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Unread 10-10-2017, 07:04 PM   #1
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Default Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

My counselor believes that I suffer from the effects of childhood emotional neglect. I always assumed that parents responsible for CEN were distant and uninterested. My late father (who raised me after my mom lost custody due to substance abuse issues) was the polar opposite of that definition - he was controlling, domineering, and in many ways a helicopter parent. I was constantly being punished in one way or another for "failing" in his eyes. I know that he genuinely loved and cared for me and had the best of intentions. He honestly believed he was doing everything right. It's almost like he cared too much and expressed it in all the wrong ways. That's what makes me question whether I really suffer from CEN. Can an overbearing parent still be emotionally neglectful? Or is the emotional damage from controlling behavior just eerily similar to the effects of CEN?
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Unread 10-10-2017, 07:52 PM   #2
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone518 View Post
My counselor believes that I suffer from the effects of childhood emotional neglect. I always assumed that parents responsible for CEN were distant and uninterested. My late father (who raised me after my mom lost custody due to substance abuse issues) was the polar opposite of that definition - he was controlling, domineering, and in many ways a helicopter parent. I was constantly being punished in one way or another for "failing" in his eyes. I know that he genuinely loved and cared for me and had the best of intentions. He honestly believed he was doing everything right. It's almost like he cared too much and expressed it in all the wrong ways. That's what makes me question whether I really suffer from CEN. Can an overbearing parent still be emotionally neglectful? Or is the emotional damage from controlling behavior just eerily similar to the effects of CEN?
Yes. See Jonice Webb's book, Running on Empty...often mentioned in this forum. In it she describes 12 parenting types that lead to CEN. The domineering parent is one type. And remember: even loving well-intentioned parents can inadvertantly neglect their children emotionally.

I've found this book so helpful in understanding my childhood. May be you will too. Good luck in your journey.
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Unread 10-10-2017, 08:42 PM   #3
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Absolutely. A domineering parent can totally squash any autonomy a child may be trying to develop.
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Unread 10-10-2017, 09:02 PM   #4
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Unread 10-10-2017, 09:15 PM   #5
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Yes, they absolutely can. You're still being emotionally neglected if people are focusing on something that has nothing to do with who you really are and what you really experience. Also when people obsess about a child like that, for instance, they are not emotionally supporting them or nurturing them so the lack is still there. There is still neglect.
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Unread 10-10-2017, 09:22 PM   #6
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Yes. They dominate you about everything, even your feelings.
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Unread 10-10-2017, 11:27 PM   #7
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Yes indeed!
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Unread 10-11-2017, 05:40 PM   #8
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

Thank you for the kind words everyone. And for the book rec as well. I will definitely be checking that one out!

Last edited by Persephone518; 10-11-2017 at 05:41 PM. Reason: spelling
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Unread 10-12-2017, 02:02 AM   #9
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

most definitely so. My mom was and still is very much domineering and overbearing. She's super overprotecting and fits the type for helicopter styled parenting. Even though she loves me and raised me by doing the utmost best she could, the fact of the matter was, that she was controlling and bc of that I grew up always trying to appease her and putting her feelings before my own.
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Unread 10-12-2017, 06:43 PM   #10
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Default Re: Can domineering parents still be emotionally neglectful?

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...the fact of the matter was, that she was controlling and bc of that I grew up always trying to appease her and putting her feelings before my own.
Same here. I'm sorry for anyone who grew up in the same situation but am also grateful that others can relate.
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