of indulgence or
A guilty pleasure.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-02-2019 at 11:14 AM.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:19 AM #179
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Default Dobock and Dee

I have an issue.
I am paying to get
My towels washed
And they do not smell
Like they have been
Done right? And the
Manageress says they
Were done the same
As every other customer.
But they smell...of you know,
Like a launderette.
And I have no idea
How she managed
To maintain composure
And not say bluntly:
This IS a launderette.
And Patrick argues
They should smell fresh.
And our manageress
Had no intention
Of backing down
And says we use
The same products
For every customer
There is nothing
More I can do.
When Patrick leaves
My colleague says:
He thinks he is
Some kind of gangster.
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Old 01-03-2019, 05:52 AM #180
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Default Fell asleep standing

Freds friends as far as
I can deduce never
Said directly to him
That he was too young
To be tied down to
A girl whose future
Really was uncertain.
When we were out
One night in a club
One of his pals said:
Do you know how glad
I am to see you
Are still together.
When Fred went on
Holiday, they were
Young lads out
To enjoy themselves.
None of them were
Into any drugs.
They were a good
Bunch of lads.
And they were
Encouraging Fred to
Speak to women , not
Solely because I
Was damaged goods
But I think the more
Outstanding reason was
Fred had not
Much experience with
The opposite sex.
And they were
Young lads on holiday.
I would never know.
At my work
One lass spoke about
Her friends long term
Boyfriend cheating on
Her in Amsterdam.
But I did not say/brag
That Fred told
His friends he
Did not want to
Pull on holiday
Because he had a girlfriend.
I was not a hundred
Percent sure that
He did not cheat.
Even though an old
Classmate of mine
Said that Fred
Was telling the truth.
They really did move
Heaven and hell to
Get me to listen.
And his story matched
Up with Fred. And
By the way he spoke
He admired Fred
For standing ground.

Freds pals did not do what
Patrick did because
Nobody did what
Patrick did. Patrick
Said one thing
To appease my
Mum and completely
Changed his tune
When he talked to Fred.
The effrontary of
His actions considering
He did not know
The score and that
He had known
Me for eight years.
It beggars belief.

Last edited by Anonymous32895; 01-03-2019 at 06:06 AM.
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