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Old 10-17-2018, 01:25 PM #1
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Recently, I have injured my leg and I am unable to move much or leave the house without someone taking me in the car. I can't drive because I injured my right foot. I feel bad asking people for help with so many simple tasks like grabbing a pillow for me, helping me shower, making me food, driving me to doctor's appointments.


I also feel bad when people ask me how I am feeling. I want to lie and pretend I am doing okay, but in reality, I think I am depressed again. It makes me feel bad because I know I shouldn't be depressed. I have so many people helping support me. I need to stay positive and not let this injury get in the way of the things I want to do. But the guilt of continuing to ask for more still gets to me. I hate asking for help and being needy. But I also know that I need help with certain things. It's just there is a limit to how much I can ask of certain people at a time.


My background: I believe I grew up with CEN. At a young age, I learned to not ask for anything because my parents were away and busy with work. They only wanted me to do well in school. Nothing else about me really mattered. I learned to repress my negative emotions. As a teenager, I never discussed issues with heartbreak or feeling lonely or having desires to go outside and play instead of being stuck at home. During college, I had my first depression break down. I didn't tell anyone at home because I felt they wouldn't understand.


I think my background of CEN is making it harder for me to ask for help when I need it. I already normally don't like to ask for help and prefer being independent. I am also not good with managing my emotions (I have trouble identifying what I am feeling, I have trouble opening up to people about my negative emotions, I constantly cry for no reason).


I am wondering if anyone has advice or tips for how I should manage my guilty feelings when it comes to depending on others for both physical and emotional help. I feel like there must be something wrong with my current mindset that I need to change.
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:29 PM #2
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"I feel like there must be something wrong with my current mindset that I need to change. "


To describe this more, I mean I keep making excuses for what I can or cannot do when I should think about it more openly and realize I can still do a lot of things even if I have an injury. I feel useless and not able to help, in fact I generate more work. I can't do anything to support others.
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Old 10-17-2018, 09:47 PM #3
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Wow, are you and I alike. I am dealing with a torn knee ligament and am waiting for surgery. Needless to say, I can do only a little for myself and I can't drive. And I am depressed, too. My husband helps some, but I hate to ask him for a lot. And a friend is coming to help me for a day and then my sister. But I keep thinking I shouldn't ask them for much.

My mom was never very helpful for me when I first hurt my knee and I struggled a lot then.

So you are not alone! What can we do to be supportive of each other?
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Old 10-18-2018, 02:52 PM #4
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Hi Travelinglady. I'm sorry to hear that you are having knee problems and are still waiting for surgery. That must be super frustrating. Hang in there!


I was lucky enough to have my surgery scheduled within 3 days of my injury. The recovery time for me (judging from the last time I tore my Achilles tendon in my left leg) is between 6-9 months to be able to fully walk and run. 1.5 months has gone by now. It is a slow waiting process. Hopefully you can have your surgery soon and hear from the doctor about your recovery process. Did she mention how long it takes to heal the knee ligament?


I think the first few weeks were more bearable as my friends came to visit me and such. But they have since gone back to their daily lives, which is normal and I don't blame them for it.


I guess you and I are very alike in that our mothers are not super helpful, in fact sometimes oblivious to what we need. When I asked my dad for muscle patches for my back pain (from sitting in bed all day), she threw a complete hissy fit because my dad seemed to pay more attention to me than her.


I guess the best way to support each other is to have a thread for check-ins? It at least helps to know someone else is going through the same struggles. Perhaps having someone to share daily life ups and downs with can help as an outlet when we don't feel comfortable going to others near us at the time being. What do you think?
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Old 10-27-2018, 02:15 PM #5
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CEN seems to condition us to believing that we don't deserve to ask for help when we need it. We deserve help as much as anyone else. Believe it.
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Old 11-06-2018, 11:41 AM #6
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Old 11-06-2018, 01:14 PM #7
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((((connect.the.stars)))) There's no "should" when it comes to depression. If you suffer from it, you have depression. I'm sorry you're struggling, but please remember that you're worthy and deserving of love as much as anyone else.
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