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Old 02-09-2019, 08:51 AM   #11
AbladeintheMeadow
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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
I feel the same way. Although, I only have one person I feel comfortable talking to, but they're not a safe person to talk to...can't be myself, can't always say what's on my mind, can't hang out anymore because we used to be romantically involved and we aren't anymore.
I'm sorry this is your situation.

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I can imagine it actually. It's very unnatural to me. I don't want to be touched usually if I'm upset. At one time I might have wanted to be held and "truly cared for" (as though that's a thing that exists) but it was used as a weapon against me. As in, withholding affection to punish me I guess. So I'm not sure how one can trust affection from an attachment figure? If it's only when you "deserve" it, it makes it always a weapon.
I'm sorry affection has been used in this way. My experience is slightly different in that I had to ask for a hug or to hold hands which made it feel like it was never real. The only time any contact was volunteered was if there was an alterior motive (sex). I stopped asking. I stopped wanting to be intimate. & now there is nothing. I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest which I try & stuff full of other things but they don't stop the hurt. The emptiness. The lonely.
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Old 02-09-2019, 08:53 AM   #12
AbladeintheMeadow
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You are making a lot of sense to me too. Having no one to be held by is a very painful feeling. Especially when you need it and no one's there.

I've been there too.
it is painful. It's almost physically painful as strange as that might sound. I'm sorry you've experienced the same thing x
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Old 02-09-2019, 08:59 AM   #13
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...I often sleep with a stuffed animal so I'm not alone....
me too xx
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Old 02-09-2019, 09:12 AM   #14
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How are you doing, AbladeintheMeadow? I hope you're doing a bit better. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always available if you need to talk. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 02-10-2019, 02:18 PM   #15
AbladeintheMeadow
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Hey there

I'm feeling better again today. I got outside & went for a long walk. That along with the support from you guys has really helped me get through this weekend.

Thank you x
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