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Unread 07-05-2017, 02:14 PM   #1
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Unhappy Fear makes me weak.

Upon contemplating, I have grown to realize that my one true weakness is fear. I consider the world a dark, lonely, scary place where if I can't go to any length or sink to any low necessary to win, than I will be lost and alone on the streets someday.

The world is dark and lonely and people are scary. Everything is scary.

The terror is crippling. I can't do anything without wallowing in fear and depression.

The only way that will change is if I become that in which I fear. I need to become one with my own darkness. I need to embrace my inner darkness as my one friend because it has been the only being that hasn't abandoned me yet.

People are bad. People will lie, cheat, steal, kill, and betray. I need to be the same way to survive because the world is a scary place. I need to obtain wealth and power no matter the cost or I will be alone. If I became homeless, I can bet my life that no human would care about me because I'm not worth caring about. I'm not worth caring about because I have no inherit value as a person.

I have no money, no job, no car. I struggle to connect with and empathize with people. I can't understand people without getting frustrated with them. I am worthless to people.

I am nothing without my inner darkness. My inner darkness has been the one friend that I ever had when I had nobody else to love me and tell me everything will be OK. I have had nobody else. I've been lost and alone my whole life.

Well I'm done. I submit to the needs of my inner darkness. I will obtain the resources needed no matter the cost. I owe my inner darkness for keeping me alive so long and I am not one to abandon beings that show me compassion and loyalty no matter how dark and twisted they are. If a serial killer or mass murder came to me and accepted me unconditionally, my darkness and despair would shield them from the light and from the hypocritical justice of this dark lonely world. Why, then should I neglect my own inner darkness?

Hello darkness, my old friend. I submit myself to you in exchange for the power that I need to ensure my future. Now help me defeat fear by becoming it.
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Unread 07-05-2017, 03:31 PM   #2
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

I hope these could help you a little

Ten ways to fight your fears - Stress, anxiety and depression - NHS Choices
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/270485
https://www.briantracy.com/blog/pers...ng-your-fears/
9 Ways to Fight Fear - Altucher Confidential

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Unread 07-08-2017, 07:25 AM   #3
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

Hi Darkness,

This is another post I didn't see due to being lost in my own bs. Sorry.

What you describe here sounds much like social anxiety. Although, I will say even though I do not deal personally with social anxiety, some of what you say, I must agree or semi-agree with.

Fear DOES make you or me or anyone else weak BUT it can also make us strong by forcing us to either deal with the problem at hand or find a way we would not otherwise have found.

People ARE inherently evil BUT they can CHOOSE to learn to change that and become loving, nurturing, kind, generous, honest, loyal, etc... Life is about choices and changes, each person can determine which direction to take for themselves, so in the end -not everyone is evil because not everyone chooses to be evil.

The only way to beat fear is in fact to face it (not necessarily embrace it), and tell it "you have no power over me" and do precisely what fear tells you, you cannot.

About homelessness, being that I have been homeless at two points in my life, I can tell you... for the most part you are right, nobody wants to help BUT there are some who will especially if you show you're trying. I would definitely help you if it was at all within my means to do so at the time.

Now... embracing your inner darkness. That's both good and bad. Depends on how and why you do it. If you are doing it to heal, and thus facing your darkness and saying "yes, you are a part of me, but not my whole. You don't control me anymore, I control you - because I am no longer ashamed nor scared of you. I accept you for what you are, nothing more and nothing less. You are a part of me. No stronger nor weaker than I. You just are.. and I accept you." and then realize you can change whichever parts of your inner darkness remaining active you wish to change - that's a good way of embracing your inner darkness. If you look at your darkness and say, "You are stronger than I. I'm tired. Take over now. Live my life for me." - that's a bad thing because that's giving up on yourself.

You are strong even if you sometimes feel weak. We all have times we feel weak. We all have times we get afraid. The question is - what choice do we make with that fear?

Sometimes I run until I can no longer run. Sometimes I stand strong. Sometimes I cower before it and beg for mercy.

You can run, by refusing to acknowledge the existence of the problem any longer if you wish... But one day it will show itself even stronger again.

You can stand strong by accepting your darkness but refusing to let it take you over and then facing your fear and doing exactly what fear says you cannot.

You can cower before it and beg for mercy by accepting your darkness, giving it strength, and asking it to take over n live your life for you.

The choices are yours. None are right nor wrong. None are set in stone. You can change your choice at any time. That too is a choice..whether or not to change your choice.

Just remember, your choices impact the direction your life takes.

What choice will you make?

