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Old 01-07-2019, 03:48 PM   #1
Marylin
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Default Health issues causing complex emotions.

I am having some difficult emotions.My diabetes is out of control and making me ill.I must get onto a healthy diet and exercise.I feel mixed up.I left my abusers and am doing ok without them but I don't have anyone close to comfort me and support me and I miss that.My emotions are mixed up,I chat to people as I go out and about but they are strangers really I so want to make friends,I am sad about all I have been through and especially the state of my health,I am going to make this year the year that I overcome my chronic illnesses.I have lots of plans for this year.I want to sort my inner world out,get in touch with the me inside that is genuine and real and let my feelings come out so that I am being authentic and led by true emotion as well as a sound head on my shoulders.

I am being strong,I have to get my diabetes under control and lose half my body weight,I am going to take it slow and be patient.I am not all down,I am getting used to my own company and a lot of the time I enjoy being alone.
I am starting an art therapy class tomorrow,that should be helpful,it is supposed to be using art to help improve moods and anxiety and depression.Let's see how I get on.I might use this thread to post each week how I get on in art therapy classes.
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Old 01-08-2019, 01:00 PM   #2
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I didn't want to go to the art class today but I went anyway.The tutor and her assistant were nice and so were the others there for the class.We did some drawings of plant material which we are going to turn into felt art next week.I enjoyed the two hours drawing,it helped me relax and was peaceful.I took photos of my drawing.I am looking forward to going next week.I am relaxing now on the settee in my nightie covered with blankets.
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Old 01-08-2019, 01:21 PM   #3
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Good job, Marylin! From what you wrote, it sounds like you're trying your best, and that's all you can do. Keep it up. Don't give up. Things can and will get better. Just stay safe and take care of yourself. You can do this! Keep writing here if you need support. If it can help a bit... I'm here for you. I'll listen to what you have to say. I care about you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:08 PM   #4
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I am trying to handle a lot of anger today.I went for my eye check,luckily no damage has been done to my eyes from my uncontrolled diabetes.I have another chance to get things right so they don't affect me badly health wise which I am grateful for.
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Old 01-15-2019, 03:10 PM   #5
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I went to art class this week.This week and last week I did all the work I was supposed to.But this week two other member of the class and the tutor were verbally abusing me and bullying me.First the woman opposite me called me wet,wet,wet except she pretended to be talking about the water bottles we were using,then I told the tutor I wanted my art work to be autumnal,then the tutor gets this hat out and the woman opposite calls it a jellyfish and the tutor says yes and laughs but they are calling me a jellyfish really cos the hat was nothing to do with a jellyfish.

Then the tutor ignores my work and tell the woman next to me her work is autumnal,and the woman next to me says I don't even know what that means.She goes on to elaborate that her work isn't precise and detailed but rough and freehand implying mine is too accurate and real in detail and that's not what art is meant to be,making me wrong again.

Last week the tutor said my drawing was good and that she was more of a crafts artist not a painter and drawer.Today she looked towards me as the other too were being verbally abusive and bullying me and said thank God art isn't just all about painting and drawing,as if I had committed a massive crime.They laughed together behind my back and it was all aimed at belittling me and making me feel inferior.

I used to get extremely distressed if I was bullied in a classroom situation but I remained cool and calm.When the woman next to me got her work ready for the next stage which was turning her felt into a picture the tutor wrapped it in bubble wrap and a towel ready for next week,I got mine ready for the same stage next week but she ignored mine,I said what do I do with it and she just said leave it there,so she showed favour to the girl next to me but ignored my work.

I just said goodnight and left when the class was over.I didn't confront my bullies but I suppose I should have done.But I was low and upset.I had no patience with these bullies,I think they are stupid,petty and immature.I spend 14 on taxis to get there and back every week and I am not wasting that money to sit there and be abused.

I got home and I emailed the person in charge of the course,I explained what had happened how the teacher joined in the bullying.I told him I thought they were stupid,petty and immature and told him out of the four of us I was the only ethnic minority there and that even if no one else in the class is being bullied and it is aimed only at me I think it is unacceptable and I said I had been abused for a long time before and now have a low tolerance for it.

So I said I am withdrawing from the course but it isn't my fault,as I had turned up and did all the work asked.I said the tutor didn't like I was good at drawing and didn't like painting and drawing,but I do like it and expected the course to be painting and drawing though the tutor didn't know that,she seemed to not like that I was good at drawing and she seemed insecure around drawers and painters.It is like she personalised that and turned me into a scapegoat for her dislike of drawing etc I said the course wasn't right for me and I didn't fit in.

I said the tutor was fake jolly,wearing a false mask and that she had a fake sincerity and I didn't feel comfortable with her.
Then I withdrew from the course.

There are other art course I can join elsewhere.Why should I continue to attend there and be bullied?

So now I am going to look into another art course in another part of the city.

Writing it out here has helped me get over the upset.And I feel good I don't have to attend anymore and just sit there and take the abuse while the tutor condones it.

I am upset and disappointed though,the last week seemed to go well and I thought I had broke a pattern of getting bullied in classes,but no people dislike and are jealous of me always!
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Old 01-16-2019, 02:36 PM   #6
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You made a good move.
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Old 01-16-2019, 03:05 PM   #7
MickeyCheeky
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Good on you for taking care of yourself, Marylin! Sending many hugs to you
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