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Old 12-05-2017, 05:22 AM   #1
raging vortex
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Default grieving the christmas I never had

I am grieving the christmas I never had.

my mother was never really a christmas person, I guess, and when I was growing up at home she never provided me a christmaas- no presents, no decorated lights, no tree, no christmas songs... christmas in our house was so depressing.

every year as I get older, it does not get easier for me... I grieve for the christmasses I could have had when I was a kid, but I never had

I want to go on a train to see santa claus. I want a christmas tree

I want someone to wish me a merry christmas

Possible trigger:


that's where the longing for the train comes from

I want to see father christmas on the train..

I do..

but I just want a normal christmas with love and pressies

is it too much to ask?
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Old 12-05-2017, 05:26 AM   #2
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I know I sound like a spoiled brat

sorry
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Old 12-06-2017, 02:00 PM   #3
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I kinda grieve too, because Christmas for me was opening presents alone, knowing my mother was on the other side of the door and wanted no part of it, living in an aggressive household and seeing my mother cry because my father would always spend more money than she could afford. When school returned after Christmas I would have to lie to my friends about it all and fake happiness.

As a result I have always absolutely hated Christmas; no-one can understand why it's like a phobia for me. Unlike you, I don't wish I could have great Christmases now, rather I wish I could escape to somewhere where the word wasn't even mentioned.
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Old 12-08-2017, 12:56 AM   #4
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I'm sorry your mom was that way. Now it's time to parent yourself. Ride that train, buy a tree, get some presents, etc. You deserve it!
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post
I kinda grieve too, because Christmas for me was opening presents alone, knowing my mother was on the other side of the door and wanted no part of it, living in an aggressive household and seeing my mother cry because my father would always spend more money than she could afford. When school returned after Christmas I would have to lie to my friends about it all and fake happiness.

As a result I have always absolutely hated Christmas; no-one can understand why it's like a phobia for me. Unlike you, I don't wish I could have great Christmases now, rather I wish I could escape to somewhere where the word wasn't even mentioned.


every year I just got my own christmas gifts, and pretended to look shocked on the day I opened them.. pretended I didn't know what they are

sad really

sad
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:17 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
I'm sorry your mom was that way. Now it's time to parent yourself. Ride that train, buy a tree, get some presents, etc. You deserve it!


I don't know of many 30 year olds who go on a train intended for kids, but yes... I know. I should really

I wine and wine about this not happening and thisn ot happening, yet I don't actually do it myself
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Old 12-22-2017, 11:59 AM   #7
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My wife also has the hardest time with Christmas because of her parents. Every year they would argue, and every year it was a traumatic experience for her. I'm starting to try to help her cope with Christmas, and learn how to enjoy it for our kids. I told her I know it's hard, but we have to do it for them, so they don't have the same issue. Seems insensitive, but we need to. It's just hard because Christmas is always financially stressful for us. We'll figure it out one of these years. I don't think it'll be this year though, unfortunately.
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Old 12-25-2017, 02:26 PM   #8
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Christmas was nothing special with my family. When I was a kid I was told that my birthday present was new shoes and new the clothes for school was my Christmas present. As I got older the Christmas present became factory second socks and underwear. Then my mother started using presents as an insult. I remember one, “Can I give you a couple of dollars for Christmas, if I give your brothers each $100 I should give you something”. I never accepted any sort of present from her until the day she died.

I had a friend who would hold a Christmas party every year. Her parents were dead and she was not close to her sister. She invited the people she knew who had no close family or whose family lived in another part of the country. Everyone who came always gave her a little something to thank her for her generosity. Maybe you could have a Christmas party. It is not the same as a child’s Christmas, but it still is some sort of Christmas celebration. You could find yourself receiving a gift or two.
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Old 12-30-2017, 04:56 AM   #9
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My family is the same. They don't celebrate any holidays or birthdays or anything. I get stuff though when I need it though. I was never deprived. I feel that the holidays are overblown to allow businesses to sell their products. I don't really miss receiving gifts or anything. I miss the family togetherness during the holidays though. I wish my family could have just sat down and had a meal together and talk to each other, instead of the television on and everyone's eyes glued to the programs my dad wanted to watch. My family is not normal. Nobody talks to each other in my family. We shout or dump on each other about our problems but don't listen to each other like a real family. I call my family once in awhile and my mother dumps her problems on me each time, and I never have time to talk. So, I don't miss Christmas gifts or anything but good family time together.
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Old 12-30-2017, 06:16 AM   #10
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Don't feel guilty about how you feel. (You are not a spoiled brat) Think Steve Martin's thoughts about X-mas are very funny:
Silver Bells - Steve Martin & Paul Simon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXN72rbXAr0&t=201s
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