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Old 04-11-2019, 04:36 PM #1
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Trig A bad horrible horrible horrible person

My parental units said I should be punished all my life

They wanted me to go to prison when I was 6 years old

They wanted me to go to boarding school when I was 8

They lied to me

They gaslighted me

They projected their hate and all their flaws for example extreme meanness with money and selfishness onto me

They wanted me to feel completely alone

But I donít hate them

I miss the maternal unit sometimes

Iím not a dark being

Iím not a hater

But Iíve been hated so much

Or am I? Am I a terrible person but just so stupid or something I have no insight
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Old 04-11-2019, 05:43 PM #2
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person

I am so sorry you were so terribly abused. Abusers abuse, because they are miserable, angry people, and have issues they have never dealt with. It had nothing to do with who you were/are. Sadly as a child, we don't understand that and take all of the blame and shame that does NOT belong to you, but to the abuser. We miss what we never had. My mother was terribly abusive.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:00 PM #3
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
I am so sorry you were so terribly abused. Abusers abuse, because they are miserable, angry people, and have issues they have never dealt with. It had nothing to do with who you were/are. Sadly as a child, we don't understand that and take all of the blame and shame that does NOT belong to you, but to the abuser. We miss what we never had. My mother was terribly abusive.
Thank you Iím very sorry your mother was terribly abusive.
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Old 04-11-2019, 09:36 PM #4
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person

I can relate to your post. My gaslighting mother was mean and selfish. She used to tell me that my problem was that I did not do enough for others (meaning her). She told me as a young child that I was born to take care of her.

She once said to me: I can do whatever I want and you still have to love me because I am your mother. Needless to say, I grew up to be very unhappy. I mistook meanness for love.

As a child, I did not know any better. As an adult, I am severely damaged. It's not a matter of hating them back. It's not that I am stupid because the people who raised me did not prepare me for life like they were supposed to.

But there is this empty void in my life. I hole that I cannot fill myself or heal. Therapists call it a "damaged child" but that does not really describe the problem. I fill the hole with temporary band-aids (like music) but the hurt and the damage never go away. Am I angry about it? Yes. Love has no appeal to me; I'd rather avoid it all together. That is my reality.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:06 PM #5
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person

Thank you for sharing

Quote:
Originally Posted by LifelongLoner View Post
I can relate to your post. My gaslighting mother was mean and selfish. She used to tell me that my problem was that I did not do enough for others (meaning her). She told me as a young child that I was born to take care of her.

She once said to me: I can do whatever I want and you still have to love me because I am your mother. Needless to say, I grew up to be very unhappy. I mistook meanness for love.

As a child, I did not know any better. As an adult, I am severely damaged. It's not a matter of hating them back. It's not that I am stupid because the people who raised me did not prepare me for life like they were supposed to.

But there is this empty void in my life. I hole that I cannot fill myself or heal. Therapists call it a "damaged child" but that does not really describe the problem. I fill the hole with temporary band-aids (like music) but the hurt and the damage never go away. Am I angry about it? Yes. Love has no appeal to me; I'd rather avoid it all together. That is my reality.
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Old 04-18-2019, 08:37 PM #6
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person



You are not a horrible person.

You are a really good person.

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Old 04-18-2019, 08:52 PM #7
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Default Re: A bad horrible horrible horrible person

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post


You are not a horrible person.

You are a really good person.

Thank you Bill3

A bad horrible horrible horrible person
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