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Old 04-04-2019, 12:09 PM #1
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Default Sexual problems

Amazingly I'm now in a relationship after a very long hiatus. Even more amazingly it seems to be working well, including the sex (which is lots - wow!).

Only one problem, I am not able to orgasm, at least not vaginally and only with extreme difficulty and much effort orally/manually (not always then either, most times it's just impossible; like I've managed it twice in more than 10 times that many 'episodes'). It's not like I'm not aroused, seem to be able to sustain an erection for hours, and I am super turned on, just can't seem to 'let go' and the harder I try the harder it gets (I have this problem with other things too like relaxing or swimming or heights).

I keep telling myself it's good that at least I'm not having performance problems, I am pleasing her very much it seems and very attentive (she says) and also I am well aware of tantra and the idea of orgasm not being the main goal - I am comfortable with that but she is not, she feels somehow that she isn't doing the right things to make me ejaculate and this is getting to her. I want her to feel good about herself and so want to be able to get there, even if for me it's really great despite that, any advice?
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Old 04-04-2019, 12:22 PM #2
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Default Re: Sexual problems

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmina View Post
Amazingly I'm now in a relationship after a very long hiatus. Even more amazingly it seems to be working well, including the sex (which is lots - wow!).

Only one problem, I am not able to orgasm, at least not vaginally and only with extreme difficulty and much effort orally/manually (not always then either, most times it's just impossible; like I've managed it twice in more than 10 times that many 'episodes'). It's not like I'm not aroused, seem to be able to sustain an erection for hours, and I am super turned on, just can't seem to 'let go' and the harder I try the harder it gets (I have this problem with other things too like relaxing or swimming or heights).

I keep telling myself it's good that at least I'm not having performance problems, I am pleasing her very much it seems and very attentive (she says) and also I am well aware of tantra and the idea of orgasm not being the main goal - I am comfortable with that but she is not, she feels somehow that she isn't doing the right things to make me ejaculate and this is getting to her. I want her to feel good about herself and so want to be able to get there, even if for me it's really great despite that, any advice?
Hello Carmina. Good question. Do you watch porn when you masturbate? Regular use of porn can cause changes in the brain which affect how a man is stimulated to orgasm. Perhaps that's not something you use? But if it is, the solution is to go completely without porn every time you masturbate. Eventually your brain will return to its prior wiring and you should be able to orgasm with your partner. If that's not the case, or doesn't help, I recommend consulting with a sex therapist.
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Old 04-05-2019, 03:11 AM #3
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Default Re: Sexual problems

Possibly - I do also have diabetes now. I'll try what you suggest, not been needing porn anyway recently but I've been avoiding masturbating completely too.
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Old 04-16-2019, 07:08 AM #4
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Default Re: Sexual problems

OK so it seems it was neither of those things, I just needed to get past certain emotional and sensory barriers due to my C-PTSD (particularly fear of letting go, touch and trust issues)
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:48 AM #5
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Default Re: Sexual problems

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OK so it seems it was neither of those things, I just needed to get past certain emotional and sensory barriers due to my C-PTSD (particularly fear of letting go, touch and trust issues)
Glad you were able to figure it out Carmina! Are things going better for you now?
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:36 AM #6
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Default Re: Sexual problems

It can still take a long time and still not always - but we're in no rush - the journey is where the real adventure lies anyway
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Old 04-16-2019, 06:29 PM #7
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Default Re: Sexual problems

Are you taking any antidepressants? I ask because often an antidepressant can have the side effect of having difficulty orgasming because of the area of the brain antidepressants affect being the same area that lets go and orgasms.
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Old 04-16-2019, 06:34 PM #8
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Default Re: Sexual problems

Medication and diabetes can both have a huge impact on ones ability to reach orgasm. Id recommend talking to you doctor. There may be medical options to help you.
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Old Yesterday, 07:03 AM #9
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Default Re: Sexual problems

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Are you taking any antidepressants? I ask because often an antidepressant can have the side effect of having difficulty orgasming because of the area of the brain antidepressants affect being the same area that lets go and orgasms.
Not for over a year
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