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Old 01-07-2019, 10:53 AM   #1
Pinocchio46
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I'm going to try to keep this as quick as possible. Basically, a good friend of mine helped me through a really tough time, she is a sweetheart and has never done anything bad to me. However she did start to distance herself because I think it got too much for her, I don't want to go and talk to her because I want to give her space until she is ready.

We go to the same University and although we're not in the same class we pass each other in the halls occasionally. Today she was sat in the same room as me, on the opposite side.

Whenever I see her I feel sick, I can literally feel the blood rush from my head and I feel psychically ill. I don't know if it's guilt for what I put her through, shame, or maybe a little of both. I don't want to discuss this with her, because I want to give her the space she needs, she has already done so much for me.

But in your experience has there been anything you can do to minimise the stress and anxiety one particular person causes you, without discussing it with them directly?
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:05 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry, Pinocchio46 I think a solution could be to write to her, instead of talking face-to-face. The decision of reading or replying will then be up to her. You could say you're sorry for how things went down, if you're still feeling guilty. Or you may simply thank her for the help she provided so far. I think it's important to give it some kind of closure. I also think it could be useful to find some more friends, if you haven't already. That way you'll be able to talk to a variety of people. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-07-2019, 11:18 AM   #3
Pinocchio46
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry, Pinocchio46 I think a solution could be to write to her, instead of talking face-to-face. The decision of reading or replying will then be up to her. You could say you're sorry for how things went down, if you're still feeling guilty. Or you may simply thank her for the help she provided so far. I think it's important to give it some kind of closure. I also think it could be useful to find some more friends, if you haven't already. That way you'll be able to talk to a variety of people. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Sending many hugs to you
I have written stuff in the past, I thanked her a few times and apologised for certain things that happened on Facebook before Christmas and wrote her a nice card with a letter in it saying how much she meant to me for Christmas. She replied to all of the messages on Facebook positively but I didn't hear anything back from the card. I've not talked to her since she thanked me for the present I got her, which she said was so thoughtful and she "****ing loved it" =] (I only bring that up because it makes me happy to think of her excited when she opened it.) haha.

One of our friends said she was a little upset because I thought I hurt her when I didn't, another said she's just been smoking a lot of pot lately (which I hope isn't because of me) and another said she just needs to know I'm okay because it was tough for her to see me like that.

I don't really know what to believe and I'm kind of done looking back at what happened because it's exhausting and I want to focus on myself =] haha

But I just struggle when I see her, the only way I can describe it is I can feel the blood rushing out of my head. I want to give her time, but I just need to learn how to cope being around her, because it was really hard today =[
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:05 PM   #4
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I understand how you feel, Pinocchio46. Just try your best and focus your mind on other activities. When you see her, just be polite and say hello, try not to think too much about it. Unless she wants to talk of course. Don't give up. You can do this! Feel free to PM me anytime. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-07-2019, 12:14 PM   #5
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I understand how you feel, Pinocchio46. Just try your best and focus your mind on other activities. When you see her, just be polite and say hello, try not to think too much about it. Unless she wants to talk of course. Don't give up. You can do this! Feel free to PM me anytime. Sending many hugs to you
Thank you! =] so far I've just been keeping my head down when I walk past her haha, I don't want to make her uncomfortable or anything. Trying to keep busy apart from that =] it''s just like I said being around her makes me anxious now =[ but I'll get there I'm sure =D
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Old 01-10-2019, 04:56 PM   #6
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Iím sending hugs
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Old 01-30-2019, 01:49 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Pinocchio46 View Post
Whenever I see her I feel sick, I can literally feel the blood rush from my head and I feel psychically ill. I don't know if it's guilt for what I put her through, shame, or maybe a little of both. I don't want to discuss this with her, because I want to give her the space she needs, she has already done so much for me.

But in your experience has there been anything you can do to minimise the stress and anxiety one particular person causes you, without discussing it with them directly?
I do have a triggering person in my life also. I am not sure what to do with the stress and anxiety part. Hopefully it gets easier with time. I think you are doing the right thing by giving her the space she needs. It shows a lot of maturity and healthy-behavior on your part.
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Old 01-30-2019, 04:03 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinocchio46 View Post
I'm going to try to keep this as quick as possible. Basically, a good friend of mine helped me through a really tough time, she is a sweetheart and has never done anything bad to me. However she did start to distance herself because I think it got too much for her, I don't want to go and talk to her because I want to give her space until she is ready.

We go to the same University and although we're not in the same class we pass each other in the halls occasionally. Today she was sat in the same room as me, on the opposite side.

Whenever I see her I feel sick, I can literally feel the blood rush from my head and I feel psychically ill. I don't know if it's guilt for what I put her through, shame, or maybe a little of both. I don't want to discuss this with her, because I want to give her the space she needs, she has already done so much for me.

But in your experience has there been anything you can do to minimise the stress and anxiety one particular person causes you, without discussing it with them directly?
I'm sorry for the situation that you have found yourself in. Unfortunately, I may not have the best advice, but I have been in your shoes and know what works best for me. I believe that the only significant way to ensure that these feelings don't present themselves is to remove yourself from the situation.

That space and distance may be the best for the both of you.
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