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Old 10-06-2018, 11:59 PM   #1
Miryuiki
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As a child, I was taught by everyone I associated with that whatever I did was wrong. That no matter what I did, it was wrong and if anyone had to suffer the aftermath of it, I were to be the blame for it. Even if it had nothing to do with me... Even by my own parents there were times where I felt so neglected that I thought I was adopted... Maybe I'd have a real family somewhere else...
This may not be the right place to post but I'm not sure because its also partially neglect but, does childhood neglect only come from parents?
What about the neglect we suffered while growing up.. by people whom we thought were friends but just merely used us as an excuse if anything happened and blamed anything on us because we were an easy target...

How do we love ourselves when from such a young age, we were taught that our happiness would only bring people pain... Whenever we want things our way or anything it's always wrong. But why is it ok when other people do it? How is it ok that they could hurt us without thinking of our feelings, yet when we hurt anyone , we get attacked by everyone... How is it that people that harmed us are always protected and we who try not to harm anyone always gets the blame...

This is why she got so exhausted... this is why she wanted to end her life... Because at the end of the day, she gets blamed for existing and she gets blame for trying to take the easy way out by ending her life... So when will it be ok for us to make our own decisions without getting blamed by the whole world..? When will we be able to stop thinking about other people...

But this is where self love comes in place right? For us to not care about anyone, for us to do what we want whether they like it or not... For us to just shut people off... This is why we rather not communicate with people.. because in the end, they always find ways to attack us... Are we such an easy target...?


Yumi.
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Old 10-07-2018, 01:55 PM   #2
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Hello, Miryuiki and welcome to the forums!

This is something I find difficult too. I think one of the keys are to beware of the automatic negative thoughts in your head. Have you ever done CBT? It can be helpful in that regard. Realizing that negative things people may have said are not necessarily the truth of the situation. You might try an exercise of writing some of the negative things you were told, then writing a countering positive statement to each.

Another thing I find helpful is to immerse yourself in doing things you love. It can help you gain a sense of who you are in a positive way.

Maybe I misunderstand your last paragraph, but I don't think loving yourself is about shutting people out and not caring about people or whether they like things or not. It's more understanding that you have an equal place in the world, an equal right to have your voice heard.

Hope you find something helpful here.
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Old 10-07-2018, 03:26 PM   #3
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Here are links to 6 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to love yourself. May they be of benefit...

The Basics of Self-Love

Learn to Love Yourself First

22 Ways to Love Yourself More | Happily Imperfect

How to Start Loving Yourself (Even When You Think There's Nothing to Love) | Happily Imperfect

How to Love Yourself: A Q&A with Christine Arylo of Madly In Love with ME | Weightless

https://psychcentral.com/blog/self-l...love-yourself/

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Old 10-07-2018, 08:07 PM   #4
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Old 10-27-2018, 03:36 PM   #5
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For me, self love means learning to manage the toxic relationships in your life. People who make you feel bad don't deserve your time, or maybe only in small doses. I understand feeling like shutting out the world. The thing is, shutting out everyone deprives of you of those who truly do care. I have a lot of trust issues so making choices on who to trust is tricky. However, the risks are worth it and self love is much easier.
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Old 11-07-2018, 06:31 PM   #6
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Quote:"In order to love one's self,one must behave in ways
one can respect and admire."
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Old 11-08-2018, 03:40 AM   #7
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((((Miryuiki)))) I'm sorry you're struggling with your self-worth. Loving yourself means understanding that you're as deserving of love as everyone else in the world, and fighting the years of neglect and abuse you've had to go through. Do you see a therapist? Also, remember that there are good people out there, that will love you and care about you. We certainly care.
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