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Old 02-10-2019, 03:11 PM   #1
Emily Fox Seaton
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Default People are so stupid and I am growing so sick of it...

So I thought I was going to stay away from a friend that I wanted to depart from. I did pretty good. I spent a week away from her but Thursday she was noticing and I caved. I figured I could do one lunch with her.

Ugh. She tells me.. get this... she lit her house on fire with discarding a cigerette and she was lucky to get home in time to put it out but her porch has been destroyed. Then, she refuses to call home insurance because, she caused it and she knows she could lose her insurance. Then she got a notice from the city that she has 30 days to get it fixed before her home is condemned.

- I struggled not to say, you are an idiot.

I kind of just got quiet because I had nothing to say. Nothing.

Later, another friend has a elderly mom. First, I hate that 10 years after I dealt with my elderly mom I have to listen to everyone else going on. But what I find, and get frustrated with is that they make their choices and then they want to complain about it. She chose to put her mom in non assisted living. To sell the house and use the money for that.

Why? It just discombobulated her mom.

She, like everyone I know with elderly parents, imho over do their concerns about their parents. Her mom doesn't have dementia. She just is bored and lonely and that is why she calls her daughter daily. I told her she has to stop running every time mom calls but she doesn't want to hear that. And is convinced that her mom needs to go into the hospital to find out what is wrong with her.

Long story short, I am so sick of hearing it. There is nothing wrong with mom! And, if there is, put her in assisted living.

Lately it seems that so many people around me have filled their lives with dramas of their own making that I can't get a word in edgewise. So tried of it. Seriously is there just an AI that will LISTEN to me and not already have a pre existing drama that I don't want to hear about?
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Old 02-11-2019, 10:44 AM   #2
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It could be that you are overtaxed to the point where you can't deal with other people's problems. I get this way too. I handle it by setting boundaries and sticking to them. I used to be friends with a person who made bad choices and never learned from her mistakes. I set a boundary and I stopped calling her.

I used to work for a boss who sexually harassed me. I eventually quit and I hoped he wouldn't bother me, but he would still occasionally text me to get me to come visit him. I ignored the text messages. I refuse to talk to him.

What you can do is not talk to these people. Stop contacting them, and try to find people who seek more balance in their lives.

My therapist and I are working on creating a sort of list of criteria for making new friends. I'm trying not to reconnect with people who aren't good for me. Would taking a similar approach be beneficial to you?
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Old 02-11-2019, 12:14 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry, Emily Fox Seaton Some people can definitely be annoying, especially if we're already stressed out ourselves. I'd suggest to take some time for yourself and avoid seeing other people for a while. Maybe that could help. It sounds like you could really use some rest. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. I'd say the best thing to do with these people is to just avoid them or ignore them, and try not to give them much of a thought. We can't change other people, unfortunately, but we can change how we react to them. I'm so sorry you don't have any friends that are willing to listen IRL. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-12-2019, 03:58 AM   #4
sarahsweets
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I think sometimes when we have been through stuff the solution seems so plain to us and its frustrating when others do not see those solutions as easily as we do. It also makes our tolerance level very low.
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Old 03-07-2019, 01:26 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
But what I find, and get frustrated with is that they make their choices and then they want to complain about it.
Emily: You are better than me that you can think of these people as stupid. I used to show compassion and come to the rescue of such people (I now hate being an INFJ). Someone had to tell me, "Why can't you just say, 'She's stupid' and let it go?"

I think we all make mistakes and want to give each other graces. But it becomes a problem when the foolishness becomes a habitual thing, especially if you are on the listening or the helping end.
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Old 03-08-2019, 06:11 AM   #6
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Default Re: People are so stupid and I am growing so sick of it...

I understand your feelings. I recently cut someone like this out of my life. While it was mainly due to her texting some pretty dismissive/hurtful things to me and then offering several non-apologies, that incident made me realize more about her.

She is definitely the type to make really bad decisions and whine on and on about them. For example, she spends time between her parentsí house and her apartment to help her mother with the family business and take care of her elderly dad. She gave up her career for this (another bad decision). Anyways, she was keeping her life savings in US$ cash because many people where she lives donít trust banks. Instead of getting a safe and keeping the money at her apartment in a building with a doorman and where only she enters, she kept it at her parentsí house which is like Grand Central Station Ė a constant flow of nurses for her dad, housekeepers, workmen, etc. coming and going. The money was stolen. Now, she is constantly complaining about that, poor her, left destitute. But seriously, what was she thinking?!?!?

That is just one example. There are many more. When I got some perspective after her nasty comments, I started to realize this and told her I canít deal with her and blocked her communications when possible. It feels like a weight is off me. I donít regret it. It sounds like you are reaching the same point with this person. If you need to break off communication for your own well-being, then Iíd say do it.
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Old 03-09-2019, 06:58 AM   #7
Emily Fox Seaton
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Quote:
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If you need to break off communication for your own well-being, then Iíd say do it.
I am really starting to wonder if the best times of my life are over because perhaps I was born when people / society was at its best. Pre late 1900s people were to formal and mean devoted to rules and manners... while due to the baby boomer generation's loosing of standards... in the 2000s these things stared relaxing.

Now we are in an area where people are sort of using their base thoughts and emotions without check. They just do... they don't think.. and then they regale you with their drama.

It seems like everyone just starts blathering about their problems and don't think about the idea that maybe they were stupid. Perhaps this is that most people think today you aren't going to "judge" them whereas when I was a kid I think a lot of people would not talk for fear people would judge them.
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Old 03-09-2019, 12:49 PM   #8
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Default Re: People are so stupid and I am growing so sick of it...

Quote:
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i think sometimes when we have been through stuff the solution seems so plain to us and its frustrating when others do not see those solutions as easily as we do. It also makes our tolerance level very low.

exactly: Couldn't agree more: Why can't others see if there's a shift in a girl to girl friendship when it's obvious to the one who's setting a boundary? I guess at times we have to be gently honest with that person and hope they'll finally `get it'.
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