Community guidelines clarification - Page 2 - Forums at Psych Central


Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-24-2019, 03:43 PM #11
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,470 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Hi Una. I am sorry if u take any offense to either me or my posts but that is not what this thread is about. Thanks.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley

Last edited by golden_eve; 02-24-2019 at 05:26 PM.
golden_eve is offline  
Old 02-24-2019, 04:21 PM #12
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna unaluna is online now
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 30,407
unaluna unaluna is online now
Elder Harridan x-hankster
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna - Lee Van Cleef fangirl
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 30,407 (SuperPoster!)

5 yr Member
40.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Post Re: Community guidelines clarification

Sorry. I didnt realize i was going against guidelines if i contributed my two cents on a public thread as defined by the guidelines. I guess maybe this is one of those gray areas.

Eta - to address the question about my first post: anyone's understanding or misunderstanding or happiness or unhappiness is not my responsibility.
unaluna is online now  
Old 02-24-2019, 05:16 PM #13
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,470 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Deleted comment. Oops.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley

Last edited by golden_eve; 02-24-2019 at 05:28 PM.
golden_eve is offline  
Old 02-24-2019, 09:24 PM #14
Calla lily12's Avatar
Calla lily12 Calla lily12 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: Boston
Posts: 580
Calla lily12 Calla lily12 is offline
Veteran Member
Calla lily12's Avatar
Calla lily12 Calla is very , very sad
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: Boston
Posts: 580 (SuperPoster!)

593 hugs
given
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

We're all going through something and no one's pain is any less or more than another, so lets stick together. It's so hard to be supportive yet honest. Many times I've wanted to reach out but stopped because of how my response will be taken. It's all very subjective and like all of us , individual.
but then again...what do I know.? I do the best I can.
__________________
I'd rather be a unicorn
Calla lily12 is offline  
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-24-2019, 09:56 PM #15
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,470 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calla lily12 View Post
We're all going through something and no one's pain is any less or more than another, so lets stick together. It's so hard to be supportive yet honest. Many times I've wanted to reach out but stopped because of how my response will be taken. It's all very subjective and like all of us , individual.
but then again...what do I know.? I do the best I can.
Thank you for saying this.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley
golden_eve is offline  
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-25-2019, 07:56 AM #16
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,748
sarahsweets sarahsweets is online now
Grand Poohbah
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets Humor is my end game..
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,748 (SuperPoster!)

102 hugs
given
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Thats Eve for this thread. As a new member I am trying to do the right thing and have been put on ignore for not agreeing with an OP or maybe not saying what the OP wants to hear. When I do that I do not mean to minimize its just that some posts dont really specify if they are asking for advice, opinions or just venting. I try and say If i welcome comments or am just venting.

I think support can also be a gray area. When I relapsed 6 years ago a person from another online forum I belong to had my phone number because we texted and she knew I was in trouble. She called me (the only time ever because she only texts) and she served it to me real. I needed to hear that. I always text her on my sober anniversery and thank her for showing me the light. When she said what she said to me oh how I cried! I was indignant and argumentative. I couldn't believe she was saying these things instead of "supporting me". Earlier that day I had post a very "woe-is-me" I am an alcoholic post looking for pity and validation. When I didn't get it I thought everyone was against me and hated me. I felt betrayed. THAT was a perception I had when I was actively in the throws of alcoholism. I didn't need to hear sweet things and get pity or pats on the back. I needed to hear that I was making a choice to stay sick and hurt my family. I needed to hear that I was the only one who could get help and that I had to get honest and tell my secret and get well. So for me, that was AA. I haven't had a drink since 12/13./12 and I owe it all to the folks who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and said things that hurt but were true.

I look at some of the posts here like that. Sure I could say what someone wanted to hear but if I have experience or strong feelings about something then I guess its a risk to say what I have to say. I try very hard to say it as straight forward as I can and I try to be sensitive. I make mistakes and when I do I always apologize. Sometimes I wish the people who ignored me gave me that opportunity but what can I do?

I also struggle with "toxic" and "retraumatizing" Sometimes it seems that saying that is used to shut someone down. And that isnt my intent. I do not ever want to be seen as a victim blamer but if people do not agree with something I post and just say I am toxic and traumatizing them it puts me in a position of trying to explain myself which looks like defensiveness. I do not know what to do when that happens. On one hand some people are geniunely mean and inflammatory and you can always tell by the way they post- all these flippant sarcastic, unkind statements and one-liners. But I do not think I post like that but can get swept up into the toxic person pile. I am still working through what to do when that happens. I know I have gone on for a while here but really feel passionate about what you shared. Thank you again for being brave enough to say these things.
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is online now  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-25-2019, 11:20 AM #17
Anonymous57363
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Thats Eve for this thread. As a new member I am trying to do the right thing and have been put on ignore for not agreeing with an OP or maybe not saying what the OP wants to hear. When I do that I do not mean to minimize its just that some posts dont really specify if they are asking for advice, opinions or just venting. I try and say If i welcome comments or am just venting.

