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Unread 07-16-2017, 04:21 PM   #1
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Default Apprehension

Today is the first time that I've read about CEN.

Over the past couple of years I've talked with my older sister about our childhood and our adult psychological health - we both have bipolar disorder. She is no doubt the wiser and more studious of the two of us. I'd never really thought about a pattern of behavior regarding our mother(we grew up in a single-parent home), aunts, uncles, and grandparents(mainly, grandfather). But, she gave it definition with one word: dysfunctional. Then a couple of years later one of my aunts, who is a psychiatrist, offhandedly stated that our entire family was dysfunctional. There it was again: dysfunctional.

I'd always attributed my adult behavior and psychological state from my early-childhood onset bipolar disorder. I was no doubt a very emotional child; a highly sensitive four/five year old. Behavioral issues definitely stemmed from being very emotional. Led to me being hospitalized when I was nine years old.

I suppose I'd learned being emotional or displaying emotions gets you in trouble.

I read about CEN. Completed the questionnaire by Dr. Jonice Webb where I answered yes to pretty much all of the questions.

It's surprising because I know my mother loves me, however, I remember never getting any guidance in regards to emotions. My sister recently told me that when she was maybe six/seven and I was five/six, my mother told her that we were then too old to use the word love when talking about one another. I don't remember this. But, I do recall no hugs or kisses etc. It's funny because I was very attached to my mom as a child and I know she to this day loves me. I am as an adult emotionally closed off from her though, which my sister says hurts her. But, the idea of opening up about anything seems totally foreign and cringeworthy. Many of my relationships are that way.

What came first? Social anxiety or CEN?

I can think of only one of my romantic relationships that didn't end because of the effects of CEN. How do you go into a romantic relationship and say, "by the way I was emotionally neglected as a child so I may act 'oddly'..."? And: "I have bipolar disorder, GAD, social anxiety"? Seems like they'd run for the door!
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Unread 07-19-2017, 04:09 AM   #2
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Default Re: Apprehension

I think CEN, from what I've studied of it, precedes social anxiety. It happened that way in my case. I'm sorry you grew up in a dysfunctional family. It's rough. I did as well. Best wishes.
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