Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > General > Coping with Emotions



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 08-12-2017, 02:37 PM   #1
Resurgent
 
DarknessIsMyFriend's Avatar
DarknessIsMyFriend has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Inside my own head.
Posts: 2,100 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
432 hugs
given
Default How do I deal with my feelings?

I avoid dealing with my emotions because I am simply too busy for them. Between work, school, and all of my other responsibilities, I don't want to do even more work by trying to figure out how to deal with my emotions too.

I am a logical person. I am great with computers, math, science, and things like that. I am strong at strategy games and other "geeky" stuff. I could tell you how a computer is made and what every little component does, I can decipher binary code into ASCII characters, I can go into detailed explanation of how any major Sci-Fi, fantasy, or anime universe that interests me and recall parts of the story or facts about them that most people wouldn't think about. Get me involved with people or ask me to try to understand my feelings on the other hand, and I struggle.

I've been focusing solely on getting my financial life in order and working toward my goals in life. Things are going good in my professional and business life, but I still struggle to connect with people. I want to get better at making friends and I want to one day experience love.

I want to be able to deal with my feelings, and I want to be a better person, but it's too hard. I crave connections with other people and it hurts when I see all of these happy couples while I'm chronically unhappy and crave connections with people. I want to become better at understanding myself and other people so that I can become a more likeable person. I want people to accept me. I want to be loved. I don't know how to ask for it or connect with people. Humans are too confusing.

So yeah, I have been a rather crappy person on PC during the last few days because it's clear that nobody will ever care about me so I am taking the path of least resistance. It feels better when I can prove to others how much more intelligent I am than other people or how my cold logic is superior to making decisions based off one's feelings. I can't sate this emptiness inside of me and I can't let people close to me and I certainly wouldn't know the first thing about dealing with my feelings when I have so much energy invested in my daily life that the only thing that I want to do when I am at home is play my game or watch my shows or write code or whatever else because dealing with my emotions is too confusing and hard for me.

If there is an easier way to go about changing, I am open to suggestions. It is clear though that I am not wired to be a people person at all. I should just stick to what I'm good at and leave the socializing for the normies and the extroverts.
__________________

DarknessIsMyFriend is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Unread 08-12-2017, 05:07 PM   #2
Member
 
Emily Fox Seaton's Avatar
Emily Fox Seaton has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: California
Posts: 485
58 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
If there is an easier way to go about changing, I am open to suggestions. It is clear though that I am not wired to be a people person at all. I should just stick to what I'm good at and leave the socializing for the normies and the extroverts.
I don't think you should change. I haven't been privy to whatever your talking about being bad on the net, but I think it is probably very likely it is the other people who need to change but would never examine their own thoughts feelings or behavior.

They say it all the time but be true to yourself. It is equally likely you could attract someone with your own personality as a "changed" one.
Emily Fox Seaton is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-12-2017, 05:30 PM   #3
Poohbah
 
starrysky's Avatar
starrysky is rooting for you
 
Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Outerspace
Posts: 1,295
2 yr Member
971 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
I avoid dealing with my emotions because I am simply too busy for them. Between work, school, and all of my other responsibilities, I don't want to do even more work by trying to figure out how to deal with my emotions too.

I am a logical person. I am great with computers, math, science, and things like that. I am strong at strategy games and other "geeky" stuff. I could tell you how a computer is made and what every little component does, I can decipher binary code into ASCII characters, I can go into detailed explanation of how any major Sci-Fi, fantasy, or anime universe that interests me and recall parts of the story or facts about them that most people wouldn't think about. Get me involved with people or ask me to try to understand my feelings on the other hand, and I struggle.

I've been focusing solely on getting my financial life in order and working toward my goals in life. Things are going good in my professional and business life, but I still struggle to connect with people. I want to get better at making friends and I want to one day experience love.

