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Old 12-03-2018, 08:38 PM   #1
Anonymous57609
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Default Change is very painful

I know I need to change for things to change, but it's very painful, and to be honest, humiliating. Once I tell someone I am struggling and need help, I feel they think I'm giving them permission to control me, and when I don't listen because I feel I am being controlled (also because of fear and low self-esteem), which I hate, they become angry, and I become the arrogant and entitled. This is how I feel about help. I just need someone to listen and understand, not to give me orders on what to do. I don't have the emotional support. Maybe that's why I don't like seeking a professional help.

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Old 12-04-2018, 01:07 PM   #2
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Yes... change certainly can be painful. I know this is my personal prejudice but... I personally believe seeking help or support from family members or friends is really a lost cause in most cases. They don't know what to say or do. And, besides, they have their own problems & don't really want to have to deal with yours. As a result what you'll often hear from them is some variation on "just do this, that or the other thing" which can come off as controlling.

You mentioned you don't like seeking professional help because you feel they will try to control you. I don't know what types of professionals you've seen of course. A good therapist won't try to control you. So if you're seeing, or have seen, a therapist who tried to control you perhaps you're just seeing, or have seen, the wrong therapist?

Of course, the other consideration here is that there is such a thing as resistance in therapy. And so, if you're in therapy or have been & you began to feel controlled, perhaps this is simply a case of resistance? Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject of resistance in therapy:

Resistance in Therapy-Why You May Not Be Getting Better

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Old 12-04-2018, 04:55 PM   #3
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As they say, "Deciding to change is easy. Actually changing is hard."
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Old 12-09-2018, 08:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: Change is very painful

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless Soul View Post
I know I need to change for things to change, but it's very painful, and to be honest, humiliating. Once I tell someone I am struggling and need help, I feel they think I'm giving them permission to control me, and when I don't listen because I feel I am being controlled (also because of fear and low self-esteem), which I hate, they become angry, and I become the arrogant and entitled. This is how I feel about help. I just need someone to listen and understand, not to give me orders on what to do. I don't have the emotional support. Maybe that's why I don't like seeking a professional help.
I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way. I am sorry that you are struggling right now!
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Old 12-09-2018, 08:32 PM   #5
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Default Re: Change is very painful

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Yes... change certainly can be painful. I know this is my personal prejudice but... I personally believe seeking help or support from family members or friends is really a lost cause in most cases. They don't know what to say or do. And, besides, they have their own problems & don't really want to have to deal with yours. As a result what you'll often hear from them is some variation on "just do this, that or the other thing" which can come off as controlling.

You mentioned you don't like seeking professional help because you feel they will try to control you. I don't know what types of professionals you've seen of course. A good therapist won't try to control you. So if you're seeing, or have seen, a therapist who tried to control you perhaps you're just seeing, or have seen, the wrong therapist?

Of course, the other consideration here is that there is such a thing as resistance in therapy. And so, if you're in therapy or have been & you began to feel controlled, perhaps this is simply a case of resistance? Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject of resistance in therapy:

Resistance in Therapy-Why You May Not Be Getting Better

That is great advice!I wish that I had thought about that myself!
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Old 12-15-2018, 01:45 PM   #6
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Old 12-15-2018, 02:09 PM   #7
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I hope Aimless Soul is doing ok and feeling better
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:19 PM   #8
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As they say, "Deciding to change is easy. Actually changing is hard."
I agree!
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