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Old 12-08-2018, 01:38 AM #1
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Some people of my age are running countries, and here I am feeling hopeless. People who are younger have stronger personalities, more confidence, and have achieved more than me in life, while I am sitting here broken and defeated. It's humiliating. I feel I have grown physically only, but inside me there is a child who hasn't grown, who is weak and fragile. If people know how old I am, and know the things I am talking about here, they will probably laugh at me and look at me with contempt. I myself feel embarrassed and lose my self-respect when I talk about how I feel here, even when I am anonymous and know no one. We men are not supposed to talk about how we feel. We must not complain. This is how we are taught directly and indirectly.

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Old 12-08-2018, 04:28 AM #2
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Default Re: Immature

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Aimless Soul Please don't talk that way about yourself. You're not embarassing and you're not immature. You're fightning and trying your best every single day. That means you're the opposite of a weak and fragile person. Please don't give up. Things can get better, and they will if you just keep fightning like you're doing now. Remember that we're here and we won't shame you or judge you. Feel free to share and vent here. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. Do you see a therapist? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 12-08-2018, 09:01 AM #3
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yesterday I held an apple in my hand and announced, to no one in particular,

" an apple is shaped like a bouncy ball"

in those exact words

at my age I should have a lot more things to worry about than the shape of an apple

they taste good, they are good for you and they smell fresh

does it matter about the shape of them?. I mean seriously. am I that useless and pathetic I'm talking to the air about the shape of an apple?

I seriously have nothing to do with my day.... clearly

or at least nothing productive
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Old 12-08-2018, 09:06 AM #4
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Default Re: Immature

Whoever told you that men are not supposed to talk about feelings is full of crap. That is an idea that has been debunked. Talking about your feelings is the only way to deal with them in a healthy way. Maybe if men talked more, there would be fewer acts of senseless violence.

Also, I don't think it is helpful to compare yourself to other people. I do it too, especially as a woman. I have a job and support myself, but I see other women doing that and also raising kids, which seems impossible to me. I have to remind myself that they have their own problems too. No one's life is perfect, no matter how much it may seem like that to those of us on the outside. There is always going to be someone who seems to be doing better than you. But there are also people worse off. I see mentally ill people living on the streets and remind myself that without the support of my family and medication that would be me.
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Old 12-08-2018, 01:22 PM #5
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You may be "Adult-Child",as I was till I woke up from deep-
trance-state,brought about by severe child-abuse.The child
cannot bear the pain and misery,and would become insane if
he had no escape---the trance is natures way of preserving
life,though the price is very high as you now know. If need
any more info,message me.
Deepest Respect,
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Old 12-08-2018, 01:34 PM #6
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Default Re: Immature

Quote:
Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
Whoever told you that men are not supposed to talk about feelings is full of crap. That is an idea that has been debunked. Talking about your feelings is the only way to deal with them in a healthy way. Maybe if men talked more, there would be fewer acts of senseless violence.

Also, I don't think it is helpful to compare yourself to other people. I do it too, especially as a woman. I have a job and support myself, but I see other women doing that and also raising kids, which seems impossible to me. I have to remind myself that they have their own problems too. No one's life is perfect, no matter how much it may seem like that to those of us on the outside. There is always going to be someone who seems to be doing better than you. But there are also people worse off. I see mentally ill people living on the streets and remind myself that without the support of my family and medication that would be me.
I read of a surviving tribe in a non-fiction land based on the cultures of our existence. This tribe, in ritual, would…
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and that ritual did not involve women, and was accepted as the coming of age for men(young men) in that culture. Quite different that the ritual of dualing kites, sounding horns, or playing the banjo. Although, this is a fictional land, the ritual holds merit to the realities of what this tribe was faced with in the wild(?). We, as a species, are rapidly evolving and I for one, am not ready to jump ship

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Old 12-08-2018, 01:49 PM #7
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Default Re: Immature

