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Old 08-13-2017, 11:12 AM   #21
TheDragon
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Yeah I will probably find a copy of that book either on Kindle or I will see if they have it on Audible so I can listen to it during my long commute during the week.

I'm also contemplating purchasing this video course that I found an advertisement for via an email newsletter that I am a part of. Normally I don't buy into advertising and what not but the guy who makes it is credible. I can find a link for it and let you see for yourself later if you're interested.

Thanks and I'm sorry for being such a drag again. I was triggered for whatever reason yesterday when I made this post, either because this is the first birthday that I ever spent completely alone or the fact that I am 26 now which means that I wasted over half of my 20s now or some other reason. I feel better now though.
Dude...the 20s is for being wasted xD

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Old 08-13-2017, 11:18 AM   #22
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Dude...the 20s is being wasted.
I guess you're right haha.

I used to not care about doing normal "20 something" things but since starting college and now work and being surrounded by many other students that are in their late teens/early 20s figuring life out and having relationships and what now, it makes me see that I have not had enough experiences as of yet.

I will try to go back and psych myself into thinking how I used to; that I am destined for greater things than an average life and average person activities. I will just have to keep fighting for the type of life that I want no matter the cost.

I've made it this far and things are getting harder for me. I guess I'm doing something right, yes?
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Old 08-13-2017, 11:48 AM   #23
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Glad you're feeling better. I'm going to reiterate, and pretty much disagree with you. Though, maybe you're changing your mind on this: all people are worthy of love and respect. You don't have to do anything to earn that. Have a great day DIMF.
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Old 08-13-2017, 12:47 PM   #24
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I'm not entirely sure of the exact reasons why I feel the way I do, however, if I were to guess, I would say that it's either what you said or me maybe fearing the light or a combination of the two. I don't know.

All I know is that I'm at a huge crossroads in my life. I'm doing well for myself financially. I am making over $400 a month more than my living expenses which is huge for me plus I have at least a few grand coming in next month. If I keep working and saving up money, I could expand on my dropshipping side business and possibly scale it to 6 figures within the next year if I reinvest some of my extra money into it.

This is what I've been fighting for for so long and I long since gave up everything for money including most of my friends and some other things that used to make me happy assuming I could just buy all of my problems away and sate this emptiness inside of me. It is clear that I wasn't entirely correct and the last several years of my life have been wasted. If I could have acted sooner, perhaps I wouldn't have wasted so much of my youth away.

I don't know. I'm conflicted and confused about a lot of things. What I wouldn't give for a mentor in my life right now.
Do you think it's the fear of change... from having to struggle for what you want to actually seeing it come together? I don't think you wasted anything, you learned life lessons from your past - that makes it invaluable time spent. Life is a constant learning experience, we each learn differently and at different speeds. Just because you are "behind" in one area (socializing), doesn't mean anything. You Excel in many other areas others are lacking in (knowledge, will power, sense of "self", etc). We all have things we need to work on, and things we are good at. You know what you need to work on. That's an advantage. Some people have to have it pointed out to them and even then prefer not to see it. As far as I'm concerned, you've done well for yourself and still are. Keep up the good work and stop being so hard on yourself!

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Old 08-13-2017, 12:55 PM   #25
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Do you think it's the fear of change... from having to struggle for what you want to actually seeing it come together? I don't think you wasted anything, you learned life lessons from your past - that makes it invaluable time spent. Life is a constant learning experience, we each learn differently and at different speeds. Just because you are "behind" in one area (socializing), doesn't mean anything. You Excel in many other areas others are lacking in (knowledge, will power, sense of "self", etc). We all have things we need to work on, and things we are good at. You know what you need to work on. That's an advantage. Some people have to have it pointed out to them and even then prefer not to see it. As far as I'm concerned, you've done well for yourself and still are. Keep up the good work and stop being so hard on yourself!

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Thanks.

I've actually fairly recently developed my own theory to explain some of my behaviors and thoughts.

I've mentioned that I'm an INTJ. INTJs are notorious for having to think about and plan things that they do. I think that part of the reason why I think the way I do about me not deserving love and what not is due to my goal oriented nature. I need something to drive me to achieve what I want out of life and what better way to do that then to have yourself convinced that you are going to have to fight for and earn things like love, acceptance, happiness, ETC. After all, necessity is the first cousin of invention, yes?

Of course, I could be wrong or I could be overthinking things again, but it is a thought.
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Old 08-13-2017, 01:01 PM   #26
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Thanks.

I've actually fairly recently developed my own theory to explain some of my behaviors and thoughts.

I've mentioned that I'm an INTJ. INTJs are notorious for having to think about and plan things that they do. I think that part of the reason why I think the way I do about me not deserving love and what not is due to my goal oriented nature. I need something to drive me to achieve what I want out of life and what better way to do that then to have yourself convinced that you are going to have to fight for and earn things like love, acceptance, happiness, ETC. After all, necessity is the first cousin of invention, yes?

Of course, I could be wrong or I could be overthinking things again, but it is a thought.
Sounds like a good possibility, but I hope you took notice about what I said about love earlier?

It will be hard to change your thinking on that, but if you keep reminding yourself (even aloud at times bc hearing it makes it easier to remember), it will happen over time.
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Old 08-13-2017, 02:11 PM   #27
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Sounds like a good possibility, but I hope you took notice about what I said about love earlier?

It will be hard to change your thinking on that, but if you keep reminding yourself (even aloud at times bc hearing it makes it easier to remember), it will happen over time.
Thanks, but I am going to just keep doing what I've been doing and work towards achieving what I want in life. I will endure the occasional loneliness and helplessness if it helps me motivate myself to continue striving to become stronger and better.

If convincing myself that love and acceptance are things that are earned and not given, the pain that I endure when I'm at my worst will act as sort of a carrot on a stick for me to continue to seek self improvement.

I will keep fighting no matter what. I will simply have to figure out a way to deal with the negative thoughts more effectively when they start to interfere.
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Old 08-13-2017, 06:38 PM   #28
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It is my hope n prayer that one day you will find the love and acceptance you need and desire within yourself, perhaps then you will find it easier to receive from others. Until then, you are probably best doing as you suggest, but it still seems sad to me bc I would like to see you overflowing with joy.

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Old 08-17-2017, 09:02 PM   #29
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Yes, we introverts love our minds and need less stimulation from people. Sometimes we need them and sometimes we don't have to have all those extroverted things that are like being center stage all the time. Yet I am always testing in between extrovert and introvert at 50%. Sometimes we just do what we want to do.
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Old 08-18-2017, 05:23 AM   #30
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Everyone is worthy of love and respect. You could begin by making one friend.
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