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Old 05-16-2018, 12:08 PM   #1
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Question When feeling bad feels good... ?

I know oftentimes people has low self esteem / feels unworthy / unlovable / undeserving etc. so that when something good happens to them they have a hard time feeling good and may even feel bad for experiencing good feelings.


But why and what does it mean when people have something bad happening to them and they feel it's good and right, and NOT because they think they deserve it but just because it does really feel good to them? like it all makes sense this way? like it is what they think its meant to be and is fair for them?


is there a word for this? an explanation? is it part of any mental illness/personality disorder?


i'd love to talk about this with anyone and any answer will be greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:03 PM   #2
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

I believe it's usually called "sadomasochism"? At least that's what I think you're referring to. However, I'm not sure it's your case. I think you're probably just tired/fed up with everything and are just waiting for something to happen. Am I correct? If so, please don't harm yourself
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:13 PM   #3
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

Used to be when I periodically felt agitated, angry with low self-esteem I would love to listen to Kurt Cobain and Nirvana and listen to him yell, scream, cry, pout and listen to the hard beat and guitar feedback. It took the focus off me a little bit. I can't think of any other bad feeling that made me feel "good".
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Old 05-17-2018, 10:07 AM   #4
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

Maybe because feeling bad is familiar to you?

Or you just want to feel anything at all. If you can't enjoy good things, at least feeling bad is not being completely numb.
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Old 05-17-2018, 11:40 AM   #5
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

I have found that sometimes going through the bad things brings good at the end, something I never would have expected. It's not that we enjoy or like the bad but it can be endured easier when one comes to have seen good come out of bad in the long run.

My life is probably a good example of this experience.....as I finally have a life I enjoy & embrace after a 54 year life time stress.

Also going through this divorce is hard & a difficult battle but the end result of total freedom after all these years is like the treasure at the end of the hunt.

It't not the feeling bad that feels good but the end result that occurs after feeling bad.

Trials make us stronger & feeling stronger feels good.....maybe not so much in the process but in the end.
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Old 05-17-2018, 11:54 AM   #6
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

MickeyCheeky, thank you. i've done some research about masochism and "self frustrating personality" and it may sound close to what i've written here, but i dont feel it is what happens to me. it sounds too sexual and involving relationships and psychologically subconscious. im not like that. i feel closer to the Factitious Disorder, but my motivation is not getting attention, so...


I've thought about it and i feel its more about having some sense of control in life. as if.... since i cant make things go well, i can make them go bad and gain experiences. a way to feel "superior" compared to others having/getting more experiences.


so it's more about getting knowledge and understanding and experience. and it may also be a way to prove to myself im right about my view of life in general and my own life.


BreakForTheLight, it could also be because it is what is most familiar to me, yes. but i dont mind feeling numb every now and then, as long as it doesnt last forever.

Also, these days i feel more and more aware of my avoidant attitude. i avoid anything external to me that could make me feel too much. so much that i sometimes wonder if i am really able to feel empathy at all. i dont want my feelings to depend on anyone or anything else than me. maybe because this way i feel more in control.



Eskielover, yes, maybe enduring hard times does make me feel stronger. i dont look for the final outcome, but just for the way it makes me feel like i can say i have overcome that (whatever it is) too.

Could this be it? more thoughts/experiences to share?
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Old 05-17-2018, 07:39 PM   #7
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

It some ways that's how I feel when I'm in a mixed state of hypomania/mild depression. Sort of.
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Old 05-22-2018, 06:49 AM   #8
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

feeling bad is comforting sometimes
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Old 05-22-2018, 07:55 AM   #9
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

Could be a matter of habits
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Old 05-22-2018, 12:12 PM   #10
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Default Re: When feeling bad feels good... ?

When we feel good about feeling bad, it's usually not that we feel good about it but it's a feeling we're used to, so it's comforting in a way.

Also, feeling bad releases endorphins, a natural response to help us with the pain. Same thing happens in physical pain. So we can make ourselves feel bad to get that hit of endorphins. It's an addictive loop, to be sure.
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