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless Soul View Post
Some people of my age are running countries, and here I am feeling hopeless. People who are younger have stronger personalities, more confidence, and have achieved more than me in life, while I am sitting here broken and defeated. It's humiliating. I feel I have grown physically only, but inside me there is a child who hasn't grown, who is weak and fragile. If people know how old I am, and know the things I am talking about here, they will probably laugh at me and look at me with contempt. I myself feel embarrassed and lose my self-respect when I talk about how I feel here, even when I am anonymous and know no one. We men are not supposed to talk about how we feel. We must not complain. This is how we are taught directly and indirectly.

If my age were to bring someone else to laugher, then so be it. Who am I to stop them? Yes, other people's judgments can feel humiliating, but humility is a humble quality that many find respectable. Often it is that child in the other (the laughing other) who is weak and fragile. Like in the TV Drama series "Lost", there are many who have been stranded on the island with respectable careers (police, businessmen, doctor), who end up stranded just the same as everyone else. Learning how to use the tools that life gives us, is how we project and own ourselves, while gaining confidence and direction.
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Old 12-08-2018, 02:10 PM #8
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Default Re: Immature

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless Soul View Post
Some people of my age are running countries, and here I am feeling hopeless. People who are younger have stronger personalities, more confidence, and have achieved more than me in life, while I am sitting here broken and defeated. It's humiliating. I feel I have grown physically only, but inside me there is a child who hasn't grown, who is weak and fragile. If people know how old I am, and know the things I am talking about here, they will probably laugh at me and look at me with contempt. I myself feel embarrassed and lose my self-respect when I talk about how I feel here, even when I am anonymous and know no one. We men are not supposed to talk about how we feel. We must not complain. This is how we are taught directly and indirectly.
Women aren't supposed to talk about how they feel nor are they to complain either. Oh, it may seem that way--but the real message is women are supposed to be warm and wonderfully supportive and bubbly and cheerful and rah-rah-rah for everyone else and to swallow all the crud that the entire rest of the world, including from other women, dishes their way -- or they are not considered to be nice women, desirable women, women worthy of decent treatment.

Now that I've set that little gender lie straight--you sound like an ideal candidate for individual counseling and also for a men's group. I realize group counseling has kind of gone out of fashion, but it is great for your situation. If you start with individual counseling and suggest that you are interested in, and want to start a group counseling group--you will be on your way to growing up inside.

Let me also offer the observation that people who act as though they feel the way you do (many won't verbalize it but it is obvious in their behavior) often have trauma in their backgrounds.

I am not a believer in resting on one's trauma as a blanket excuse not to do the hard work that therapy requires--but if trauma is in your background, that is a good place to start with your therapist--and insist on one who understands and has treated survivors of trauma.

One last thing I offer: yeah, someone is president. Someone else is a prima ballerina, Oscar winner, CEO of some successful company, etc. etc. to infinity and beyond.

But for all their success, there are tradeoffs, whether they talk about them or not, and:

There is only one you. You decide to make yourself wonderful, by your own definition of wonderful. You have a lifetime to work on this project. Ready set go, brother
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Old 12-09-2018, 12:41 AM #9
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Default Re: Immature

What is humiliating is my image of myself, of why I allow others to treat me like this by being so childish and immature in my sayings and doings in a body of an adult.
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Old 12-10-2018, 09:21 AM #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless Soul View Post
What is humiliating is my image of myself, of why I allow others to treat me like this by being so childish and immature in my sayings and doings in a body of an adult.
You might consider doing some research into positive affirmations. I find them very helpful. Another tip would be to eliminate the word "immature" from your vocabulary.

Since you have not provided examples, my general advice for improving your behavior and verbal interchanges with others, since this seems to be your goal, here are a couple of positive affirmation to say every day, in the morning and also whenever you get the chance (privately, to yourself):

I can think before I act.

another might be:

I can listen politely to others.
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