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Old 06-14-2018, 11:40 PM   #1
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Default Not doing well

Trying not to panic. Things are looking bad right now. Trying to just sit with my feelings. Very difficult. Called and left a voicemail for my therapist. Feel so helpless. Therapist wonít be in for at least 9 hours. Not doing well. Feel like my heart is breaking. So frustrated. Pain in and out. Pain in my emotions and pain in my body. So tired. Using my DBT skills that I remember. Trying to help me and others.
Not succeeding.
Failing.

Iíll be ok sooner or later. I pray the others will too.
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Old 06-15-2018, 12:33 AM   #2
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I'm sorry you're struggling. Those intense periods when it feels like relief will never come are so incredibly hard to work through. Take care.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:18 PM   #3
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I hope youíre doing ok.
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Old 06-19-2018, 11:55 PM   #4
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Still really struggling. So many people around me have things so much worse and I do care about them and what they are going through. Even so I am feeling so down and in despair 😩 that I have trouble being good for anything. Life is hard. But among the living is where the Creator wants me, apparently, so here I am. But it hurts so much to be here. Itís just a mess. I donít want to be here much longer and I pray that either I get better or The Creator allows me to go home with Him. But every day I wake up and it is so hard.
I am so tired. Just so tired. I have much to be grateful for and I am grateful. I appreciate my family and friends. I am grateful for my dog and my shelter. I have air conditioning and running water 💧. I have WiFi so I can connect to others in places like this. I have many blessings. Yet I feel so empty and alone. And so profoundly sad. Like a heavy burden of sadness is on my shoulders and I cannot bear it, yet I must.
If not for the depression and sadness I might be able to help my family and friends. I could exercise my dog. But I just wake up day after day with this burden and it is even difficult to sit up, much less do anything. Most of my family knows that suffer but they donít understand why. That think if I just decided to be better, I would. So, they do love me, but they also blame me for being this way. 😧😥. So yeah. I donít get treated like someone with an illness. I get treated like someone who needs discipline. It really sucks. I really suck. I am just so tired.
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Old 06-20-2018, 07:36 AM   #5
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Do you have a good therapist? Perhaps think of those who depend on you every day, like your dog. Sometimes itís easier to try harder for the benefit of loved ones when we donít feel motivated for ourselves.
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Old 06-20-2018, 08:06 AM   #6
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I have a great therapist. We have been together for years. My daughter is hesitant to take my granddaughter to therapy because I have been in therapy for years and I am still ďmessed up.Ē Which is accurate. But if not for my therapist I would most likely be dead. When I came to this therapist, I did nothing but sleep. I had put my friends on hold and didnít talk to them. I would not even make it to my doctors appointments. I would do my shopping at 2 or 3 in the morning in my pajamas (yes, I was one of those WalMart people.) The thought of employment was so far out of the realm of possibility I wasnít even looking for work. I was engaging in very risky behavior, on the rare occasion that I had any energy.
Now, I am still depressed. I am still very sad. But I have learned that itís not necessarily an emergency and I donít call people at 3AM just because I saw a rat. My emotions are still off the deep end. However, I have learned to mostly just wait them out, using techniques taught in DBT. I have come to count on the fact that emotions change and no matter how bad I am feeling, I will feel better eventually. I am working a part time job from home. My house is seldom clean, but it does happen. Before, it never did. I walk to my local grocery store during the daylight hours and I am dressed appropriately. I also walk to my local drug store and I make most of my doctors appointments. I am sometimes able to help friends who struggle with depression too. And I sometimes help my daughter too.
I still have the same emotions. But I have changed the way I handle them. Mostly. I am no longer in any danger of suicide and I no longer engage in risky behavior. So, I am still messed up. I do still sleep way too much and wish this pain would 🛑 stop. But I am much safer now than I was before seeing my therapist. I am able to contribute to those I care about. Not enough, but some. So I do think I have a really good therapist. She just canít get the feelings to stop coming. And I cannot either. I am so tired. Thank you for your concern and response.
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Old 06-22-2018, 06:20 PM   #7
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Well, it can be a more gradual progress at times. Like you said, all you can do is wait it out and use distress tolerance skills.
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Old 06-25-2018, 10:08 AM   #8
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Hey, I am sorry to hear you're doing bad but sometimes what works for me is trying some DBT practices I haven't heard of or used in a while. One thing that works for me is just sitting there and counting to a certain number while practicing a breathing technique such as 4 seconds in through the nose, 2 seconds out through the mouth. I have no clue if this will work for you but it is something that has helped me recently. What it does accomplish is it takes me from an 8 if I am really upset down to maybe a 6 which doesn't completely make me feel better but even a little help can be a lot.
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