I think support can also be a gray area. When I relapsed 6 years ago a person from another online forum I belong to had my phone number because we texted and she knew I was in trouble. She called me (the only time ever because she only texts) and she served it to me real. I needed to hear that. I always text her on my sober anniversery and thank her for showing me the light. When she said what she said to me oh how I cried! I was indignant and argumentative. I couldn't believe she was saying these things instead of "supporting me". Earlier that day I had post a very "woe-is-me" I am an alcoholic post looking for pity and validation. When I didn't get it I thought everyone was against me and hated me. I felt betrayed. THAT was a perception I had when I was actively in the throws of alcoholism. I didn't need to hear sweet things and get pity or pats on the back. I needed to hear that I was making a choice to stay sick and hurt my family. I needed to hear that I was the only one who could get help and that I had to get honest and tell my secret and get well. So for me, that was AA. I haven't had a drink since 12/13./12 and I owe it all to the folks who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and said things that hurt but were true.

I look at some of the posts here like that. Sure I could say what someone wanted to hear but if I have experience or strong feelings about something then I guess its a risk to say what I have to say. I try very hard to say it as straight forward as I can and I try to be sensitive. I make mistakes and when I do I always apologize. Sometimes I wish the people who ignored me gave me that opportunity but what can I do?

I also struggle with "toxic" and "retraumatizing" Sometimes it seems that saying that is used to shut someone down. And that isnt my intent. I do not ever want to be seen as a victim blamer but if people do not agree with something I post and just say I am toxic and traumatizing them it puts me in a position of trying to explain myself which looks like defensiveness. I do not know what to do when that happens. On one hand some people are geniunely mean and inflammatory and you can always tell by the way they post- all these flippant sarcastic, unkind statements and one-liners. But I do not think I post like that but can get swept up into the toxic person pile. I am still working through what to do when that happens. I know I have gone on for a while here but really feel passionate about what you shared. Thank you again for being brave enough to say these things.
Hello Sarah. Thank you for sharing your truth. You wrote a very interesting post. I was wondering if I could clarify a couple of things with you.

You mentioned your struggle with chem dep. And how you needed "to be told it straight." I just wanted to add that PC is not designed to treat people with chem dep or any other illness for that matter. Members here do not have a responsibility to assess or treat someone else's mental health concerns. The only person here who is qualified to do that is DocJohn. But he still isn't going to be assessing or treating folks here because it's a website and that wouldn't be possible. I work in healthcare but I am NOT on PC in that role. That's why you won't find my particular credentials or job title in any of my posts. I am here only to seek and offer support.

I just wanted to clarify that because to me your post almost suggested that if we read a post on PC where someone is struggling with chem dep (or another illness) we must take it upon ourselves to sort that person out and get them on the right track. That would not be appropriate for several reasons. I think that's why we keep coming back to the "supportive" word because realistically what else can we be doing here as members who are not psych providers on a website?

What I've noticed on some threads is that some people do seem to be trying to "fix" or "cure" a poster which then leads to judgmental, pressuring or even shaming posts. Does that make sense to you Sarah? I am not saying that's what you do. I'm sharing examples.

Also, I would encourage everyone here not to assume that they should respond to others in the way they'd like people to respond to them. A "straight-talker" could be replying to someone who finds that style rude. There are also some passive-aggressive folks who preface posts with "No offense but..." or "I don't mean to be harsh but...." and then they proceed with an offensive or harsh comment. I'm not suggesting that you do that Sarah. Those are just some examples that I have noticed. We've all met that person in the non-PC world, right, "No offense but that outfit looks terrible on you. I'm not being rude, I'm just really honest."

I believe that if we ALL as a group stepped back and realized that we aren't here to treat or fix people, things would go more peacefully. There shouldn't be a sense of pressure or urgency to change people. We cannot change anyone. People change on their own terms in their own way usually as a result of trauma. What we can do on PC is share ideas or offer a hug or a thoughtful response...that's as much as any of us can do. Whether the issue is depression or chem dep or an attachment to a married person. As soon as one of us tries to treat or fix or change, I think that's when problems quickly arise.

Just my thoughts. Thanks again for sharing your truth Sarah. You are very brave.

Last edited by Anonymous57363; 02-25-2019 at 11:34 AM.
 
