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Old 05-02-2018, 01:24 PM   #31
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

Although my sister and I are relatively happy in our adult lives, our brother died early. Where did our parents go wrong? They should never have had children.
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Old 05-02-2018, 02:04 PM   #32
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

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Originally Posted by coolibrarian View Post
Although my sister and I are relatively happy in our adult lives, our brother died early. Where did our parents go wrong? They should never have had children.
I feel this way too.

My mom actually would just take off—saying she would be back in a few weeks. One time she didn’t come back for two years. She saw nothing wrong with that.

She needed her passport taken away because of her disappearing acts.
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Old 05-06-2018, 03:26 AM   #33
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

I would say my parents further went wrong by being more focused on outward behavior than on inner well-being. Everything is a discipline problem. It doesn't matter how your kids feel inside, as long as they don't act out. Your response to psychological issues is to never mind what's causing it. Don't bother finding what hurts, and fixing it. Just whack those kids until they stop that behavior. When they've had enough of being scolded and spanked and humiliated and privileges taken away, they'll straighten up.

They really haven't stopped doing it. They've merely learned to hide it better, so you don't know.The psychological issue isn't gone, only buried deep below the surface, where they still feel it but don't dare show it.

But hey, they're not outwardly doing that behavior anymore, so you can say your punishments worked. You solved the problem. After all, your whole job as a parent is to make sure those kids behave the way you want them to.

Last edited by Arbie; 05-06-2018 at 03:45 AM..
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Old 05-30-2018, 06:26 AM   #34
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

Let me add one more. My parents went wrong by putting too much emphasis on obedience, and not enough on teaching life skills. When you get out there in the adult world, and all you've ever really learned is how to do as you're told, you're not going to be very functional. I should have been taught how to make decisions for myself.
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Old 05-30-2018, 09:15 AM   #35
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My mom, even early on, always told me she didn’t understand me. Just that. Oh she loves me, but doesn’t understand me. What I feel she’s always tried to say is....you’re different I don’t CARE to understand you.

I recently found a letter from her from maybe 2014? Again stating these same things to me after a suicide attempt. She loves me more than I could ever know! But doesn’t understand me. Last month she told me again when I tried to explain some life choices I’ve made that are very different from my parents. She said “I’ve never been able to understand you Patagonia, I guess I never will.”
By telling me my entire life that my own mother does not understand me, her own child, has deeply scared me & my own self esteem. I know I am different & not like any of my siblings, but I feel for my entire life I’ve been condemned for it. Never understood or even remotely just tolerated.
I hope my own kids never feel that alienated from me as a mom.
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Old 06-04-2018, 12:02 AM   #36
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

They went wrong by thinking money=love. They went wrong by being racist homophobes. My father went wrong by being a verbally abusive a-hole who is NEVER wrong. EVER. My mom would have been a much better mom if she didn't feel forced to conform to his beliefs. If only they cared about how I felt or who I really was, maybe things could have been different.
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Old 06-11-2018, 01:45 PM   #37
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

My mom never dealt with the issues she had with her own mother growing up and ended up repeating those negative patterns as an adult.


My dad is too passive and conflict avoidant, so he was scared to stand up to her and ended up being an enabler of her narcissistic behavior.
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Old 06-11-2018, 07:10 PM   #38
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

They were emotionally absent. They thought I should just be happy they provided for me in a financial sense. They procrastinated and took things lightly that were very detrimental to my mental and emotional well-being.
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Old 06-12-2018, 03:00 AM   #39
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

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Originally Posted by bpforever1 View Post
My parents went wrong by having sex. End of story.
I have had this thought too.
I do not understand why so many people who do not love each other and have no intention of offering love, support and a good example to children just have children anyways.

There is no mandatory preparation course for parents, there should be. People who want to adopt go through plenty of checks and preparation.

My mother ignored me when I was little, put her own issues way before mine and made me afraid to say anything that may not please her. When my brother was born she labelled him as the trouble-maker from the very beginning, she hit him a lot, spoke badly about him both in his presence and behind his back.
She then decided that my father was having an affair and she would start arguments with him and expect me to take sides with her (me age 12).
She beat my dad at least twice in my presence and when my dad was trying to get her off him by throwing her onto the sofa (yes, the sofa so that she wouldn't get hurt), she would scream that he was attacking her and ask me to call the police. I never did, because I knew my dad was not attacking her.
She would ask me to check if the lady that she thought had a relationship with my dad was in his office.
She would take me with her to see where this lady lives and whether she gets back late from work when my dad was working late.
I was anorexic for a year an she didn't even notice. In fact I could make all the food I wanted to eat as I was completely in control of my meals, my parents had nothing to do with them.
She didn't want me to succeed. When I was going very well in school and I was about to score full marks in my final exams, she said that scoring full marks is arrogant and will make people feel uneasy with me. When I was invited to study in a top university abroad and I accepted, she said I was just being manipulated by my father.
She was often talking behind other people.
When I left my first job abroad and I came back "home" she asked me how much money I had saved and she said it was too little and I was letting myself be exploited.
When I opened my first local bank account to receive my wage from my second job she said I was being selfish for trying to keep my money separate from the rest of the family.
When I was cycling to the station every day to catch a train to work she said I was being too idealistic about my environmentalist goals and it felt I was judging everyone else who was not doing the same.
When I decided to move out to go and live with my boyfriend she asked me why am I not every discussing these kind of decisions with her. Well, guess why. Everything I do is wrong anyways.

My father was just and still is just depressed and escapes by focusing on work.

End of story.
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Old 06-16-2018, 07:54 AM   #40
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Default Re: where do you think your parents went wrong?

Oh man, I feel everyone knows my story... :/ I don't need to say anything do I?


Does the term "inbred" include uncle and niece? I am not kidding. So you can imagine how much of a health hell I will have to live in for a rest of my life.
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