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Old 03-19-2019, 04:31 PM #1
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Default Feeling alone and lonely

It's been a long and rough week for me already. I don't deal well with being alone. The past two days, I have been alone in my office and then alone when I go home.

Last week, I ended a friendship with someone that I was very close to and had developed romantic/love feelings for. That resulted in my constantly feeling rejected, disrespected, unloved, and unworthy. I told her how I felt a few months ago and she couldn't reciprocate the feelings. I didn't actually hold it against her because I know her story, but when I tried to pull away and pulled me back toward her, I started to resent her. She knew that she was hurting me, and she didn't care. She wanted me as her friend and my feelings were unimportant. So, I ended the friendship.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since Thursday. She avoided me on Friday, and has not been to work today or yesterday. I am finding myself missing her a lot.

I find my mind trying to convince me that I was wrong for walking out of her life. It has been a struggle to maintain no contact. I try to remind myself that the relationship had become toxic for me and that I'm just going through the grieving process. It doesn't make the pain any less even knowing that I just have to experience the pain to get through it.

Sitting in silence, alone, for hours is not helping either. My mind runs through all of those horrible scripts that people ask themselves at the end of a relationship. "Should I have done something differently?" "Could I have tried harder?" "Am I wrong for making the decision?" etc. etc. etc.

The feelings probably wouldn't feel so intense if I had people to interact with and talk to. But, I don't.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the loneliness?
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Old 03-19-2019, 04:36 PM #2
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

I also feel lonely right now. I understand your situation is hardÖ You are not alone xx
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Old 03-19-2019, 08:09 PM #3
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Smile Re: Feeling alone and lonely

Here are links to 6 articles, from PC's archives, that deal with loneliness:

6 Tips for Battling Loneliness

3 Ways to Lift Loneliness

All By Yourself? 10 Ways To Overcome Loneliness

5 Undeniable Ways to Stop Feeling Extremely Lonely

What to Do When You Feel Lonely

https://psychcentral.com/lib/are-you-lonely/?all=1

Hope being here on PC is itself of some help.
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Old 03-20-2019, 07:12 AM #4
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

It sounds like you are second guessing yourself. But it also sounds to me like you made a good decision to distance yourself. You were looking out for your own best interests. You didnít want to be used and you didnít want to be hurt anymore. I think itís natural you would feel lonely after pulling away from any type of relationship. There is a void where the friendship was. Give it time. Even though you feel lonely, you might really need this quiet time to yourself and space from this other person.
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Old 03-20-2019, 09:31 AM #5
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

Thank you Violon95. I know others are going through similar, and much worse, situations than I am. It helps to be able to talk about things and know that others are there to listen. I really appreciate you reach out.

Thank you for the links Skeezyks. I will check them out.

Yeah, Sisabel, the distance from her will help me deal with things and heal my own issues. During a long talk with my therapist on Monday, we discovered that my attraction to this woman, and the many women like her in my past, is really my trying to get a woman who does not love me to love me. They are surrogates for my mother and my feeling abandoned and neglected by her. It's like my subconscious mind is telling me that if I can just make these women love me that I can prove to myself that I am lovable and worthy. We also discovered that I automatically reject any woman who genuinely cares for and about me in any sort of loving way.

Day three of the friend not being in her office. She was already depressed, I hope that my choice didn't push her someplace bad. Am I over-reacting? Is this another game of hers to manipulate me into giving her attention and trying to rescue her? I guess that I'll never know the true answers. I am concerned though.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:31 AM #6
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

I am sorry silk that is rough. Ending a friendship is just as bad as a break up IMO. But she was hurting you by wanting all of the benefits of the friendship knowing you wanted more. This leads me to believe this kind of behavior would be similar in her romantic relationships as well.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:53 AM #7
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Old 03-20-2019, 05:19 PM #8
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

Reading through the links posted above made me feel a bit better. I have been struggling with, and feeling guilty about, having a group of friends and thinking that I shouldn't be lonely because of that. In more than one link, it is mentioned that not only is socializing important, but also having an intimate relationship/companion. It is because of the lack of a companion part that I am feeling this way. Being estranged from my family and not having any close friends that I talk to regularly, if at all, about intimate things leaves me feeling alone in the world.

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
This leads me to believe this kind of behavior would be similar in her romantic relationships as well.
I read something today that goes along with that sarahweets, "And if your partner isn't able to be respectful of your needs and time frame in return, then he or she isn't worth your time at all."

She did make an appearance her office this afternoon. She didn't say anything to me, but then again, I didn't expect her to. I'm just glad to know that she's alright. I did have to contact her because our office needs something from her next week. She apologized for "missing us" when she was here. Being who I am, I instantly reassured her that it was ok and that I just assumed that she needed time to calm down and recenter.
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Old 03-21-2019, 01:21 PM #9
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

Well, I ran into her this morning. She was friendly. Later, she sent me a text asking me to go and have a smoke with her. Because I'm weak, I did.

It was pleasant. She didn't hug me before she left like she used to do. I sent her a text asking if I should just treat her like everyone else in the office building at this point. She responded that she'd prefer somewhere between where we were and just people who work in the same building.

I'm still sad about the whole thing, but I'm glad that it happened. Healing will still take some time though.
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Old 03-21-2019, 03:23 PM #10
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Default Re: Feeling alone and lonely

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Silk Chaos It seems like you've been through a lot. I'm so sorry. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. Yes, it will take some time to heal. Try not to think about it too much if you can. Although I know it's not easy. Try to find as many distractions as you can, although I'm sure you're doing it already. Take all this time for yourself. Take all the time you need. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry. You will get over this, I'm sure of that. You're a strong, wonderful person, Silk Chaos. You can do everything you want! But first, you need to be kind to yourself. I understand that you're feeling hurt right now, Silk Chaos. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Things can and will get better. I promise you that. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Silk Chaos. You're a strong, wonderful person. You don't deserve to suffer at all. I hope things will get better soon for you, and for her as well. I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this! Keep fighting! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! You can do this! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you! Please don't give up! Try to hang on. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Silk Chaos
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