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Old 01-10-2019, 09:31 AM   #71
rechu
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Default Re: Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have

I'm proud of you/congratulations!


After a long period of saving, my husband and I finalized the purchase of a home recently. I talked to my parents on skype soon after. My dad was really happy for me and asked a lot of questions. My mom sat there with an awful scowl on her face. 2018 was a tough year for her health-wise, but still, she could not even congratulations on this important step? It's sad, really.
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Old 01-10-2019, 06:56 PM   #72
Arbie
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^^Congratulations on the purchase of your home!

Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have
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Please be warned that parts of it can be triggering if you are sensitive to descriptions of abuse. I'm not using anybody's real names, including my own.
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Old 01-11-2019, 04:38 AM   #73
rechu
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Default Re: Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have

^^ Thank you Arbie ! See, that wasn't hard to do, right? But she can't say it.
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Old 01-14-2019, 11:27 PM   #74
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Default Re: Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have

-- You can be your own person and do your own thing and I will love you anyways.
-- The world really isn't that bad of a place to live in, and most people are good.
-- I may not be able to understand your fears, but I understand that you are feeling them and I want you to feel better.
-- Behavior wise, more discipline and guidance, especially when I was younger. Less detachment, distance, getting ignored and left alone except when convenient
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Old 01-15-2019, 03:19 PM   #75
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Default Re: Things your parents didn't say to you, but should have

"Your emotions don't have to match mine. Just because I'm feeling a certain way doesn't mean you should also feel the same way I do. Feelings aren't right or wrong."

Detailed:

"Just because I'm having anxiety, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. It's good for you to branch out and try new things. My fear is for me to deal with."
---Instead of, "No, I don't want you to do that because I'm too nervous about it." (Example, teenager going out on a date, or learning to drive, or going camping with the scout troop, or joining a school sports team, or any other normal part of life.)

"I'm not afraid because I've been in this situation before, and I feel safe. But it's a new experience for you. I understand your fear. You'll get through it, and then it won't feel so scary anymore."
---Instead of, "There's nothing to be afraid of. Quit being such a baby." (Example, child is nervous on the first day of school.)

"Maybe you know something I don't. Can you explain to me why you don't like Mr. Neighbor?" Then, assuming it's something relatively harmless instead of an actual danger, "Oh, so you find it annoying the way he snorts through his nose. Why do you suppose he does that?"
---Instead of, "Don't be so rude. Mr. Neighbor is a nice man. He can't help the way he snorts through his nose. He has a sinus condition. Have some compassion."

"You like X, but I don't. I like Y, and you don't. Everybody's different. We don't have to agree."
__________________
I have written the story of my life and recovery, and was given permission to place the link in my signature.


Please be warned that parts of it can be triggering if you are sensitive to descriptions of abuse. I'm not using anybody's real names, including my own.
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