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Old 07-28-2018, 10:15 AM   #1
ShadowGX
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Default Are you adopted?

And does it change how you feel in regards to abandonment?

I chose to post this here instead of a more general forum because I'm curious how many of us BPD folk are adopted.

I am, and it does change how abandoned I feel. My biological parents didn't want me - mother was a drug and alcohol abuser (did both while I was in her apparently) and father was a low-life piece of crap who was just after a one-night stand. Bio grandmother wanted me aborted supposedly, and I wish bio mom had listened. Why give birth to me if you're going to screw me over with drugs and alcohol? I blame her for so much of where I am right now. I'm lucky to not have physical deformities, just mental ones... My adoptive mom has asked me a few times if I've ever wanted to find bio mom and at one point signed us up for a website that could link bio families, including siblings, together. Nothing ever came of it though. Out of curiosity I would like to know if she ever got clean and turned into a good person, and I'm also curious the family medical history. I know both last names, no first names. I could find out though if I wanted, but I feel I know enough right now. I'm not ready to know more and may never be. The reason I even know this much is because apparently my bio mom went to the same church as my adoptive parents did at the time and that's how she picked them. It was a big church I guess and since my parents were new to the area they didn't know of my bio mom (adoptive dad was in the Navy so they didn't stay in one place long). My adoptive parents got all of this info from someone in the middle, I think it was the attorney? I don't remember for sure now. It was a closed adoption so technically they shouldn't know this much, but I'm glad they do because it has staved off my curiosity.
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Old 07-28-2018, 10:36 AM   #2
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Default Re: Are you adopted?

I'm not adopted, myself, but my "dad" left when I was six. I went back and forth between him and my mom up until 8th grade, when he chose to do a genetic test and we found out he wasn't even my biological father, then he stopped talking to me until I was 19. I went to visit him and his new family when I was 19, and it ended with him thinking I wanted him to buy me a car (I didn't), then he bought the car and stopped talking to me. So, I can't relate to the adoption thing, but I can relate to the parents leaving thing. Definitely interesting to want to see how many have had a similar experience of parental absence.
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Old 07-28-2018, 02:15 PM   #3
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I was adopted at age 5 and yes I struggle with abandonment issues. I did grow up in a great adoptive family but I never forgot my biological family.

I did reunite with my biological family, I have 3 fully biological siblings and my birth mother but we now have no contact at my insistence. I did do DNA to find my birth dad, just found out some information about him this week.
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Old 07-28-2018, 06:09 PM   #4
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While I'm not adopted, I did experience parental abandonment from my father, who left before I was born, & we've still never met (I'm now 37). Mum, who fell pregnant unexpectedly while in a relationship with him, was left to raise me alone when he bailed, & managed to do so with the help of her mother & stepfather. While she did her best under the circumstances, I don't think maternal instinct came naturally to her - I doubt she would have chosen to have kids if I hadn't have been conceived accidentally.

My paternal abandonment was compounded further by his parents, who initially ignored his protestations I wasn't his child (which Mum swears isn't possible), & built a relationship with me until around my 4th birthday. At that stage, for whatever reason, they changed their mind, & cut ties with me completely. I often wonder whether this abandonment by both my father & them forms the basis of my personality disorder. It's certainly impacted on my interpersonal relationshps significantly - textbook 'daddy issues' abound!
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Old 07-29-2018, 04:43 PM   #5
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Iím not adopted but was certainly abandoned (multiple times) by the Parental Units
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Old 01-23-2019, 07:09 PM   #6
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This is an old thread but yes, Iím adopted. Yes, I have BPD, and yes, I have major issues with attachment.
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Old 01-24-2019, 07:45 AM   #7
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I was adopted right after my birth. My adoptive mother hated me and wished she hadn't taken me... I think I have BPD, but I'm not sure, I haven't been diagnosed. My T doesn't believe that knowing the diagnosis would help me.
I have found my birth mother... trying to build a relationship with her and re-experiencing all those abandonment issues in therapy was excruciating... I think I once died mentally when my T went away for a vacation. Iím better now, but still try ďto avoid real or perceived abandonment.Ē
Sorry for mistakes.
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Old 01-24-2019, 02:44 PM   #8
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Iím not officially diagnosed with bpd but from what Iíve been knowing about myself, I can see myself pretty close to, at least, some traits.
And yes, I always felt rejected by my father. My mother was too much worried for her own struggles to provide me with the needed care and yes, I was about to be given in adoption To a familiar, but yes, with only a few months. My mum finally rejected that idea.
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Old 01-26-2019, 09:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowGX View Post
And does it change how you feel in regards to abandonment?

I chose to post this here instead of a more general forum because I'm curious how many of us BPD folk are adopted.

I am, and it does change how abandoned I feel. My biological parents didn't want me - mother was a drug and alcohol abuser (did both while I was in her apparently) and father was a low-life piece of crap who was just after a one-night stand. Bio grandmother wanted me aborted supposedly, and I wish bio mom had listened. Why give birth to me if you're going to screw me over with drugs and alcohol? I blame her for so much of where I am right now. I'm lucky to not have physical deformities, just mental ones... My adoptive mom has asked me a few times if I've ever wanted to find bio mom and at one point signed us up for a website that could link bio families, including siblings, together. Nothing ever came of it though. Out of curiosity I would like to know if she ever got clean and turned into a good person, and I'm also curious the family medical history. I know both last names, no first names. I could find out though if I wanted, but I feel I know enough right now. I'm not ready to know more and may never be. The reason I even know this much is because apparently my bio mom went to the same church as my adoptive parents did at the time and that's how she picked them. It was a big church I guess and since my parents were new to the area they didn't know of my bio mom (adoptive dad was in the Navy so they didn't stay in one place long). My adoptive parents got all of this info from someone in the middle, I think it was the attorney? I don't remember for sure now. It was a closed adoption so technically they shouldn't know this much, but I'm glad they do because it has staved off my curiosity.


no, but often I wonder how life would have turned out for me if I was.

now I don't have any family who want to be part of my life, and every day it's jkust a catelogue of thoughts... mainly about how much I was abused as a kid.

if I was adopted to another family (perhaps a loving, understanding family), would life have been diffrent for me?
possibly

I feel really strongly about this topic- and it's just made me wonder why the hell my mother abused me (and my siblings) and put us through hell and unmentionable torture, when she could have just had us adopted

the more and more I think about it, them ore it makes me angry and them ore I wonder if she wanted us to go through that abuse- if she had us adopted, she'd lose the control she had of abusing us on a daily bases.

thanks for posting this thread, it's actually food for thought
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Old 02-01-2019, 10:07 AM   #10
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I am adopted but not BPD, so sorry if I'm speaking out of turn. I was just looking for posts from other adoptees and found yours.
Abandonment or what I perceive as abandonment is a huge trigger for me though.
I know who my birth mother is and could contact her if I wanted, but I'm very angry with her.
I found my birth father through DNA testing 6 months ago and we email. He's ready to meet but I'm terrified of not being enough, of what he wants, of what it means, of being rejected again.
Hope you don't mind my posting here, please let me know if you do.
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