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Old 02-23-2019, 10:29 AM #1
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Default Is this mild or MAJOR?

Though I am not in the position to diagnose my husband, I do believe that he is dealing with some sort of issue based on my observations.

Let me say that though sometimes interacting with him can be exhausting, frustrating and confusing, if he is dealing with anything, I am empathetic because I love him.

With that being said, here is an observation from this morning:

He woke up in a great mood. He awoke me with a gentle touch across my face and a calm, quiet “good morning.” We indulged in a brief conversation, laughed, joked (he even made a joke at his own expense - rare) It was surprisingly pleasant. He offered to go get us breakfast after he finished watching the end of this movie. I smiled outwardly and inwardly.

Well as time passed, he began to present his usual, more expected habits: flipping the channels vigorously when he deemed a part boring in the movie, tickling me, though he knows I’m not a morning person, getting his phone and playing music loud enough to compete with the sound of the tv. Then he’ll pause. Next, he’ll kiss me rapidly and continuously. When he stops he’ll say, “are you going to get our breakfast? But, he offered and even gave specifics: after the movie goes off. Well, when I bring that up, he asks to hold my hand. Hesistant, because I know this routine, he states, “so, I can’t even hold your hand?” He holds it, tighter than usual. It doesn’t hurt, but I feel it enough to respond. He feigns surprise, but covertl revels in his victory.
: he made me react. I was punished, so to speak.

Finally, the movie is over. He gets up, but deliberately takes his time. He sloths along until the window for breakfast is over. He doesn’t say a word about it. But I do. I point out how the time has past and he replies, he wasn’t going anyway because he was too tired. But again, he was never going to tell me; I should just infer and as he has told me before since he was the one offering to do something, I can’t and should not complain if he changes his mind.

This passive - aggressive tango used to infuriate me, but now because I can almost orchestrate his moves in my head, the effect has become benign.

Now, he is downstairs stewing because his act of immaturity did not get the expected response.

So my question is, “is this a perpetual tantrum or something else? Am I over dramatizing or being manipulated?
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Old 02-23-2019, 10:51 AM #2
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Default Re: Is this mild or MAJOR?

You’re being worn down and exhausted! This is such a toxic passive aggressive dance. Why do you need this?
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Old 02-23-2019, 01:02 PM #3
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Default Re: Is this mild or MAJOR?

Absolutely childish and yes, it is enough to affect your marriage.
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Old 02-23-2019, 06:25 PM #4
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Default Re: Is this mild or MAJOR?

Sounds immature and childish, playing a sick game; did you know that tickling can be abusive...it can be a form of torture (depending on how long it goes on.) If knows something bothers you and keeps on doing it,he doesn't care about your feelings. This is a sadistic game. "exhausting, frustration, confusing....that doesn't sound "benign." He needs to get therapy to stop what he is doing that is abusive and destroying your marriage....not couples counseling.
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