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Unread 07-08-2017, 05:02 PM   #4
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

I was just having a very bad day when I made this post.

I am going to try to do things the right way for the most part. I'm going to try to be a decent person and prove that I can be strong.

However, if I become at risk of homelessness or get into any real danger, I'm leaving nothing to chance. I am tapping into my inner darkness to get myself back ahead no matter the cost. I refuse to be at another human being's mercy no matter what ever again because doing so has proven detrimental in the past.

I won't get to that point unless people genuinely don't care about me and want to give me a chance, either in the form of a job or help getting my needs met. If that happens than it will prove my point right that nobody cares unless there is something in it for them. If that happens, then you bet that I am striking back against the same society that brings so many of my fellow outcasts pain without mercy.

But like I said, I'm going to try to do the right thing first and foremost. After all, I want to be proven wrong because I would rather not live life in the shadows anymore if I don't have to.
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Unread 07-10-2017, 06:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
I was just having a very bad day when I made this post.

I am going to try to do things the right way for the most part. I'm going to try to be a decent person and prove that I can be strong.

However, if I become at risk of homelessness or get into any real danger, I'm leaving nothing to chance. I am tapping into my inner darkness to get myself back ahead no matter the cost. I refuse to be at another human being's mercy no matter what ever again because doing so has proven detrimental in the past.

I won't get to that point unless people genuinely don't care about me and want to give me a chance, either in the form of a job or help getting my needs met. If that happens than it will prove my point right that nobody cares unless there is something in it for them. If that happens, then you bet that I am striking back against the same society that brings so many of my fellow outcasts pain without mercy.

But like I said, I'm going to try to do the right thing first and foremost. After all, I want to be proven wrong because I would rather not live life in the shadows anymore if I don't have to.
I loved reading that ♥
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Unread 07-16-2017, 12:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

Hi DarknessIsMyFriend. I recently tried to face my son's addiction. I had to learn to love all of him, his addiction and everything it comes with and the rest of him, always sweet funny and dear no matter where he was travelling. I was amazed at when I tried to be there for him, how I conscripted a whole world that he could join that suited me, but wasn't what he wanted at all. Again and again, I had to take a step back and listen. At the end, I am not sure how much I have gotten through to him that I love every part of him, instead I learnt about myself, about my darkness, and my light. I like that you acknowledge all the parts of yourself. Stepping into the light is scary, but I agree that you should bring all of you and insist people respect you.
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Unread 07-17-2017, 03:06 AM   #7
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Default Re: Fear makes me weak.

I agree totally with what you said. The world is a rat race and I often wonder how people navigate it! They don't seem afraid yet I'm sat petrified all the time. Wondering how I can keep up!
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Unread 07-17-2017, 09:41 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarlett35 View Post
I agree totally with what you said. The world is a rat race and I often wonder how people navigate it! They don't seem afraid yet I'm sat petrified all the time. Wondering how I can keep up!
It unfortunately seems that one needs a degree of ruthlessness to survive in modern day society. Because of a number of factors, such as how many people are alive in the world and how expensive everything is, competition is encourage over cooperation. If you aren't Mr. Perfect at what you do than people won't hesitate to replace you with somebody that is.

That's why I want a catastrophic event to wipe out a few billion people. That way, people can learn to respect and accept one another and there would be less competition to survive and thrive in the world.
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Unread 07-18-2017, 06:21 AM   #9
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I'm glad you decided not to give in to fear or ruthlessness. Best of luck to you.
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Unread 07-18-2017, 06:20 PM   #10
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Quote:
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I'm glad you decided not to give in to fear or ruthlessness. Best of luck to you.
In a way, I have. I simply am choosing a bit more honorable way of going about it.

If I can't find a job by this fall, I decided to tap into student loans on top of my Pell grant that I'm currently receiving to cover all of my living expenses for the next year or so and invest everything that I actually earn aside from maybe $100 or so that I put into savings on my online business that I want to live off of.

I've decided that I'm going all in. The fear of being alone and homeless and the ruthlessness behind wanting to win no matter the cost shall be what drive me. I will keep fighting, both as a student by day, and a business owner by night. If I become homeless, I will live in a van because who needs a house or apartment anyways? As long as I have a laptop and hands I can keep working.

I will turn my hobbies and passions into an income or die trying. What's the point of living if one is miserable all of the time? I'm done. I'm angry. I'm no longer going to be this weak pathetic excuse for a human that I've been most of my life. It's time to be a man for once.

All of my experience up to this point has prepared me for such a trial. It's time for me to suck it up and take action.
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