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Old 02-04-2019, 11:35 AM   #1
HD7970GHZ
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Default Writing an essay about my trauma - retraumatized

Hi all,

I am writing an essay about my trauma and my lack of faith in humanity as a result of that trauma.

I am not going into great details, but I am retraumatized now and feeling hypervigilant and angry. My body is going through intense reactions to the flooding of memories and I am isolating / avoiding responsibility to stay in my "safe place."

I need to write this essay as a means of healing. It is time. My professor alrrady gave me an extension and I have missed it. Any suggestions for how to get through it?

Thanks,
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Old 02-04-2019, 07:25 PM   #2
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I wish I had some useful suggestions. Please accept my hugs and I hope someone else will be able to offer suggestions.
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Old 02-05-2019, 09:03 PM   #3
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Fuzzybear, you have made my day. I WUV YOU!
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Old 02-06-2019, 03:00 PM   #4
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Could this be that you are writing something very personal and struggle in that your professor will be seeing it and determining it's value?

I found that a lot of the time I struggle with sharing things about myself because of feeling exposed to being criticized, misunderstood, or that it will somehow be used against me. That's because I have experienced just that in my past. I often have had to really push myself to talk about my own traumatic history.
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Old 02-07-2019, 08:15 AM   #5
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Are you in therapy? Doing this without the help of a trauma therapist to help you process the memories will only cause retraumatization not healing.

Obviously the fact that you have missed deadlines shows you that this is not a project to just do for a professor & is a long term process not just something to put in an essay for a professor.

You need to be working through the feelings these memories being up with a T not doing it on your own.
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Old 02-14-2019, 04:34 AM   #6
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Is this a want- as in helping to heal or a need- as in a school requirement or grade?
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Old 02-20-2019, 10:19 PM   #7
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I was trying to heal. I thought I was ready to write the thing, turns out I was not.

Thanks,
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Old 02-20-2019, 11:57 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
I was trying to heal. I thought I was ready to write the thing, turns out I was not.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
You could be ready but this us not the way to go about healing. Trauma healing takes more than just writing it out. It takes professional help to help you PROCESS what happened. Just writing it out does not achieve the necessary processing. Actually just writing "the thing" is like picking the scab on a sore. If you don't have the healing medication of processing along with picking the scab it will actually get worse not better.
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Old 02-21-2019, 08:23 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
You could be ready but this us not the way to go about healing. Trauma healing takes more than just writing it out. It takes professional help to help you PROCESS what happened. Just writing it out does not achieve the necessary processing. Actually just writing "the thing" is like picking the scab on a sore. If you don't have the healing medication of processing along with picking the scab it will actually get worse not better.
Thanks for sharing this.

I agree. I do need to heal from this trauma and process through traditional trauma therapy. Considering my trauma took place in therapy - and the fact that I have continued to seek help in therapy despite being re-traumatized numerous times - I would say the problem is with the healthcare system and their cultural and systemic problems when faced with someone like myself. I am considered a liability client. No one wants to go near me. No one wants to protect me. Because I know what they do behind closed doors and I also aim to expose it. This is threatening to them, and so I have experienced further traumas and abuses and mistreatment. It is a heartbreaking reality. Unfortunately, I really don't know what else to do but keep trying therapy. And I am.

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Old 02-21-2019, 08:45 PM   #10
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I have found that not all therapy is created equal at least here in the US. I had numerous T's between 1994 & 2010 when I finally found the best T's ever..private & my Group DBT leader who is now my private T. But I can see how one can experience so many bad ones that the assumption can easily be that they are all bad & traumatize their clients. Glad you are continuing to look for the help you need
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