Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > > >



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-14-2018, 11:48 AM   #1
502041
Member
502041 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 34
Default TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

By which I mean I have had chronic depression for as long as I can remember and have in the last couple of years put it down to CPTSD.

I have such entrenched shame about my feelings and self-expression to the point where I think my depression only goes so far. What I mean is that I have never committed suicide because I couldn't bare the shame of no one coming to my funeral, or rather my family seeing I have no life, I don't act on impulses because I don't want people to think I am seeking attention. My inhibition is so entrenched that I can't fully express myself and part of that is being depressed.

I know these sound like good things, I am not trying to say acting on these impulses are a good thing. I just feel like I am stuck in being chronic and it never gets serve because of my inhibition. This is how I feel anyway. I am so scared of being called an attention seeker people finding out what a **** life I have all I can do is isolate myself and remain chronically depressed, which in the UK gets ignored.

I feel like I should have given up years ago, but I was too scared, too ashamed. I have a strong ability to endure **** and pain, but not to overcome it.
502041 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 02-17-2018, 06:56 PM   #2
Skeezyks
Apparition
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 16,893 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

3 yr Member
12.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Re: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

Well... unlike you... I have in fact tried to kill myself. A couple of times I almost succeeded. However each time, after I got out of the hospital, I just went back to doing what I did before I made the attempt. It seemed to be what the people in my life wanted. And the fact was (& still is) I've been hiding for so many years... decades really... that it just seemed like the natural thing to do. It still does. So, anyway, I know something about the toll hiding can take on a person. It is exhausting. Hopefully being here on PC is of some comfort & support for you. I wish you well...
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-19-2018, 02:26 AM   #3
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,173
My Mood: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

5 yr Member
317 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... unlike you... I have in fact tried to kill myself. A couple of times I almost succeeded. However each time, after I got out of the hospital, I just went back to doing what I did before I made the attempt. It seemed to be what the people in my life wanted. And the fact was (& still is) I've been hiding for so many years... decades really... that it just seemed like the natural thing to do. It still does. So, anyway, I know something about the toll hiding can take on a person. It is exhausting. Hopefully being here on PC is of some comfort & support for you. I wish you well...
Exactly. When I attempted they thought I was dead and called homicide yet I was released from the hospital within 24 hrs and went right back to work and acted like nothing happened because because well because it made everyone else feel better and well life had to go on and I had to still make money. I even hide what is going on with me now from my H. I am in a recurring major depressive episode with ruminating suicidal thoughts, I have two therapist now and I have not even told him. He is so busy and it is easy to be an actress in front of him. I go through the daily motions of the day fighting the internal battle that goes on in my head and I am exhausted.
MoxieDoxie is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 02-25-2018, 01:38 PM   #4
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 78,105 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
49.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Old 02-25-2018, 02:21 PM   #5
Wild Coyote
Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
Wild Coyote's Avatar
Wild Coyote has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 9,632 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

2 yr Member
55.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Heart Re: TW suicidal thoughts. Shame stops you from even being openly depressed

(((((( hugs ))))))

I do understand. I have similar feelings. I have never attempted; I truly think I'd succeed. I'm also often concerned about what others may think (erroneously). I try to hide my depression: I am out and about with a "masked depression," when I can get up enough energy to get out. I isolate a lot, too.

Welcome to PC.
I hope you find the info. and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home here. Visit the many forums and join in wherever you wish to do so.

I hope to see you around.
Please take good care of you.

WC
Wild Coyote is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:48 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp


 
Helplines and Lifelines