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Old 03-06-2019, 01:43 PM #11
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Old 03-07-2019, 02:04 AM #12
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I do not think it is wrong to 'debate' on a support forum in certain circumstances. Like, if someone asks for help because they are sad and depressed then that is not a debatable thing, they need help and support. But if someone asks for opinions on some things like: " are vaccines bad?" " "Is seroquel safe?" " Did I ignore my significant other" or "am I wrong?" I think answers to stuff like that can be at least be debatable.
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de∑bate Dictionary result for debate
/dəˈbāt/Submit
noun
1.
a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward.
1.
argue about (a subject), especially in a formal manner.
"the board debated his proposal"
In this context as long as people are not mean, rude or abusive I think it can be healthy. Arguing by hurting (" You are stupid for believing that and even dumber for doing that") is never ok on a support forum. It all depends on context of course.

I find spirited debates stimulating and good for my critical thinking skills provided they are in the right context and not hurting or going against an OP's stated wishes. I think a lot of people are very sensitive to what they perceive as criticism or being wrong. Having your viewpoint challenged doesn't make you wrong and isn't always meant to be personal. The most important thing is to say if your feelings were hurt and apologize if you are the one doing the hurting. I do not have an issue apologizing and admitting mistakes. Sometimes my sarcasm gets away from me or I am too blunt. Sometimes my knee jerk reaction or runnaway mouth gets in the way. Other times I forget to take others' experiences into account or just plain screw up. Admitting you screwed up helps maintain humility, and can help the person you hurt, hurt less.
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Old 03-07-2019, 03:03 AM #13
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Default Re: It's sad

I wish everyone was kind and civil too.

Maybe some people are battling mental illness here and a work-in-progress when it comes to kindness. Of course, that doesn't give them the right to treat anyone with anything less than dignity and respect. But it gives me the grace to take a deep breath and not let them get to me too much (I know, easier said than done)

Last edited by ennie; 03-07-2019 at 03:14 AM. Reason: clarity
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Old 03-07-2019, 03:23 AM #14
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There have been a few threads about wanting everybody to be polite and kind on PC.

While I learned The Golden Rule, and always try to adhere to it. I feel I just want to leave room here for everybody. I like that all walks of life kinds of people can find this place and express themselves; even if their expression is gruff and negative.

If you canít lie and be belligerent on a free, anonymous psych forum, then where can you? Lol.

We can all exist together, even with mean, obnoxious people being however they are. Yes, even though thatís triggering to the sensitive people.
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Old 03-07-2019, 09:23 PM #15
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Default Re: It's sad

Hi sarahsweets. Perhaps I should clarify my post. I wasn't trying to suggest there is no place for discussion or civil debate here. I believe the original poster was talking about when it devolves into uncivil arguments, which happens all too often and can cause considerable trauma for some vulnerable people.

I was stating that I believe the support aspect takes priority. And that people should take care before getting into or continuing certain exchanges. It sounds like you do.

I was also referring to when people push "help" that isn't wanted. It won't work anyways and can do serious harm.

Anyhow, ultimately the moderators are the arbiters when things get ugly. But I would hope those of us who are capable of doing so, would show some personal restraint. Use the report button if necessary. Please don't fan the flames. (This isn't directed at anyone in particular.)

Good night everyone.
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Old 03-08-2019, 01:45 AM #16
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as a rule we do not permit debate here, there are sites out there specifically for that type of thing. We have to remember, many of us come here to get things off our chest or air our real world frustrations, we are real people with real life struggles and on top of that we have mental health issues and constantly fight the stigma too, it's exhausting.


From my own experience as a member, not every time a person puts forward whats eating them up,they may not be looking for an answer, they can simply be searching for the unburdening of frustration, then they use their own self care to adapt back to the stresses. We are all from different backgrounds, different life experiences and different issues with our mental health. We cannot forget that many of us are constantly in a process of change. It can feel like banging your head against a wall, trying in earnest to help a person who is in a situation you were in, try to give them advice based on experience, but they may not be ready and in a place to hear it yet. I'm sure many of us experienced this.



If i can just add, we don't know what somebody is dealing with. We should never attempt to engage in "debate" in somebody else's process of getting out their problems. A debate is supposed to be between two people in a professional forum discussing differing opinions NOT someone in emotional distress looking for help being subjected to scrutiny. Also please remember we do not offer therapy or answers, just a place for us to go and socialize and unburden ourselves BUT this does not mean that you have to engage in posts or threads that upset you, it literally is up to you to follow the golden rule as stated above.