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 02-25-2019, 11:50 AM #18
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,470 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Thats Eve for this thread. As a new member I am trying to do the right thing and have been put on ignore for not agreeing with an OP or maybe not saying what the OP wants to hear. When I do that I do not mean to minimize its just that some posts dont really specify if they are asking for advice, opinions or just venting. I try and say If i welcome comments or am just venting.

I think support can also be a gray area. When I relapsed 6 years ago a person from another online forum I belong to had my phone number because we texted and she knew I was in trouble. She called me (the only time ever because she only texts) and she served it to me real. I needed to hear that. I always text her on my sober anniversery and thank her for showing me the light. When she said what she said to me oh how I cried! I was indignant and argumentative. I couldn't believe she was saying these things instead of "supporting me". Earlier that day I had post a very "woe-is-me" I am an alcoholic post looking for pity and validation. When I didn't get it I thought everyone was against me and hated me. I felt betrayed. THAT was a perception I had when I was actively in the throws of alcoholism. I didn't need to hear sweet things and get pity or pats on the back. I needed to hear that I was making a choice to stay sick and hurt my family. I needed to hear that I was the only one who could get help and that I had to get honest and tell my secret and get well. So for me, that was AA. I haven't had a drink since 12/13./12 and I owe it all to the folks who didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and said things that hurt but were true.

I look at some of the posts here like that. Sure I could say what someone wanted to hear but if I have experience or strong feelings about something then I guess its a risk to say what I have to say. I try very hard to say it as straight forward as I can and I try to be sensitive. I make mistakes and when I do I always apologize. Sometimes I wish the people who ignored me gave me that opportunity but what can I do?

I also struggle with "toxic" and "retraumatizing" Sometimes it seems that saying that is used to shut someone down. And that isnt my intent. I do not ever want to be seen as a victim blamer but if people do not agree with something I post and just say I am toxic and traumatizing them it puts me in a position of trying to explain myself which looks like defensiveness. I do not know what to do when that happens. On one hand some people are geniunely mean and inflammatory and you can always tell by the way they post- all these flippant sarcastic, unkind statements and one-liners. But I do not think I post like that but can get swept up into the toxic person pile. I am still working through what to do when that happens. I know I have gone on for a while here but really feel passionate about what you shared. Thank you again for being brave enough to say these things.
Hi Sarah. Thanks so much for sharing. I don’t have much time to reply since I’m at work on a brief break but I wanted to thank you kindly for your post.

To add to what you’ve said, I think straight talk can be helpful let’s say in the case of domestic abuse for example. When a member is being abused and they are not aware that it is emotional/verbal abuse- other members then point out the abuse and identify for that member the abuse tactics being used. In this example situation, the member is asking for help because they’re In great pain and turmoil. I know I have used straight talk coupled with compassion with members (along with several other straight shooting members who are trying to help the abuse victim) to gain an understanding of what is happening to them. In this situation, I think straight talk may be more necessary. That is just an example.

Shoot. I have to get back to work so I can’t elaborate further or go into greater detail, but I think in general that when members use straight talk on here they’re generally trying to help the OP see another viewpoint with a genuine interest and care in seeing the member get out of a bad situation. I can see in other situations where it may not be helpful, however. I know I personally get particularly incensed by domestic abuse and I hate to see a member getting abused by their partner.

And Sorry, I have to cut short but I wanted to say I appreciate your input and thoughts.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley

Last edited by golden_eve; 02-25-2019 at 12:15 PM.
golden_eve is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-04-2019, 06:12 PM #19
tecomsin tecomsin is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: canada
Posts: 1,552
tecomsin tecomsin is offline
Grand Poohbah
tecomsin has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: canada
Posts: 1,552 (SuperPoster!)

591 hugs
given
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

I don't think the function of PC is to provide so-called 'straight talk' from one member to another. That is just my opinion.
__________________
BP 1 with psychotic features
daily: 1 mg Rexulti, 50 mg Lyrica, 50 mcg Synthroid
prn: 1.25 mg olanzapine
tecomsin is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-04-2019, 06:19 PM #20
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030
golden_eve golden_eve is offline
Elder
golden_eve's Avatar
golden_eve has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2015
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 5,030 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
3,470 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Community guidelines clarification

I never said that was the purpose of PC. If you read my original post, I gave specific case scenarios. Many members here give straight talk to each other, if you are here long enough to witness it. And sometimes, I think it is necessary when people are very stuck in an unhealthy or toxic behavior pattern. People also come here for point blank advice on their situation. Often, when that happens people do give straight talk. It happens all the time on here. Most people are just trying to help in the way they know how to and sometimes, that means being very honest and/or direct with their feedback and/or opinions.
__________________
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice."

~Bob Marley

Last edited by golden_eve; 03-04-2019 at 06:32 PM.
golden_eve is offline  
"Thanks for this!" says:
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:27 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please Read the full Disclaimer.