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Old 09-13-2018, 09:11 PM   #31
Finding way
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Default Re: Parent your inner child here.

Sweetie,

How are you doing? It has been really difficult lately. There are so many stressful things happening and you care about so many of them. The uncertainty of the future can be scary. But I remember how many times you have been strong and have found a way through tough times. Itís ok to be nervous and scared, but I am here to make sure you stay safe. I am proud of all you have accomplished so far, and all of this uncertainty does not diminish your accomplishments. Together we can stay the course and find our way through. Together we can also take a break and rest as we find our way. How about we watch out for each other? Love you!
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Old 09-13-2018, 10:17 PM   #32
Arbie
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Hold on. Be patient. I know you're getting interrupted a lot, and it's breaking up your concentration. It's perfectly fine to feel annoyed by that, but keep reminding yourself you WILL have a chance to get this done. Now, wait for things to calm down. (Not telling YOU to calm down, which isn't helpful, but wait for THINGS to calm down. Then take a deep breath, relax yourself, clear your head, and go back to what you were working on.
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Old 09-23-2018, 01:50 PM   #33
Arbie
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Inner child and I were remembering something today. It came up in the conversation with someobdy else, because they were talking about a similar incident from their childhood. I don't remember how old inner child and I were, biologically, when this happened. Somewhere between ten and fourteen. Now I need to talk to inner child about it.

You know what, inner child? Our mother was wrong on several points. What happened was, you and I were cleaning the kitchen. After we finished washing the dishes (by hand, no dishwasher) we let the water out of the sink. And our mother just exploded! She got very angry and told us she was going to beat our *** if we did that again, and she put an emphasis on the word ***. In her mind, we made a mistake. She thought we should let the water stay in the sink until we finished wiping down the table and the counters and everything. Then we could dip the rag, as needed, in the sitting water rather than rinsing it under the faucet.

Let's look at everything that's wrong with that. OK?

1.) If we had to rinse out the rag a couple of times, it would have cost what? A penny or two added to the water bill, if that? Yes, money was very tight when we were biologically young. But we're worth a whole lot more than just a few pennies. She should have been more concerned about her child's emotional development than about saving money on a water bill.

2.) Even if we did do the wrong thing, telling us she's going to beat our *** only scared us. She might say it's a parent's job to teach, and she had to teach us the right way to do it. Well, there are better teaching methods than using fear and pain. The only thing this did was make us so afraid of doing the wrong thing, we couldn't think for ourselves. We always had to check with somebody before we made a move.

3.) I don't believe we did do the wrong thing, anyway. Think about it. Doing it her way means spreading dirty dish water all over every surface in the kitchen! How disgusting is that? It's OK to do things differently now than we were told to do when we were biologically a child. We do need to think for ourselves and come to our own conclusions. And we DON'T need to explain it to anybody!
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I have written the story of my life and recovery, and was given permission to place the link in my signature.


Please be warned that parts of it can be triggering if you are sensitive to descriptions of abuse. I'm not using anybody's real names, including my own.
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