I'm here quite a long time and that's just my two cents, be empathic, humble and treat each other with respect and most importantly, do your own self care.
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Old 03-08-2019, 02:20 AM #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turtleboy View Post
as a rule we do not permit debate here, there are sites out there specifically for that type of thing. We have to remember, many of us come here to get things off our chest or air our real world frustrations, we are real people with real life struggles and on top of that we have mental health issues and constantly fight the stigma too, it's exhausting.
I wish I could change my wording and not have used the word debate because the way you explain it makes sense.
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From my own experience as a member, not every time a person puts forward whats eating them up,they may not be looking for an answer, they can simply be searching for the unburdening of frustration, then they use their own self care to adapt back to the stresses. We are all from different backgrounds, different life experiences and different issues with our mental health. We cannot forget that many of us are constantly in a process of change. It can feel like banging your head against a wall, trying in earnest to help a person who is in a situation you were in, try to give them advice based on experience, but they may not be ready and in a place to hear it yet. I'm sure many of us experienced this.
Good points to remember.

Quote:
If i can just add, we don't know what somebody is dealing with. We should never attempt to engage in "debate" in somebody else's process of getting out their problems. A debate is supposed to be between two people in a professional forum discussing differing opinions NOT someone in emotional distress looking for help being subjected to scrutiny. Also please remember we do not offer therapy or answers, just a place for us to go and socialize and unburden ourselves BUT this does not mean that you have to engage in posts or threads that upset you, it literally is up to you to follow the golden rule as stated above.


I'm here quite a long time and that's just my two cents, be empathic, humble and treat each other with respect and most importantly, do your own self care.
Again I wish I had used a different word. Maybe discuss? Or Engage? I think what I try to do is manage my expectations. Some people here ask for advice or opinions. Some people ask for suggestions. Some people ask questions like..." Do I have xyz?" (which I try to remember to say that none of us are professionals) or "is this abuse?" in which case if I believe what the person is going through is abuse and they are asking if it is, I will say my opinion about it. If someone is venting or ranting it is helpful for them to say that but not everyone needs to say that either. Some people are obviously unloading serious pain and I think learning the nuances of how people express themselves is a good thing. I am trying really hard to balance all of that. The most important thing for me personally is to admit when I am wrong and apologize if I hurt AND not be offended when someone either: does not accept my apology, puts me on ignore, or attacks me for my apology. I am constantly learning how to manage my expectations and as a rule, we really cant have expectations about what other people should say do or feel. I guess I am just trying to remember to be kind and I hope that no one here thinks I am unkind or mean and that I am not trying to be supportive to the best of my abilities. I hope I haven't offended anyone on this thread.
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Old 03-08-2019, 08:18 AM #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
. . .
We can all exist together, even with mean, obnoxious people being however they are. Yes, even though thatís triggering to the sensitive people.
For me, trying to learn how to exist with those who seem mean and obnoxious, or just lost in their own world, has been one of the things I have come to PC for, and have found helpful here.

I understand how the triggering can be very unhelpful to some people, though. And trying to push back, through the triggered emotions, can be overwhelming, especially if people didn't develop the skills and ability to do that growing up. Which is a good reason to come here for support! So, I think it's a kind of catch-22.

Hence, there are the moderators. They can point things out to members, with the voice, or keyboard, of "authority". And although I didn't like the idea of reporting things when I first came here, there is a place for that sometimes.

In the long run, for me, it has been more helpful to learn how to try to tolerate and exist with, and sometimes respond personally to, those I disagree with than it would have been if everybody was always nice.
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Old 03-08-2019, 09:23 AM #19
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I think some people are very confrontational or are hugely invested in showing they are 'right' on certain topics that have emotional weight for them. Sometimes I find there are certain comments that I quite like from a member but at the same time there are other comments that I want to confront in an unproductive way or I spend too much time thinking about them. I have . blocked people like this only to find out later they had gotten themselves suspended and i was just glad that I wasn't aware of the situations that led to that anymore...

I appreciate PC for many reasons but it is also a way for people to play out their worst impulses at times, just like any human interaction can be.
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Old 03-08-2019, 05:49 PM #20
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I find that some people passive aggressively play out their gripes with other members on the forum, rather than just PMing the individual to talk it out. All that accomplishes is antagonism and bad feelings.

I agree with the OP. It is very sad to me as well, that there seems to be a lot of aggression on here as opposed to getting along with one another in respectful and appreciative, compassionate ways. I had brought up a similar issue. There are so many people on here who are here for support and help. Why can't people just get along.
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