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Old 02-17-2019, 12:54 PM   #21
ArtleyWilkins
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

So baiting through derogatory terms is okay? No. Itís not. Itís rude and manipulative and unworthy of what is supposed to be a supportive environment. It would be nice for people to stop justifying their rude behavior and rather just change it without the ďbutísĒ.
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:56 PM   #22
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

I've never used psych medications. I didn't want anything to get between me and what I feel. That turned out a reasonable decision because I've become calmer through the years.

Yet I don't participate in medication discussions, harassing people who use them, imposing my way of living, judging them, name calling them. That would be abominable behavior.

I don't see the interrupters, the parsers, the scolds any differently when they disrupt a discussion that doesn't affect them.
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Old 02-17-2019, 12:59 PM   #23
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

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Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
So baiting through derogatory terms is okay? No. Itís not. Itís rude and manipulative and unworthy of what is supposed to be a supportive environment. It would be nice for people to stop justifying their rude behavior and rather just change it without the ďbutísĒ.

So what term meets your approval to describe a countless threads inevitably shut down because of disruption, parsing and ad homimen attacks? Is it the description, or the event? And wouldn't it be a more supportive community without this need to parse and dictate?
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:02 PM   #24
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

I give up. Have at it.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:10 PM   #25
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

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I give up. Have at it.

Does this mean you can't answer the question?

I read about many mental health problems on this forum that I never had. It would be beyond atrocious to inject myself in those discussions with prescription, smugness and shaming. I simply skip them. I can't be supportive.

Yet, when a group here wants to banter insights around iatrogenesis, it nearly inevitably instigates a brawl by others who insist on adding something ad homimen, heckling or hateful.

It shouldn't be difficult to live and let live.
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Old 02-18-2019, 04:03 AM   #26
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

I know I am new so I do not have the history that some other members have. There are times when a healthy debate is stimulating and good for the critical thinking part of our brains. Something I try to remember that I forgot recently but was able to reign it in is.... Is it more important for me to be right or to be kind? Is it more important to 'show that person how it is' or offer validation and compassion? There are times where I feel strongly about something and will continue to drive a point but that is generally relegated to when another member asks for advice or wants to know if they are seeing things with an open mind or if there is an ethical answer. I have come to understand that things that involve trauma or people that have been traumatized are not looking to find out if they were "right" or "wrong" Generally they are looking for validation and empathy. I can only speak for me, but my recent involvement in a thread where my compassion went out the window was a result of getting caught up in drama (which I NEVER do) and feeling like I had to take a side. Its hard when certain things from both sides make somewhat sense. Its also hard when I get on my high horse and think it I did things my way then everyone should do things my way. It involves ego and self righteousness. We all give in to our egos at times. And some of us have constructed a delicate layer to our egos that needs constant affirmations. That problem falls squarely on the persons' with the ax to grind. I do not agree with ditching the forums because its not "safe" or because I feel unliked. I first try and make sincere amends and usually that solves the problem because I mean it. I think if more people were able to see their part in a conflict that safety would be felt by more people. It always takes two or more to debate or argue and there isnt always an obvious "right" person. Being human is ok, admitting you were wrong or overeacted, or lacked sensitivity isnt concession to another person. It just means you made a mistake and we all make them. I hope people do not just shutdown and leave because often those people contribute a lot of useful stuff.
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:21 AM   #27
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

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Many or most of us participating on PsychCentral have a history of trauma and/or mental health issues, and experience and knowledge about how to discuss differing opinions -- and disrespecting certain opinions, even -- without disrespecting others is something I know that I have lacked. There really aren't any classes anywhere about that, which I have found. So maybe, we can develop or come up with something ourselves? By participating here in a discussion, which may stray over the community guidelines sometimes, but then we learn and try again? Or something like that?
Assertiveness classes are in fact exactly for this purpose in that they teach how to stand up for yourself without being so aggressive that you work against yourself. I think its a matter of phrasing things tactfully. We might imagine that a whole audience is listening, which it is.
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Old 02-18-2019, 06:57 AM   #28
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

The positives Iíve gotten from PC is the ability to connect with and learn from others here which educated me to help myself with issues hindering my life. I like to keep in mind, though, that posting here is like writing on a public bathroom wall.

Opinions are like azzholes, everybodyís got one! Nobody likes to get criticized and that mental image of being chased by angry mobs with pitch forks (which Iíve held that image myself), is a deterrent for many who would like to post but donít out of that same fear.

As Iím feeling stronger now, I can control just not responding to bullies, trolls, rude people. I can shut them down by not playing into their hands. This is empowering!
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Old 02-18-2019, 08:42 AM   #29
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

I think @sarahsweets hit the nail on the head -- validation and empathy are key words when responding in a mental health community. We're not a debate community. We're not a place to find the "truth" about a particular type of treatment, especially given that different treatments work for different people.

Just try and remember, everyone you're responding to here is likely battling their own pain and demons, ones that just happen to be different than yours. Their life experience is also likely to be wildly different from yours.

All we can do is offer what we can, as fellow human beings, and do so in as non-judgmental way as possible. Sometimes a person just needs to vent and isn't really looking for advice or your "take" on things. That's okay to do here.

That's why I always say this is a self-help support community -- not a discussion forum. If you want to debate topics, there are plenty of online forums to do so. We're not one of them.
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Old 02-18-2019, 10:30 AM   #30
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Default Re: How can we discuss differing opinions and not get into verbal fights?

Thank you for the intent on non-judgment and support rather than debate and ďtruthsĒ.
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