I want to be able to deal with my feelings, and I want to be a better person, but it's too hard. I crave connections with other people and it hurts when I see all of these happy couples while I'm chronically unhappy and crave connections with people. I want to become better at understanding myself and other people so that I can become a more likeable person. I want people to accept me. I want to be loved. I don't know how to ask for it or connect with people. Humans are too confusing.

So yeah, I have been a rather crappy person on PC during the last few days because it's clear that nobody will ever care about me so I am taking the path of least resistance. It feels better when I can prove to others how much more intelligent I am than other people or how my cold logic is superior to making decisions based off one's feelings. I can't sate this emptiness inside of me and I can't let people close to me and I certainly wouldn't know the first thing about dealing with my feelings when I have so much energy invested in my daily life that the only thing that I want to do when I am at home is play my game or watch my shows or write code or whatever else because dealing with my emotions is too confusing and hard for me.

If there is an easier way to go about changing, I am open to suggestions. It is clear though that I am not wired to be a people person at all. I should just stick to what I'm good at and leave the socializing for the normies and the extroverts.
Hi DarknessIsMyFriend,

A few things crossed my mind in order to help you while I read what you wrote. Keep in mind that I'm not an expert on interpersonal relations. I myself have social anxiety and trauma from being treated like crap by other people. But I do try to get out and do stuff like through meetup sometimes, and I volunteer. So I myself struggle with some stuff. and I could probably follow my own advice I'm gonna give you too.

So here are the things.

-don't have high expectations of social situations where you could potentially make friends, but be open to talking to people and helping others if needed. I think that having high expectations, can set you up for disappointment.

-keep a journal. You could write in it like, 5 minutes a day. Or like, once a week even. Write about a situation you experienced and your feelings about it. Recognize that feelings are ok, no matter what they are.

-hone your intuition and learn to trust your gut about situations and people. You seem good at this, to me, actually.

-google is my friend, and possibly yours too. Google "how to make friends," "how to get to know yourself better," or some variation of what you are wondering how to do. "How to understand (your own) emotions."

-realize that personal change can take time, so be patient, and be persistent. If something doesn't work, try something else.

-be kind to yourself. this is hard ****. take breaks.

-consider therapy if thats something that might interest you. The right therapist can be really helpful.

Question. You said that you are very actively involved in your life and very busy. Are you around people a lot too? Another thought that crossed my mind, is that it IS hard. Like, if you're around people for instance, and you're in the groove of NOT talking to them or interacting with them much if at all, it can be really hard to break out of that routine, and its hard to get people to see you differently (as someone who wants to change how they interact, or just someone who wants to get to know these people better). But I will optimistically say I think it can be done. It will be your unique challenge.
starrysky is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-12-2017, 05:32 PM   #4
Poohbah
 
starrysky's Avatar
starrysky is rooting for you
 
Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Outerspace
Posts: 1,295
2 yr Member
971 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I don't think you should change. I haven't been privy to whatever your talking about being bad on the net, but I think it is probably very likely it is the other people who need to change but would never examine their own thoughts feelings or behavior.

They say it all the time but be true to yourself. It is equally likely you could attract someone with your own personality as a "changed" one.
I see validity in this too DarknessIsMyFriend. You could have a distorted image of yourself. And really, don't need to change much. I see you, on here, as pretty self assured. That's an asset in my opinion.
starrysky is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-12-2017, 05:50 PM   #5
Elder
 
Jennifer 1967's Avatar
Jennifer 1967 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 5,741 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
10.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

I agree with starrysky's thoughts about connecting with others. Continue to play to your strengths and slowly chip away at what you see as your weakness (connecting with others). Sending best wishes and big hugs.
Jennifer 1967 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-12-2017, 06:49 PM   #6
Resurgent
 
DarknessIsMyFriend's Avatar
DarknessIsMyFriend has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Inside my own head.
Posts: 2,100 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
432 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Thanks. I guess what has had me feeling like crap all week is the fact that it is my birthday today, yet I have nobody to spend it with. I couldn't go see my relative because I couldn't make it to the bank to deposit money to buy an Uber or Lyft to the Greyhound terminal to go so him because it has been thunderstorming all morning/afternoon.

