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Old 07-27-2018, 12:28 AM   #11
My Paper Heart
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Default Re: Parent your inner child here.

I know it's going to sound weird that I'm happy with my methodology but as it's my starting point, I'm okay with it....

I didn't have much of a chance to have a childhood growing up because I became a parent to my brother after my Dad died when I was 11. Everything was about my brother and his learning disability.... No matter what I did, the only time the focus turned to me was when I got blamed for something about him (like when he missed the bus home in high school because he was talking to friends). Whatever good I did was never enough to get my mother's attention or it was simply what was expected of me.

About a month ago, I realized that the reason I constantly think I never get enough done or do it well enough, the reason I'm so harshly critical toward myself, is because nothing was ever good enough to get my mother's attention. Now that I'm aware of this, I keep trying to catch when I'm being overly critical of myself and tell myself that I don't need to denegrate over simple things, that it's my mother's fault I have such a stilted view of myself. I'm still furious with her for instigating my personality disorders and because she still has such an effect on me so I become really angry and oppositional. I tell myself to do the opposite of whatever she'd do... So I stop criticizing myself just to be defiant (rather than stopping because I know it's bad for me).

I'll take angry over self-critical anytime. And maybe it's childish of me to be so spiteful but in this instance it's actually having a positive effect so I'm allowing it. As I said, as long as the anger is helping me to improve, I'm okay with it. (Then, of course, I get a sense of pride in the fact that I was easily able to find a positive within something negative, which is quite a feat for my usually pessimistic thoughts. The pride helps take the edge off my anger, which definitely helps me too).
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Old 07-27-2018, 03:10 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Finding way View Post
Sweetie,

I know you are hurt they didnít invite you to the family gathering. It is not fair and you deserve to have a family that loves you enough to remember you. It is also now ok for us to choose not to go. Instead we will do the things that we want to do and feel good. We deserve to use our time feeling joy and supporting our growth.

Love you!
I definitely have done that and it is freeing.
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Old 07-29-2018, 09:06 PM   #13
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I definitely have done that and it is freeing.
Same here. Itís very freeing to just do my own thing.
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Old 07-29-2018, 11:17 PM   #14
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It is delicious, isn't it? It's OK to think it's delicious, and it's OK to say so, no matter what our body size. People used to say nasty things to us any time we ate. That's called a double standard, and it's unfair. Even while criticizing us, they were going on and on about how good their own food tasted, and nobody said anything ugly to them about it! Yet we so much as even say "yum," and we'd get told how fat we are, and just listen at how much we love to eat. We couldn't even eat a salad without somebody commenting. Then if we didn't eat, we were pressued until we did. We couldn't win. They shouldn't have done that to us.

We do need to be careful, because we have health issues. Let's start with just a little bit. We'll eat it slowly instead of gulping it down, because we're safe now, and nobody's going to take it away from us. While we're eating, we'll think about how good it tastes. That way, we'll enjoy it more, and in the long run, we won't feel like we want as much.
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Old 08-09-2018, 08:13 PM   #15
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Sweetie,

Itís ok to have a bad day. You spent your whole Ďvacationí tip-toeing around your parents, trying to meet everyoneís needs. You tried to have your own needs, but there wasnít room. Why wouldnít you be sad, tired, worn out? You are so sweet, good, caring, loving, and funny. I know that. I also know it takes energy to be those things. Rest now. Recuperate. You will be yourself once you can catch your breath again. I know you are still there and that you are fantastic. Iíll watch over you until you feel better. Love you!
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Old 08-09-2018, 11:37 PM   #16
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Default Re: Parent your inner child here.

Very special thread. Thanks, Arbie, for starting it.

And a great big to all of our inner children.
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Old 08-13-2018, 11:54 AM   #17
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I understand why you didn't want to go to school many days. I know it was hard finding where you fit in and I'm proud of you for getting through it. You are special, I love you, and you did not deserve to be teased. You are good enough just the way you are. It's okay you're introverted. The world needs all kinds of people, including people like you.
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Old 08-13-2018, 03:57 PM   #18
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Sweetie,

I notice your birthday is coming up. I also see that you are anxious about having to see the family for it. Itís not fair that you canít count on friendly and loving birthday wishes from your parents and sister. Itís not fair that you have to put on fake enjoyment waiting for the next humiliation. You deserve people that think time with you is special, that know and love who you are. I love you and I celebrate another amazing year of you being strong. I will find a way to keep your time with them very short. I will protect you from them being mean to you. Then we will have fun doing something special with the kids to honor you the way you deserve. Love you!
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Old Yesterday, 07:09 AM   #19
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Sweetie,

You feel lonely. You feel unheard. You feel not good enough and unworthy of love and care. I know this is hard. Hang in there - weíll get through this. I love you.
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Old Yesterday, 10:09 AM   #20
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It's OK to be annoyed with hubby for not being considerate when he came to bed last night. Because of his work hours, he comes to bed quite a bit later than you do. He said he'd be quiet, but he came in and right away started talking to the cat, which woke you up. I guess he forgot. Then he stood there with the bathroom light on and door open as he took his medicine. He could have closed the door and let you get back to sleep, knowing you had to get up early. It's OK to be angry about that, and it's OK to tell him, when the time is right. Don't retaliate by disturbing his sleep too. That might make things "fair," but you don't want to escalate the situation. That's a big word--it means making a problem bigger instead of solving it. When you tell him, be assertive but not aggressive.

It's also OK to be annoyed with the cat, for waking you up two hours earlier than you needed to get up. You already didn't get enough sleep. But it's just as well, because your blood sugar was going down, and you would have bottomed out. Maybe that's WHY the cat woke you up. Sometimes animals can sense those things.

But you had a snack, and now you can try to go back to bed for that last hour.
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