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Old 01-23-2019, 07:03 PM   #11
Unforgiven1
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

I don't remember were I heard this, but I have heard this being compared to being a chameleon, because we,as borderline personality disorder do not have our own real personality so we adopt others personality traits. I find the term chameleon very fitting
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Old 01-24-2019, 08:36 AM   #12
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

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Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
Mostly - it's like you identify who you are through someone or something else.

ie someone I care about is sad - therefore I must be sad too

Or

This movie is funny therefore I must be happy and laugh

Or to the more extreme
Someone says "My dad just went to the football game and got in an accident on the way home, I need to go to the hospital." - Therefore - "Wow! Do you need me to drive you there? I know what that's like, how stressful it can be. I hope your Dad is ok. Please let me know if he's ok."

(You take on the emotion and/or imagine yourself in the circumstance of the other person in order to identify yourself and your emotions.)

At least that's the best I can describe it
Thatís very interesting! I always wondered why I identify so much and so easily with what other people are going through. I imagined it was normal bc of empathy or sensitivity but I see now that itís more like influency, affected...since Iím not able to go beyond or commit with a deeper relation.
Thank you!
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Old 01-24-2019, 08:41 AM   #13
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

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Originally Posted by Unforgiven1 View Post
I don't remember were I heard this, but I have heard this being compared to being a chameleon, because we,as borderline personality disorder do not have our own real personality so we adopt others personality traits. I find the term chameleon very fitting
Me too. I read about this comparison.
Do you really think that you donít have a personality? Couldnít it be so hidden and denied bc somehow you saw it invalidated from the outside when you were a kid?
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Old 01-24-2019, 01:49 PM   #14
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

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Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Thatís very interesting! I always wondered why I identify so much and so easily with what other people are going through. I imagined it was normal bc of empathy or sensitivity but I see now that itís more like influency, affected...since Iím not able to go beyond or commit with a deeper relation.
Thank you!
You're welcome. Sometimes I don't see it as an inherently bad thing - as long as you don't take it to an unhealthy extreme where you are more or less living the other person's life - which can be a very easy thing to do if you do not control it at all. But it can also allow you to help others through their own issues .. So yea, it's a double edged sword.
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Old 01-24-2019, 02:46 PM   #15
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

Yes. I totally agree with you. You have to be very cautious bc if you let yourself to be overwhelmed with othersí issues, there is no helpful movement. You get stuck for your own issues and bc of the other peopleís ones. Itís a catch 22 situation.
The best is to try to be yourself as much as possible and as strong as you can, that way everyone wins.
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Old 01-24-2019, 07:13 PM   #16
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

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Yes. I totally agree with you. You have to be very cautious bc if you let yourself to be overwhelmed with othersí issues, there is no helpful movement. You get stuck for your own issues and bc of the other peopleís ones. Itís a catch 22 situation.
The best is to try to be yourself as much as possible and as strong as you can, that way everyone wins.
Exactly - and that's what can be extremely difficult with BPD unless you have been taught how to control your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions
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Old 01-25-2019, 06:03 PM   #17
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

I have been pondering this thread for an hour or more because I wanted to reply.

Unforgiven 1 I totally identify with the chameleon thing too.

I am also guilty of living another person's life because I take on their likes, their emotions...

People tell me I'm not the person I was. That's because I was a different set of likes & emotions then.

I have no clue who I am.
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Old 01-25-2019, 06:20 PM   #18
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

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The best is to try to be yourself as much as possible and as strong as you can, that way everyone wins.
Hey AzulOcuro thank you for this thread.

I don't know how to word this without it coming out wrong & I truly only want to ask this from a genuine position of not knowing where to start & I'm not expecting you to answer it, it's open to anyone who might be able to share their experiences.

How do I be myself when I don't know who me is? I turn into others. The music they like, the hobbies they do, the way they dress...I have no idea who I am, what I like doing...
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Old 01-25-2019, 08:40 PM   #19
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

Youíre very welcome. Since I knew that Dr Grande shares the opinion with other experts that the core for bpd is very luckily to be a poor sense of self, Iím very interested in this topic, why it takes place and what it involves.
Thanks to you for your reply.
Indeed, I think to remember that I already wrote here another thread about it.
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Old 01-26-2019, 12:11 AM   #20
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Default Re: How would you describe the poor or lack of self?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AbladeintheMeadow View Post
Hey AzulOcuro thank you for this thread.

I don't know how to word this without it coming out wrong & I truly only want to ask this from a genuine position of not knowing where to start & I'm not expecting you to answer it, it's open to anyone who might be able to share their experiences.

How do I be myself when I don't know who me is? I turn into others. The music they like, the hobbies they do, the way they dress...I have no idea who I am, what I like doing...
I'm really not sure why we do these things you have described. As I mentioned earlier, bpds don't really have their own true personality, I mean, maybe we do but its like total amnesia to know what are personality traits are. To put it simpler, what interests I have personally had in life, I never really knew why I was interested in them to begin with therefore I never really had a true interest to begin with. It was like a foreign concept that I could never explain to myself. I don't know if all bpds go through this across the board or if its hit and miss with people. I personally have no recollection of anything resembling my own personality without it involving someone else's personality traits. I have been this way ever since I was a very small child maybe 4-5 yo. The only thing I do remember from that time in my life, I was always "different". I always wanted to die even at that young of an age to present day. That's not a personality trait though.

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