I guess I'm just tired of fighting all of the time just to get to the point where I can become a likeable person. I've been fighting so long just to get to the point to where I am now, yet it still isn't good enough. I'm still not worthy of other people that aren't messed up like me and until I get to that point, I am going to continue to be lonely and miserable. That pain will have to be my guide to get ahead in life.

Oh well, it is lonely at the top. Few climb Mount Everast and live to see the view at the top. What I'm destined for is greatness at the cost of my own social life. Once I fight my way to the top no matter the cost, only then will I be worthy of respect and love.

At least, that is what I tell myself to motivate myself to work on improving my life.
__________________


Last edited by DarknessIsMyFriend; 08-12-2017 at 07:22 PM.
DarknessIsMyFriend is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-12-2017, 07:26 PM   #7
Poohbah
 
starrysky's Avatar
starrysky is rooting for you
 
Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Outerspace
Posts: 1,295
2 yr Member
971 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

I'm gonna tell you, you are worthy of respect and love, right now. You always have been. Everyone is worthy of respect and love, as they are. You don't have to do anything to earn it. Happy happy Birthday .
starrysky is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-12-2017, 07:35 PM   #8
Resurgent
 
DarknessIsMyFriend's Avatar
DarknessIsMyFriend has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Inside my own head.
Posts: 2,100 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
432 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky View Post
I'm gonna tell you, you are worthy of respect and love, right now. You always have been. Everyone is worthy of respect and love, as they are. You don't have to do anything to earn it. Happy happy Birthday .
Thanks for your kind words, however, I disagree.

I'm not at this time because I have nothing to offer anybody. I'm a bitter, selfish individual who struggles to connect with people. I genuinely don't care about the vast majority of humans because none of them ever cared about me when I needed somebody. All I care about at this point is my own self interest. Because I can't connect with people on an emotional level and I'm incapable of seeing past my own selfish desires and loving other people beyond a select few who have actually when out of their way for me, I need some other way to be useful to other people.

Oh well, at least I have Monoamine oxidase, the warrior gene. I will need to figure out a way to properly utilize this genetic advantage that I have over others.

Once I prove that I am worthy of other people, I will get the love and respect that I so crave.
__________________

DarknessIsMyFriend is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 08-12-2017, 07:48 PM   #9
Poohbah
 
starrysky's Avatar
starrysky is rooting for you
 
Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Outerspace
Posts: 1,295
2 yr Member
971 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

It's cool. It's pretty much just something I read in a book on self esteem. But I do see validity in it. For my own sake, anyway! .
starrysky is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-12-2017, 07:55 PM   #10
Resurgent
 
DarknessIsMyFriend's Avatar
DarknessIsMyFriend has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Inside my own head.
Posts: 2,100 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
432 hugs
given
Default Re: How do I deal with my feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky View Post
It's cool. It's pretty much just something I read in a book on self esteem. But I do see validity in it. For my own sake, anyway! .
I know that you're trying to help me and I'm sorry that I seem dismissive of your advice.

There was a time when I was a much more of a likeable person. However, several years ago, I sold out to darkness. I was so tired of dealing with abuse and torment every day by my mother on top of never having enough food or being able to take care of myself that I vowed to get myself out of such a situation no matter the cost. I did a lot of shady things and hurt people just to get my needs taken care of. I basically lived a lifestyle akin of a cyberpunk character.

Now, I don't think I'm worthy or deserving of love because of how messed up of a person that I am. All I do is hurt people and push others away who try to help me. All I care about are my own tech-obsessed ambitions in life. Nothing and nobody else matter.

I crave love but I am going to have to find a way to suppress these cravings to fulfill my purpose in life so that I may one day prove myself worthy of other people.
__________________

DarknessIsMyFriend is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:27 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines