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Unread 08-08-2017, 08:50 AM   #1
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Default Advice? Want to see sister but parents are stopping me

A few months back, I approached my parents about CEN and the pain that the nature of our relationship causes me. After trying to gain their understanding and awareness and trying to connect with them, they gave a backlash of gaslighting and them telling me I am delusional and many other hurtful things. Since, I have not spoken to my parents, however in the process this has also almost completely cut off contact with my little sister who is 8yrs old.

My parents basically are saying that the only way I can see my little sister is if I travel to their house, visit like normal, converse and chit-chat with them all like normal, and go back to how things were before I had ever said anything and 'caused a problem'. In my point of view, this would be to continue to deny my Self, my feelings and brush all the things that I have said and the progress that I have made with myself under the carpet. I feel like I really can't do that. I can't see how I can make chit-chat with them and smile like they haven't seriously hurt my feelings and pretend everything is ok to please them as I strongly don't want to talk to them at the moment and have nothing more to say. As well as that, when ever I am in their presence for only 5 minutes, I become the worst version of myself. It's like my soul dies and I become the suppressed, powerless, helpless child that I once was and I can't escape from it. In short,it hurts way too much to be round them.

However, not seeing my sister is killing me. I don't know what to do, or what I am supposed to do. Am I supposed to let my relationship with my sister go and not see her again until she is 18? Or is there a way that I can guard myself from the pain that I feel by being around my family so that I can make the trip and visit my little sister?

Please, any advice out there?
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Unread 08-11-2017, 11:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Advice? Want to see sister but parents are stopping me

I just want to say that it must have been very difficult for you to put yourself out on a limb and talk to your parents about how CEN has affected your relationship with them. I personally wish I could bring it up with my own parents as well, but something in my gut tells me that they will have a similar reaction as your parents did. I'm so sorry that they backlashed at you and are now holding your relationship with your sister hostage

I remember reading in some of Dr. Jonice Webb's responses to reader comments that she didn't particularly recommend talking to parents about CEN since they might not take it so well. However, if the conversation went down well, talking about CEN would be extremely rewarding. I think you have every right to feel hurt that your parents didn't want to listen to the feedback you were giving them. They're essentially still ignoring/neglecting your feelings after you talked to them. I don't think you can pretend that it isn't bothering you or "go back to normal." I also feel like you will end up hurting yourself more by sticking around them. Why do that to yourself?

I do worry about your little sister since she may end up emotionally neglected just like you under your parents' roof. If you two had a good relationship, she might also feel abandoned by you if you left her life abruptly. I think that you have every right to still talk to your sister. Perhaps when she grows older and has a phone of her own, you two could still keep in touch outside of your parents' knowledge? In any case, if you choose to part ways and break up ties with your parents, I would advise that you leave some form of a note or letter to your sister. That way you have a chance of explaining the situation in hopes that she will understand it more when she is older.

My heart goes out to you. Wishing you the best of luck in dealing with your parents.
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Unread 08-26-2017, 07:56 AM   #3
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Default Re: Advice? Want to see sister but parents are stopping me

connect the stars has some good advice. Write a letter to her so she'll understand that you didn't abandon her. When she's old enough or may already have a cell phone you could communicate by text, FaceTime, email or snail mail. Good luck and best wishes.
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