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Unread 05-18-2017, 09:50 PM   #1
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Default Emotional Funeral of a mother I never had

So...my therapist told me that I need to grieve or have a funeral of a mum I never had.
I kinda laughed when my therapist mentioned funeral I thought that's a bit blunt of words.
But knowing my therapist whenever they say something it goes in my mind like a ticking bomb! and reality hits in and I have to face it.

My mum was never really there for me, not emotional.
I still live at home due to loss of job. I'm in my early 20's.
I really want to move out but something is holding me back and I don't know what. I've been called these names by my own so called "mother"
selfish,pig,ungrateful child, difficult child, you are stressful,b**tch and so forth.

I recalled a couple years a go she went to get the knife from the draw and held it against her chest saying to me and my sister "should I kill myself,do you want me dead" this was all due to her unresolved issues with her relationship with her mum.
I thought when her mum passed away she be happy or not angry anymore, but none thing has changed.
I remember how she threw a chair once when I was little from upstairs. Or months a go how I was having a shower and she went to turn off the water.

She says she wants to be alone,but when I go out or my sister she says "don't leave" and its like what the hell!?!
She says she wants us to make our dinner so I start doing that,then a week goes by and she takes over and does the cooking again.

Since I've been standing up for myself and through therapy, it has helped me to see what my mother really is. She has resorted to drinking wine every night, which she reacts to wine quite unpleasant. She has never got to the stage of being intoxicated .


I am treated as the escape goat of my own family with my sister and her picking on me or talking behind my back in front of me.


Anyway you get the idea what I'm dealing with.

I just don't know where to begin to have "funeral" over a mother I never had.
I feel resentful and downhearted. It goes back and forth between emotions.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 09:25 AM   #2
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Default Re: Emotional Funeral of a mother I never had

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJeans00 View Post
So...my therapist told me that I need to grieve or have a funeral of a mum I never had.
I kinda laughed when my therapist mentioned funeral I thought that's a bit blunt of words.
But knowing my therapist whenever they say something it goes in my mind like a ticking bomb! and reality hits in and I have to face it.

My mum was never really there for me, not emotional.
I still live at home due to loss of job. I'm in my early 20's.
I really want to move out but something is holding me back and I don't know what. I've been called these names by my own so called "mother"
selfish,pig,ungrateful child, difficult child, you are stressful,b**tch and so forth.

I recalled a couple years a go she went to get the knife from the draw and held it against her chest saying to me and my sister "should I kill myself,do you want me dead" this was all due to her unresolved issues with her relationship with her mum.
I thought when her mum passed away she be happy or not angry anymore, but none thing has changed.
I remember how she threw a chair once when I was little from upstairs. Or months a go how I was having a shower and she went to turn off the water.

She says she wants to be alone,but when I go out or my sister she says "don't leave" and its like what the hell!?!
She says she wants us to make our dinner so I start doing that,then a week goes by and she takes over and does the cooking again.

Since I've been standing up for myself and through therapy, it has helped me to see what my mother really is. She has resorted to drinking wine every night, which she reacts to wine quite unpleasant. She has never got to the stage of being intoxicated .


I am treated as the escape goat of my own family with my sister and her picking on me or talking behind my back in front of me.


Anyway you get the idea what I'm dealing with.

I just don't know where to begin to have "funeral" over a mother I never had.
I feel resentful and downhearted. It goes back and forth between emotions.
You are fortunate to have found a therapist able to guide you through this process.
I remember, when I was about 28 and a therapist said something similar to me.
I think of her often (now being almost 3 decades later)..

And although I never successfully completed that funeral, I always remind myself that the therapist KNEW with 100% confidence, that the only way I could ever have a joyful life + spirit, would be to grieve and heal from never having the (type of) Mother I need and deserved to be emotionally healthy.

My Mom is still physically alive (late 80's), but I know even if she dies, I will remain tormented by her,
until I do what that therapist was suggesting.
Funeral and grieving necessary, to have peace from acceptance.

And if you're not ready for the "funeral" now, at least try to bring people into your life, who will fill those voids/needs your Mom was/is incapable of.

Your therapist clearly is looking out for your best interests, and pissibly talking with her about why a funeral feels uncomfortable for you, will help to break some of thise chains ttour Mom has on you (emotionally).

The person who brought me into this world, is the same person who most convinces me (in my mind) to leave this world. Not healthy, but something I'm always working on - blocking the tapes she left in my mind.
Easiest (times I've blocked her recordings) is when I had somebody else in my life, treating me like a Mother should/would. Nobody now, and thanks for reminding me that I need to return to that funeral, and try once and for all to have it OVER
.
Best wishes to you.
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